AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Her eyes are wet when she pulls back, and I wish I could say something reassuring, but there is a ball of hardness in my heart.
I'm afraid to trust her.
It's harder to see Tony enter the room. Unlike Maya, he's not crying nor does he touch me. He sits down on the two-seater, his eyes on me. We sit in silence for a few minutes, almost as if he's summoning the courage to speak.
"You look better."
My relationship with Tony is different than the one I have with Maya.
I watch him, wishing the ice in my heart would thaw out, but I look at Tony with mistrust and doubt. I want to go back to the old days before Adam came here, but my wishing will not change what has happened.
"I don't feel better," I say slowly. "You and Maya were part of my pack. And now, once again, I'm alone."
"That's not true––"
"When I was young," I interrupt, "I told you I was going to run away. I had everything planned. But you told Jonathon about the secret I had confided in you, didn't you? I realized then that you would never be on my side. But I thought things were different now."
"Cynthia," Tony's voice is tense, "are you asking me if it was me who told Jonathon that night?"
I don't reply, and he rests his forearms on his thighs, his head bowed. "You were a child. You didn't realize the ramifications of running away. You know what would have happened if you had left Jonathon's side. You would have died. I tried to convince you not to go through with it, but you were too young. You didn't understand."
He's right. I wouldn't have understood. But the price I paid for dreaming about my freedom was a heavy one.
I don't know what to say now. My emotions are so complicated. There's hate and anger, there's grief, and there's also pain and love. I don't know which emotion to give priority to.
"I know you have questions, Cynthia," Tony says. "There are things that only Adam can tell you, but I'll tell you what I can. That night when you came to Maya's and I went to fetch Lydia, I went to Adam's first. I was hoping the whole thing was a misunderstanding. I needed to figure out what the situation actually was before I took any step that would separate the two of you. But when the truth came out and Adam asked me to take you away, there was no other recourse."
"What could have been so bad that you had to manipulate me and keep me in the dark for four years?" I ask tightly. "You broke my trust in you."
"I know." Tony lowers his head. "And I knew that the day you found out, you would not want anything to do with me, but if you had known what was going on, you would not have wanted to leave Adam's side, and getting you away from there was necessary."
I frown. "What do you mean?"
Tony grimaces, and my fingers dig into the sheet covering me. "What happened, Tony?"
He runs his fingers through his hair. "I can't tell you everything because I wanted it to be need-to-know only, so I know the gist of what was going on. But none of this was meant to hurt you, Cynthia. I admit that we should have told you–I should have toldyou, but this was the first time I saw you so happy after more than two decades. I didn't have it in me to take that away from you. I convinced myself that when Adam finally told you the truth, it wouldn't be so bad. I know I was fooling myself. Maya was pissed when she found out as well. She didn't talk to me for months after. She wanted me to tell you, but I had to make her promise not to do anything that would impact your life. You had the baby and you were still struggling."
I suddenly recall sensing something off between Maya and him after Riya was born. I remember asking Maya at one point, and she had acted strange, almost nervous. I had let it go back then. Perhaps I shouldn't have.
"Tell me what you do know," I ask.
He looks regretful but begins to talk.
And as the minutes go by and he keeps speaking, my hand clenches over my empty womb, tension and fear creating a mixed set of emotions within me.
What has been going on this whole time?
****
I'm not ready to see Adam until I feel more sturdy.
I'm not ready to face him for a multitude of reasons. A few of those reasons are anger toward him, shame, and resentment towards myself. I let my wolf fade. I walked away from my daughter. I was weak. After constantly telling myself that I'm strong, that I'm a survivor, I acted weak. Lydia has tried to tell me that this was not my fault, that even our animals can be pushed to breaking point, but I can't help but blame myself. Ishould have remained stronger. However, all this is not going to change what's happened. What matters is how I move forward.
My wolf whimpers as I pick up my phone. Tony brought it for me.
"Shut up," I growl under my breath.
My animal still isn't ready to get back up. It would be easier to handle if it was due to sheer stubbornness. However, this is different. It's weighed down by a heavy sadness. I don't know how to snap it out of this state. As a result, my body is still rejecting most foods.
