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I kind of hate that.
9th Dec 11:57 p.m.
Lucky dragged me to book club tonight.
I ended up sobbing over them all.
They told me all these shitty stories about you, but it didn’t help.
None of them matched up to the version of you that I know.
I don’t care about your past. Don’t care what you’ve done.
I love you.
13th Dec 5:16 a.m.
It’s been a month since you left. Do you think of me as much as I think of you?
Probably not.
24th Dec 11:46 p.m.
For the first time since I was a little boy, I’m making a Christmas wish.
I wish that I’ll wake up in the morning and you’ll be in my bed next to me, right where you belong.
25th Dec 6:22 a.m.
It didn’t come true.
Of course it didn’t. I don’t know why I expected it, but now it feels like the wound has been reopened again.
Even so, I don’t hate you.
Merry Christmas, Sebastian.
1st Jan 11:48 a.m.
We went to The Closet last night for New Years Eve. I kept looking for you, half expecting you to pop up from the shadows like you did last time.
But you didn’t.
Everyone tried to keep me distracted, but I didn’t want to bring down their vibe. I ended up excusing myself and hiding in the VIP area where I could watch them from the balcony and think of nothing but you.
I shouldn’t have watched them. It only made it worse. Do you know how hard it is for me to see everyone else mated and happy? To witness them all kiss at midnight knowing I won’t ever have what they do?
No, I don’t think you do. I’m starting to realise this thing might’ve been more one-sided than I thought.
If you felt the same as me, if you knew how hard this was, you’d still be here.
I’m going into a new year without you at my side.
A feeling I need to get used to, even if it feels impossible.
8th Jan 9:03 a.m.
Last night was a bad night.
