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But right now it’s hard, knowing they’ll have a different childhood than I did.
My dad showed up for dinner last night as promised. I don’t think any of my siblings—except Regan—noticed the way my parents avoided each others’ gazes the entire meal. How my dad loaded the dishwasher and kicked a soccer ball around with the twins before heading into his home office and closing the door. It was still shut when I went to sleep, long after my mom had retired. My guess is my dad slept on the couch in his office.
Regan found out about the divorce by snooping through some papers on her desk, according to my mom. Which means therearepapers, something I didn’t know.
And Maggie knows about the divorce too. My mom told her before she left for college, same as me. I’m not surprised I haven’t heard from Maggie about it. We’ve never had the sort of relationship where she comes to me for advice or assurance. She’s more of a realist than I am in some ways, and much less of a hopeless romantic. Maybe she saw the signals I missed that our parent’s relationship had changed for the worse. If Holden Adams had ignored her in high school, Maggie would have dated the rest of the basketball team right in front of him. That’s just never been me.
Holden shows up at the animal shelter around two. I haven’t seen him since I dropped him off at the condo yesterday before heading to my dad’s law firm.
He headed into the city early this morning to see Sydney. To check in with her. And to tell her about their mom, I’m guessing, although he didn’t explicitly tell me what he’d decided to do about that. We’ve both avoided the subject since I offered to get tested.
And he never responded to my text asking how the visit went, which I’m assuming means not well. I haven’t heard anything from Sydney.
But there’s no stress on his face as he approaches me, smiling at the long line of cars still waiting to be washed.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
“Sogood. Ten dogs have already been adopted, and there’s two hours left. Plus—” I glance at Jackie, who’s now off standing with a few of her friends, including Harrison’s sister. “There’s been a lot of interest in volunteering somewhere that holds events like this.”
“Huh.” He smirks. “Wonder why.” Then glances at the wire pens that have been set up so people can meet and play with the dogs available for adoption. “Has Milo been adopted?”
I shake my head. “I’m sad…and relieved.”
His smile is bittersweet. “I know.”
“You never replied to my text. How did it go with Sydney?”
“Sorry, I was distracted. And then I got off at the wrong subway stop, almost missed my train.” Holden exhales. “Sydney wants to see her. Wants me to set up a meeting to talk to her next weekend.”
“Really?” Sydney avoids the subject of her mom as much as possible. I didn’t consider she would want to see her. Based on Holden’s expression, he didn’t either. As far as I know, he had no plans to ever reach out to his mom. To leave her to her fate, as sad as that sounds.
“Yeah.”
“Do you have a way to contact her?”
“We didn’t swap phone numbers. But I know where she lives. If I get creative, I’m sure I can find something.” Holden leans down to pat the lab in the nearest cage. “He looks like Lily.”
“I thought that too.”
His smile is bittersweet. “I miss her.”
“Me too.” She died last year.
Catherine found Lily cold and unresponsive in her bed one morning and brought her to the vet to be cremated.
Neither of us were here, and I’ll always wish I’d been able to say goodbye to her. For so long, Lily was a reminder who Holden was to me. He might have ignored me in the halls and went out with other girls, but Lily was a reminder he’d begged his dad for a dog and named her after a flower. For me.
Holden gives the lab one final pat and then straightens. “Finn called on the train home. He’s hosting a party tonight.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course he is.”
“I told him we probably wouldn’t make it.”
“Why not?”
“I thought you’d want to spend more time with your family.”
“They’re going to a barbeque tonight, so I can’t anyway. I was going to come over to the condo.”
