AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Starla
Ivar keeps his eyes locked on me, and my aggravation grows more with each passing moment. “I’m fine, Ivar,” I say through gritted teeth, keeping my voice steady.
Ivar widens his eyes and cackles sarcastically. “Oh, I’m sure you’re fine. You’re always fine, aren’t you, Starla? As a matter of fact, you’ve been fine your whole fuckin’ life.”
His tone goes from sarcastic to angry within a second, but why does he think he has the right to be angry at me? What have I done to him?
Oh, right. I haven’t done one damn thing.
I clench my jaw and start to grit every word out, but I know better than that. I force myself to take a breath and speak calmly. “I’m not in the mood to deal with your attitude problem. I’m fine, Ivar. There is no reason to worry about me at all.”
I lick my lips, and the taste of tequila lingers there. Ivar hasn’t replied, so I head back around the bar, itching for something to do.
My eyes land on the towel I have hanging in a bucket filled with disinfectant solution. I diligently change it every single day.I can’t stand the fact germs are constantly growing, so I wipe it down whenever I get a free moment.
My fingertips glide against the edge of the clean fabric as I wipe down the bartop, erasing any germs that might be growing there.
Ivar’s hands clench around the wooden bartop as he grumbles at me, “That’s where you’re wrong. I have to worry about you because no one else gives a shit.”
I shut my eyes for a brief moment, trying to block out his words.
Ivar has given a shit about me for too long. I know it, and he knows it too. I can see he has this protective barrier around him when it comes to me.
If I needed someone to be killed, I’d go to Ivar because he would say yes. Most women would revel in the fact there’s someone who’d do that for them, but not me.
He’s already done too much for me. Ivar should be able to wash his hands clean and leave me behind. I’m not his problem anymore. I’m a big girl.
I force my eyes open and meet his ice-gray eyes. “Maybe you should be like everyone else.”
My words are sharp, meant to snap him into reality, but underneath my harsh words, there’s a hint of sadness.
I love that Ivar has always been here for me, but I don’t deserve his kindness. He’s protected me for too long, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. It’s about time I start protecting myself, and I can’t do it if he’s constantly looming over me.
Ivar shakes his head. It’s obvious he’s upset at what I’ve said. “You don’t have a fuckin’ clue, do you?” he seethes through clenched teeth. “You really think I can do that? You think I can just not give a fuck about you? I’ve given a fuck about you since Imet you. You obviously don’t know me if you think I can shut my feelings off like that, you stupid girl.”
Stupid girl.
Those two words echo back in my mind, taking me back to a time I’d rather not remember.
Back to my childhood, when Eli would scream at me at the top of his lungs when my mother was out getting her drugs. He’d slam me against the wall, tossing me around whenever he felt like it.
That was well before he started touching me and before the day I left.
I swallow hard as tears threaten to pour from the corners of my eyes. “Get the fuck out of my face, Ivar. I mean it, go.”
Ivar pushes himself back from the bar. “You know what? Fine. I’ll get out of your fuckin’ face.”
He walks off, and as soon as he’s out of my sight, I sneak into the kitchen. Fortunately for me, no one is here.
My frustration and anger turn into guilt and regret. I don’t even know why I’m acting like this, why I’m turning into this cruel person.
My heart’s racing, and my palms are sweaty. I lean against the wall, trying to calm myself down. But it doesn’t work. Every breath just takes me back to a painful time I’d rather forget.
Thunderous footsteps reverberate through the trailer, shaking the thin walls as I hide in my bedroom closet. I shut the doors ever so quietly in the hopes he won’t discover where I am. “I know you’re in here, stupid girl!” Eli roars, throwing the door to my room open.
My hand flies to my mouth so he won’t be able to hear me. I breathe as quietly as I can in and out of my nose, trying to calm the erratic beating of my heart.
I can’t, though. A metallic clang of objects being thrown across the room fills my ears, along with the splintering ofwood. He’s destroying the only place in this home where I feel safe.
