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He didn’t leave me waiting.
I know, sunshine. And I’m sorry. I mean it though when I say I’ll never hide anything from you again. I want a fresh start with you, where we can be completely open and honest with each other. To do that though, I need to tell you everything…starting with every message I should’ve sent you in our time apart.
Actually, scratch that. I shouldn’t have messaged you while we were apart, because I never should’ve left in the first fucking place.
My lips twitched.
I’m totally buying you a swear jar.
Sunshine, for you, I’ll try anything.
Taking a deep breath, I put my phone to one side and picked up the papers.
If Sebastian could try, then I could too.
The thing I really see in my future is you.
I don’t care about the rest of it. All of it is negotiable.
The only thing that isn’t is that I want you to be part of it.
I want to give you everything you dream of, sunshine. The house near Leo and Ferry. A big kitchen with two ovens so you can bake multiple things at once. A whole room just for yarn storage. Hell, you can have as many rooms as you like.
Any future you want, Matty. And if you’ll still let me be a part of it?
It’ll be the biggest honour of my life.
I took a shuddering breath. When was the last time I’d baked? Or crocheted?
It was like Sebastian had taken my love for everything in my life with him. Now he was back, could I find those other parts again too?
I skimmed over his responses to the rest of the messages. Sebastian’s guilt was starting to become too much. His pain was evident in every stroke of the pen.
The worst thing was that I knew he wasn’t trying to make me feel bad. He was doing what I’d always wished he would and flaying himself open for me.
I hated it though. Despite what I’d been through, I hated that he’d suffered too.
Flicking through the pages, I found his response to the final message I’d sent.
Maybe one day you’ll come back to me. Maybe we’ll read these back together and laugh at how much I missed you.
If you ever want to, I’ll read these back with you. There won’t be any laughter though. How could I ever laugh at your pain?
And then…
Or maybe you won’t. But at least it’ll always be a reminder that I tried. That I fought for you even if you wouldn’t fight for me.
Oh, I’m coming back, Matty. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to see the light, but there’s no going back for me now. You’re it for me, sunshine.
And I’m going to fight for you. For us. The way I should’ve done since the first time I laid eyes on you.
Hold on, Matty. I’m coming for you.
My lips tingled, like the muscles were remembering what it felt like to smile, but still not quite getting there.
Folding the pages carefully, I tucked them under my pillow. Picking up my phone once more, I texted Sebastian again.
Be here at eight tomorrow.
