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I’d spent centuries building the barriers around my heart, and every second in Matty’s presence eroded another layer. “Sorry, I can’t stay. I’ve got things to do.”
His shoulders sank, and for a heartbeat, I almost reconsidered. “No worries. Maybe some other time.”
My heart begged me to agree. To promise him there would be another time…but I couldn’t lie to Matty. Instead, I inclined my head, memorising his looks one final time. “Goodbye, Matty. Thank you for tonight.”
His arms wrapped around his stomach, hugging tightly. “Don’t know why you’re thanking me. You didn’t even get to…you know.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tease him for being unable to say the word ‘come.’ That might embarrass him though. The last thing I wanted him to feel when he looked back on tonight was shame.
“That’s not what this was about,” I reminded him. “This is about you finding the man you deserve. Because you, Matty, you deserve the world.”
I made it all the way to the door, before Matty cried out, “Seb…wait.”
All my muscles were tight as I turned to face him. He was scurrying towards me, a bundle in his hands. “Here. I made you this last night and this morning.”
He thrust it into my hands and I examined it wordlessly. It was a scarf made from the yarn he’d made me help him pick out yesterday.
Matty babbled on, filling the silence. “There’s a couple of missed stitches. I was working on it late last night and my lamp wasn’t bright enough. Not an issue with lighter coloured wool, but darker ones are trickier. Anyway, I figured you’re always cold, so maybe this will help warm you up.”
He continued talking, but I was no longer listening, too busy staring down at the soft wool. It was so dark against my pale skin. I’d been right, it was the exact shade of Matty’s eyes.
No amount of knitwear could change what I was.
A vampire. A murderer. A lost soul.
I shoved it back into his hands, cutting Matty off mid-sentence. “I can’t accept this.”
Matty’s lips fell open in a small, surprised O. “But…but I made it for you.”
I was already shaking my head, scrabbling behind me for the door handle. “I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from you, Matty.”
I never knew silence could be so loud.
I’d done it. I’d done the one thing I hadn’t wanted to.
I’d hurt him.
It was like a pair of shutters dropped over his eyes. Matty’s face hardened so much that it was almost impossible to imagine he’d ever soften it with a smile. “Goodbye, Sebastian.”
I hated it. Hated the sound of my full name. Hated the way he looked at me like I was a stranger. Hated the sheen in his eyes and the way his knuckles whitened as he gripped the scarf.
Then a tear slipped free. He brushed it away almost instantly, but it wasn’t fast enough.
And I hated myself. Hated that I couldn’t be the man he deserved.
That was what I hated most of all.
Chapter 10
Matty
Ididn’t think I’d ever been so humiliated in my life.
What had I been thinking, offering a handmade scarf to a super-hot and fashionable guy like Sebastian? It was no wonder he didn’t want it.
Okay, so maybe he could’ve been a bit kinder rather than just shoving it back at me, but honestly, what had I been expecting?
And then letting him see me cry? Just kill me now.
