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“Crazy that you want to spend it in the library,” I tell her. “We could go for a hike or something.”
“Maybe next weekend,” she says.
“Next weekend is the car wash,” I remind her. “We were going to go back to Pembrooke for it, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember. I just… I’m not sure if I want to go back.” She fiddles with the straw of her coffee, avoiding my gaze.
“You can’t avoid going home forever,” I say softly.
There are many times I’ve dreaded returning to Pembrooke. Since my dad died, it feels like there’s less there for me. The house I grew up in, gone. Lily, gone. I see my high school friends elsewhere. Sydney is usually in the city living her life. Cassia is here with me.
All I really care about there is that old court.
But I know for Cassia, Pembrooke has always been special. She has the big, memory-filled house and the happy family and the shelter that sparked her dream of becoming a veterinarian.
I hate that’s changed for her.
That it’s less of a home now.
She exhales. “Yeah, I know.”
I do too, realizing I need to get into everything I’ve been avoiding telling her. It’s not an excuse, but my mom’s illness is important context for explaining how the situation with Bailey happened.
“I might have to start going back to Pembrooke a lot,” I tell her.
Cassia looks at me, a wrinkle appearing on her forehead. “What do you mean?”
“Remember that day I came home when you and Sydney were twerking in the living room?”
“We were nottwerking.”
I grin, then sip some coffee. “Whatever. I told you how Mark got stung by a bee at the court and then we went to the emergency room because he’s allergic.”
Cassia nods. “Yeah, I remember.”
“What I didn’t tell you was that I ran into my mom when I was at the hospital.”
She inhales sharply as soon as she hears the m-word.
“And that I found out that she’s sick, dying. She has liver cancer and needs a transplant.”
Cassia bites her bottom lip, her eyes filling with sympathy.
“I didn’t know what to do. How to process it. Who to tell.” I sigh. “I did some research. Online mostly. Then I called the hospital and talked to her doctor.”
“You got tested to see if you could donate.”
I nod, not surprised she knows all the information I spent hours researching about living donors. Flattered she thinks highly enough of me to jump to that conclusion.
“Yeah. I’m still waiting to get the results. After getting tested, I was in a bad place. If I’m not a match, my mom will probably die. If I am, I’ll miss most of my senior season before I’m cleared to play. Finn called, talking about some party. I drank way too much and then when I woke up—”
She interrupts me. “It’s okay, Holden.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not. No matter what else was going on, it’s no excuse for me being that stupid. I got drunk because I was trying to forget. Because I don’t want to help her and if I do, it seemed like I should damage my liver as much as possible first.”
Cassia snorts, pressing her lips together to keep the smile at bay. “That’s terrible logic.” Her expression turns sympathetic. “I get it, though. Why you felt that way.”
“I got wasted, and at some point I went upstairs to find a place to pass out. When I woke up, she was there. Nothing that happened had anything to do with her. I’m not interested in her or attracted to her. I never flirted with her or touched her or wanted to. Going to that party was a mistake. So was drinking as much as I did. But that’s all I’m asking for forgiveness for. I picked a shitty spot, but all I did was sleep. I swear. And I was going to tell you. It wasn’t supposed to be a secret. I went over to your apartment the next day to tell you, and then Sydney was there. Sydney waspregnant.”
