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My wolf sits up, slowly.
CHAPTER 27
Cynthia
I still can't consume anything in large amounts.
Lydia explains it as my wolf's unwillingness to stay. Her meaning cannot be more clear, but the thing is that I want to fight back. Especially when she brings Riya to see me. Riya is at that age where she understands something is wrong but thinks she can fix me with a hug. Her presence does make my animal restless, though. After Riya's visit, I'm able to keep some soup down.
Lydia looks triumphant over that.
Nobody else comes to see me, but I know they come when I'm asleep. Maya and Tony's scent is always in my room. And Lydia? She is always around.
I don't know why her presence clears this fog in my head, but when she's around, I feel like I can think, like some of the hopelessness within me fades away. She's determined and fierce when she's around me, and there are times when I feel she's going to reach inside me and give my wolf a few smacks. My animal is both scared and in awe of the force of nature she is.
"This is the first time you're seeing a healer in action," Lydia beams at me when I confess my thoughts to her. "We don't just heal superficial wounds. We do so much more. My presence is a source of comfort for your animals as well."
I've become much less lethargic, and it's one of those days that Maya drops by when I'm awake.
I'm startled to see her, but seeing the way she's struggling to walk, most of my anger changes to concern. "You should be home in bed."
Her lips press together as if she's on the verge of tears, but she shuffles inside the room and, with some difficulty, pulls up a chair. "How're you feeling? Lydia said you're eating now?"
She has circles under her eyes, and her pallor isn't looking so good. When I had been in my seventh month of pregnancy, Maya had refused to let me lift a finger. She was always fussing over me. I had always thought I would do the same. It also looks like she needs it. I don't have any anger to throw her way. She looks like hell warmed over.
"Go home, Maya," I say firmly.
Tears spill from her eyes. "I didn't mean for all of this to happen, Cynthia! I swear to you."
"I know." I feel uncomfortable seeing her sitting here so heavily pregnant and clearly not well and sobbing. "I get it. Just go home and rest."
"No." She shakes her head. "I just want to talk to you first. You don't know how long I've been trying to summon up the courage to say something to you or just come in when you're awake. I just need to tell you the truth. I can't bear it if you hate me."
"I don't hate you––"
"You do!" she bursts out, sobbing. "I know you do! And you're in this position because I was a horrible friend."
At any other time, I would have agreed with her, but her state is alarming me. "I really don't. And it's fine. I'm not mad at you."
"I didn't know that Tony was in touch with Adam until the night you gave birth," Maya weeps. "I was so angry with him. I thought he had betrayed you. And that's when I found out that Adam had asked him to take you out of Seattle, to take you away and keep you safe. I was going to tell you, but Tony said it was the only way to keep you safe from Adam's enemies. Ever since he learned of your blood debt, he became ruthless, Cynthia. He spent these past couple of years getting rid of anyone he considered a threat to you. He also had to stabilize himself as Alpha. He had to make sure that he was feared to such an extent that nobody, not even his enemies, would dream of touching you or Riya."
She rubs her hands over her face. "When you broke the blood debt and I came to Detroit with you, Jonathan turned his rage on Tony. He figured out that Tony knew something, and he beat him black and blue. Tony still didn't tell him anything. It was Adam who rescued Tony before Tony joined us here. He had told Tony that you weren’t to lack anything. The apartment you live in, he had it transferred to your name. He wanted you to have security above everything else. He emphasized that you needed to enjoy your freedom and feel secure in your environment. I knew he meant well and I knew I should tell you. But each time I tried to, I kept thinking about how happy you were. We became a family here, and I let myself be lulled into this false hope that things would always remain like this. I should have said something to you. I know I should have, and I'm sorry. But I do love you, and so does Tony. He's been so broken up about this whole situation. We didn't mean to push you to this state. If we had suspected things would go this wrong, we both would have told you long ago. We wouldn't have kept it from you."
Her words drip with sincerity, and I can tell she's been beating herself up for a while now.
"It's okay."
Forgiveness is not easy. It's a bitter pill to swallow because it means that I have to choose between my anger, hurt, and pride, and my relationship with Maya.
When she looks up at me, I give her a small smile. "It's fine. I'm trying to make my peace with it, but I don't want it to be at the expense of your health. Please go home now and look after yourself. Tell Tony to come pick you up."
Maya looks away, nervousness in her eyes. "He's outside. He's been wanting to talk to you for days but––"
"I'll see him."
How long can I stay angry? I'm upset that they deceived me, that they helped Adam manipulate me into thinking I'm free. But they also loved me. Tony was there for me on my lowest days and he helped me through them. I have questions for him. And the truth is, I don't want to lose either of them. It's going to take time, but I want to move past this. Right now, the future is uncertain, but I don't want my wolf to give up.
Maya hesitantly approaches me to give me a hug, and I don't stop her. However, the warmth and unflinching trust between us is no longer there, and we can both feel it.
