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"I'm going to start by calling you Desi, and I'm going to help you discover who Desi is," he announced.
Desirae just looked at him with a mixture of hope and bewilderment and more than a little fear. Could she realise this vision Jake had of her? Could she really let little pieces of Daisy free and start living a more fulfilling life? God knows she wanted to; she'd just never known how to do it. Was it possible for Jake to show her the way? And, why would he? In fact, that was a bloody good question!
"Why would you do all this, Jake?" She had to know.
"I need to, Desi," Jake grasped her hands in his own and squeezed. "I have to make amends for what took place that night. I'll be honest and tell you that some of that need stems from my own selfish desire to lessen the guilt I feel about what happened."
Desirae shook her head, a frown crinkling her brow. "I don't understand," she replied. "None of it was your fault!"
"It was all of our faults, Desi. Eric had taken to running off his mouth all the time but especially where you were concerned. I think he was just jealous or something, but we had all taken to ignoring him, when we should have just put him straight." Jake looked unusually sad. "I'll always regret that you witnessed that scene and saw that none of us defended you. Especially now that I see first-hand the effects it had."
Desirae swallowed back a fresh bout of tears and bit her lip to stop it from quivering as Jake continued.
"I should have stopped you from leaving or come after you straight away. You were one of my closest friends. It was the very least I should have done. The rest of the story is not really mine to tell, but I need you to know, that not everything was as it seemed that night and I'm asking you—begging you—to hear Joel out; let him tell his side of the story. For all of our sakes. What happened that night impacted us all, Desi, and, even a decade on, we each need to put it behind us."
Desirae contemplated Jake's words. Should she do this? Surely, she owed it to herself to simply try? There were so many desires she had repressed over the years. She wanted to have friendships, relationships, even children. None of those were remotely possible for the woman she'd become, for Desirae. But maybe with a little help, she could learn to lower some of the barriers, just a little bit, just enough to let some life in. She had been so happy once, taking pleasure in the simple things, a view, a sunset, a butterfly, the feel of silk against her skin, the sensuality of a kiss, the joy of friendship. She had lost all of that when she had bandaged herself up tight to stop herself from falling apart. She had become blinkered, focusing only on business and on not letting anyone close enough to endanger her healing. The trouble was that, somewhere along the line, she had forgotten to remove the bindings, and now they were constricting her. She'd remained isolated and had forgotten to actually live the life she'd so fiercely protected. She was stronger now. She had survived. She was no longer so naïve and accepting and thin skinned. And she was so very tired of being alone and lonely, of living in the shadows, when, if she was just daring enough, she could take a few short steps and be back out in the sun.
A tiny seed of hope took root and began to sprout. She could do this, and the first step was to take Jake up on his offer. To allow him to help her find Desi. Hmm! She liked the name, and surely, it was providence that he had chosen to call her the same name as Charlotte did.
She didn't know how close she'd dare let Joel, regardless of what Jake had told her. She couldn't imagine what kind of explanation would ever justify his actions…or inactions…and allow her to forgive him. But these first steps? Yes, she would take those.
Looking up into Jake's handsome face, so uncannily similar to Joel's, with his black hair and striking blue eyes, Desirae nodded her acceptance and a smile spread across her face, showing the dimple that no one in her current life had ever seen. She stood on her tiptoes to kiss Jake on the cheek, but he captured her face in his hands and pressed his lips against hers. Just briefly, platonically, but she accepted the intimacy as one of those first steps, allowing him to draw her close and press her head against his broad chest, and in that moment, she wished it had been this man she had fallen for instead of his cousin.
Chapter Twelve
Jake put project 'Desi' into full swing with something akin to gusto. He took her out for dinner, insisted that they go dancing, made her wear jeans on the weekends instead of the tailored slacks she had grown used to. He even bought her a colourful peasant skirt, although she hadn't quite had the inclination to wear it yet.
He showed her an easy affection, and she had surprised herself at how readily she accepted it. So, he held her hand, held her obscenely close when they slow danced, which really wasn't that often, since most of his jaunts were focused on fun and laughter, so the dance tempo was more often upbeat. But he had started to add a light intimacy into the mix, knowing it was something she struggled to accept. There was nothing remotely sexual about their contact, although she was peripherally aware that it probably appeared somewhat different to those around them.
Three weeks had passed since Jake and Joel had walked back into her life. The full board of directors had met, and despite the compelling notions put forward by the Blackwood Corporation, the vote had been unanimously against the takeover, just as she had expected. Both parties had withdrawn to consider their options. Blackwood, to decide whether they would make a bid for a hostile takeover. Universal, to consider the chances of that being successful and whether or not the board of directors would actually let it go that far before they conceded. Approaching the shareholders wouldn't be clear cut. It would undoubtedly come down to a question of money versus moral values, but many of their shareholders were of a more philanthropic attitude that supported the benevolent manner in which Universal conducted their business, so for them, it wouldn't be about the extra dividends that Blackwood could undoubtedly bring them. It was just that unknown percentage of less conscientious shareholders that held things in the balance and Desi had taken to quietly buying as many of the shares that came onto the open market as she could. She had been doing it since before the threat of a takeover had become something tangible, but she had a sinking feeling that Joseph Blackwood was doing the same, and he had significantly more assets than she did.
Things between Joel and herself remained at an impasse, much like the stalemate between their two companies. Their interactions were still stiff and uncomfortable despite, or maybe because of, the raging desire that seemed to arc between them whenever they were in close proximity. Joel had made no further moves to approach her and, unlike Jake, he had not been present the entire time, making frequent flights back to the Blackwood Corporation's head office, no doubt to confer with his father about the progress of their campaign.
Desi kept their encounters brief and formal, not trusting her ability to not give herself away if she got too close. Every moment she spent with him ramped up her desire and had her yearning for the intimacies they used to share—every dark, dirty sliver of it. Especially now that Jake had succeeded in bringing her out of herself, somewhat. She longed to feel Joel's hands on her skin, to relearn the contours of his body and discover how he had changed over the years. She wanted to feel his lips caress every single inch of her, relive the way her skin bloomed under his discipline and how her body exploded beneath his passion. She hungered to feel alive in that way that only Joel had ever been able to deliver and to feel that wonderful, languorous tranquillity that she knew his release could bring. It had been so long since she had experienced those things, things she had only ever considered with him.
But as much as she was tempted, she wasn't convinced that she wouldn't be opening up a fatal amount of herself. Joel was the spark, and sex would be the accelerant that would cause everything to combust into a blazing conflagration, and despite the temptation to experience the hypnotic dance of the flames, to bathe in the glow of the beautiful hues and soak up the melting warmth, Desi was still terrified of getting burned. She suspected she might be reduced to ashes in the incandescent inferno that ensued. After all, everybody knew what happened when you were stupid enough to play with fire.
"I want you to come to a club with me this evening," Jake said on Friday afternoon.
"That's a bit short notice, isn't it?" Not that she really minded, but usually, Jake gave her plenty of warning, so she knew what was coming.
"I didn't want to give you too much time to think about this one," Jake replied with a slightly rueful look about him that was starting to make her suspicious.
"What's the big deal, Jake?" Desi demanded, narrowing her eyes at the way he shifted from one foot to the other. "It's not like we've never been to a nightclub before."
"Well, you see, it's not a nightclub," Jake finished in a rush.
Desi frowned, her eyebrows beetling together, and looked at him sharply. "What do you mean, it's not a night club? Just what sort of club are we talking about, Jake?"
She straightened from the files she was putting away in the cabinet and gave him her full attention.
Jake stopped what he was doing and looked her in the eye. "'Perversions' is a kink club."
"Absolutely not!" Desi didn't even have to think about it. BDSM was just something she'd done with Joel; she'd never had any inclination to pursue the lifestyle for herself, and she didn't plan to start now.
"Wait! Just hear me out," Jake implored, his hands raised in supplication, when she would have brushed him off without a second thought.
"There's more to it than just going out to a sex club. Really!"
