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Probably not, seeing as he’d decided he couldn’t be in the same space as me.
After having a little pity cry on the floor, I decided to stop wallowing. That attitude wasn’t going to get me anywhere.
I just wished I had someone to talk to. Someone who understood what I was going through and wouldn’t judge me for feeling like this.
I shuffled back into my bedroom, spotting the book Lucky had shoved into my hands as he left the day before.
“Here. This is the next book club read. Crea Reitan is a fucking genius and you’re going to love this.”
I touched the spine of Shiver and realised I did have someone to talk to.
I typed out and deleting several awkward messages before remembering this was Lucky. He wasn’t going to judge me.
Finding my courage, I let the words pour out of me. All my silly insecurities about Sebastian not wanting me. The insane jealously I felt about him feeding from someone else. The fact that he’d held me all night but had vanished come sunrise.
I mean, I knew that was what vampires did in stories, but I’d been out with him enough during the day to know that myth was also balderdash.
Thankfully Lucky didn’t keep me waiting long.
Lucky
Wait, he’s LEFT you there? With no one protecting you?
No, he’s nearby apparently. Said to just yell if I need him.
He probs meant that literally. Heads-up that their hearing is annoyingly good. Makes it real hard to get away with fuck all. I’ve learned to stick to texts if I want to plan surprises for Dagon and Dima.
I smiled sadly. I was happy for Lucky, I really was.
But he’d never doubted that his men had feelings for him. He hadn’t had this uncertainty over whether or not he was actually wanted.
I just don’t get why he’s bothering. He obviously doesn’t want to be here. It’s not like I’m in any danger now, so why hasn’t he left?
Matty, if Sebastian didn’t want to be there, he wouldn’t be.
Maybe he’s just being nice. Or feels like he has to stay given I was just kidnapped.
My phone buzzed in my hand, Lucky’s name on the screen.
“Okay, I say this with love,” Lucky said when I’d answered. “Sebastian doesn’t do anything out of the goodness of his heart. He certainly doesn’t take time out of his day to help anyone unless it will directly benefit him.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. “You all keep telling me this, but Sebastian has literally never been like that with me.”
“But that’s my point, Matty. He treats you differently to anyone we’ve ever seen him with. Sebastian’s there because he wants to be. No other reason.”
“Then why is he hiding outside?”
Lucky gave a heavy sigh. “Okay, don’t tell Dagon I told you this, but he talked to Sebastian yesterday. He got the impression that Sebastian’s trying to keep you at arm’s length because he thinks he’s not good enough for you.”
I closed my eyes. “Yeah, I kinda got that impression too. Which is ridiculous. If anyone is punching here, it’s me.”
Lucky gave a hoot of laughter. “Aww, Matty, never change.”
I threw myself back on my bed with a huff. “I just want someone who wants me. You know what I mean?”
“He does want you, Matty. He’s just scared to let himself have you. That’s why he’s trying to keep you at a distance.”
“So what do I do?”
