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Most of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d tasted. I might’ve got a small sample of his blood in the past, but fuck, it wasn’t the same. Nothing compared to sinking my fangs into him while holding him in my arms. I didn’t know which memory I replayed more often—the moan he’d let out or the way his hole had strangled my cock.
And the taste. Matty’s taste. It was like drinking liquid sunshine spiced with honey. It had warmed me right down to my bones, like it was searching out all my dark places and banishing them with light.
Those memories kept me company until the moon was high in the sky. Only then did I allow myself to return to Matty’s flat. I couldn’t stand the thought of being so close and not holding him. Not while he might still be processing what had happened.
I’d expected him to be asleep, but no. He’d been sat up in bed, a book in his hands.
The smile he’d given me had had everything settling, just for a few moments.
Then I’d held him through the night, comforting him through another nightmare, and now I didn’t know how I was going to do it.
How was I going to leave him? I knew I needed to. I wouldn’t be good for him in the long term. Couldn’t give him what he needed and deserved.
But was I selfless enough to walk away?
I was back on the roof before the sun rose, gasping for air as I tried to see sense.
That was where I’d stayed until I’d received another message begging for help. I’d barrelled in just as fast as the first time, almost taking the door off its hinges once again. Matty had been in his room, the zipper on his jacket stuck.
That had ended with me on my knees and Matty’s cock down my throat.
I brushed my hand over my face. So that was twice I’d broken my promise to Leo.
The ending had been the same: me freaking out and running…only to sneak back in and hold Matty all night.
I was so fucked up.
If I answered this message, no doubt it’d end in sex. Again. I’d love to say I was strong enough to deny him. But I knew better. Matty had been holding my leash for longer than any of us had realised.
And yes, I was fully aware he was playing me. That I’d go bursting in only to find him stuck with some made up issue in a ploy to get me into bed.
I couldn’t lie, it was a smart tactic. Part of me was proud of how quickly he’d learned the best ways to manipulate me.
I didn’t hate him for it. How could I? He’d made it clear that he was fighting for me, even though I didn’t want him to.
No, the only one I hated was myself. For not being what he needed. For not offering him the future he deserved. Most of all, I hated myself for being so fucking weak and selfish. For drinking up every taste of Matty while I could. For carving the memory of his sunshine into my heart when I had to return to the darkness.
My phone pinged with another message. Please, Seb. I need you.
Sighing, I gave in to the inevitable. I didn’t even pretend to have any chill, leaping off the roof and sprinting across to his building.
“Matty?” My thunderous shout echoed around the empty living room.
“In here.”
The splash of water followed his statement. Oh fuck. Matty had not come to play. Closing my eyes, I knocked the back of my head on the closed front door.
“Seb?”
Sighing, I decided to face my fate. Maybe I was going to surprise myself. Maybe I’d actually do the right thing this time.
I stepped into his bathroom and slammed to a halt.
Nope. There’d be no surprising here today.
Matty was reclining in the tub, fake candlelight casting shadows over his rosy skin. A half-drunk glass of wine rested on the lip of the bath, the book he’d been reading the last two nights closed on the floor.
There was a film over the water, like he’d started with bubbles but they’d long since disappeared. Nothing was hidden, his lean, naked form visible through the cloudy water. His dick was hard, like maybe he’d been stroking himself just before I’d walked in.
