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Sebastian said I deserved the future I wanted. But he was that future. He was what I wanted.
I wasn’t letting him go without a fight.
Chapter 25
Sebastian
For the rest of the day, I gave in to my selfish impulses. Instead of leaving Matty and putting distance between us, I held him. Rather than staying quiet, I asked him question after question, trying to learn as much as I could.
Because this was coming to an end. His dream of a future…it was beautiful. It was everything he deserved. But I couldn’t be part of it. How could I live such a simple and happy life when my hands were coated with blood? How could I relax, knowing my past could come knocking at any second? What if I couldn’t protect Matty’s peace?
What if I couldn’t protect him?
Most of all, I couldn’t give him children. Sure, we had options. Gay couples adopted children or used surrogates all the time.
But I couldn’t do that. Any children we had would be fully human. I couldn’t watch them grow old while we stayed young. If Matty mated with me, he wouldn’t become a vampire, but like with demons, he’d share my eternal lifespan. I couldn’t live through knowing that even if they lived a long and full life, they would die before me. No parent wanted to think that might be a possibility.
Going into it knowing it was a certainty though… No. I couldn’t do that. What was more, I couldn’t put Matty through that.
The longer I dragged this thing out, the more it would hurt Matty.
I wasn’t labouring under the misapprehension that I could walk away and he’d feel nothing, but his heart was human. He’d recover and go on to live his dream life.
Without me at his side.
I’d resigned myself to heartbreak. It’d destroy me to leave him, but it was what was best for Matty.
A message from Ferry had put a ticking clock over our heads. He’d been held up upstairs for far longer than any of us had expected, but was planning on returning in the morning.
Leo had been on shift all week, going so far as to work overtime. Matty thought it was because he missed Ferry.
Privately though, I was sure it was to avoid spending time with me. Yet another reminder of the impact I was having on Matty’s life. He probably didn’t mind not seeing much of Leo this week, but what if this went on for months? Years?
He’d mind then.
So yes, I was being selfish. I was letting myself hold Matty, knowing this was the last time I ever would. I was asking him every question I could think of, drinking up every word so his sunshine could keep me warm on the cold lonely nights in my future.
Matty chatted away enthusiastically, snuggled on my lap and practically glowing. My stomach twisted. He probably saw this as progress in our relationship.
I fucking hated what I was about to do to him. He was strong though. Far stronger than me.
Matty would recover. I wouldn’t, but that was okay. I’d lived with a broken heart for so long that I didn’t know anything different. This time with Matty was the closest I’d come to happiness in centuries. I’d treasure these memories forever.
“You know what I’m thinking?” Matty said suddenly, twisting so he was straddling my lap on the sofa. “I’m thinking we have a few hours to kill before Leo gets home. Wanna have some fun?”
Tears burned at the back of my eyes as I kissed his full lips. “What are you thinking, sunshine?”
He bounced on my lap, wearing my favourite fucking smile. The mischievous one, lined with joy. “Hmm. How about I ride you while you bite me?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “You’re getting more confident about saying what you want.”
“What can I say? You bring it out of me.”
“Are you sure you’re up for another round? I don’t want to hurt you.”
Matty pouted, cupping my face. “I’m fine, Seb. Come on, I want this. And you know you can’t say no to me.”
He had me there. We’d showered earlier but not bothered to dress. I wasn’t sure what Ferry and Leo would think about my bare arse and balls being on their sofa, but I didn’t care. If Matty wanted us to snuggle naked on the sofa, then their views be damned.
