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“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” I scrub a palm across my face.
“Jesus, Holden.”
I drop my hand, realizing she’s focused on my knuckles.
“It looks worse than it is.”
I’m not sure if it does, actually. I thought the shower would clean it up. But blood is oozing out of the wound again. I definitely should have searched for a Band-Aid, at the very least. The paper towel didn’t do much.
Cassia steps closer, searching my expression. “Did something happen?”
I exhale. People are walking in and out around us, but I’m totally focused on her.
“I got the results. I’m not a match.” I spit the words out.
Sympathy bleeds across her face.
“And I’m relieved, which makes me feel like shit. But I’m also angry. Disappointed. Not only because she’ll probably die, but because I wanted her to owe me. Tonot want usbut toneed me.” I shake my head. “It’s stupid. I’m just—”
“It’snotstupid.”
She hugs me. Here in the lobby of the sports center. Random people are walking past and the fluorescent lights hum overhead. And I hug her back, bending my neck so my chin rests on her shoulder. Exhale deeply, ignoring the throb of my hand and the ache in my heart and focusing on the only person I’ve ever allowed myself to accept comfort from.
“I could get tested,” she whispers.
I pull back so I can see her. So she can see my expression, especially the certainty there. “No. Absolutely not.”
“It’s not as likely I’d be a match since I’m not family, but—”
“I saidno, Cassia.”
“Why not? You were going to—”
“Those are risks I was willing to take myself. Not anything I would let you chance.”
“She’s your mom.”
“I don’t care.”
“I could at least get tested and then—”
I start walking, needing the fresh air outside.
She follows me. “You can’t just walk away, Holden. At least let’s talk—”
I whirl on her. “There’s nothing to discuss.”
Her chin sets stubbornly. “I disagree.”
“I don’t care. It’s my mom. My situation to figure out. I have to be able to tell you things and trust that you’ll respect my decisions!”
“How is me offering to get tested not respecting your decision? You chose to get tested. I could do the same. What if I’m a match? What if I could save her and I didn’t? Could you live with that?”
“Yes,” I tell her bluntly. “Because I love you, not her. I’m not willing to risk you to help her, and if that makes me a terrible person, I don’t really care.”
Cassia inhales deeply, then glances away. “Fine. The offer stands, sothinkabout it instead of just reacting. But you’re right; it’s your mom. I would never do it behind your back, but please consider it, okay? I would do it foryou, not her.”
