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It’s been a while since I experienced the reckless energy humming through me right now. Worrying about my mom isn’t just unpleasant, it’s probably a waste of time. Definitely more time than she’s spent concerned about me.
I knew you were better off without me.
That’s what she told me when I confronted her about abandoning me and Sydney. And our dad. I’m not sure if he ever got over it. He buried himself in working. Half the time, he felt as absent as she did. With one crucial difference—he was workingforus. She was just selfish.
Just like I am.
But unlike in high school, I know there’s someone I would sacrifice for. There’s a difference between me and my mom, something I know separates us.
Harrison and a few other guys are waiting down the block beneath one of the massive trees that line the street. The closest house to it is clearly our destination, loud music audible even from here.
I greet the guys—Finn’s friends who I’ve met on past visits—and tap knuckles with Harrison.
“I’m sorry about the camping trip,” he tells me quietly, as we head up the brick walkway toward the party. “You were right. It was none of my business.”
I glance at him. “Because I told you we’d work it out, and we did? Would you be saying this if Cassia and I weren’t back in a good place?”
Harrison shrugs. “I don’t know. But you are, so…”
I shake my head. Snort, because at least he’s predictable in his meddling.
“You didn’t make any sense together, Holden. I noticed Cassia in high school, okay? She was sweet and smart. You were throwing punches every Friday night. I thought you were going to destroy her. I didn’t get it then and I’m not sure I get it now. But there’s not a fucking chance Cassia doesn’t know what she got into by now, so…” He shrugs. “You were right; your relationship.”
“If anyone’s destroying anyone, it would be her obliterating me.” I say the words quietly, not wanting the rest of the group to overhear.
But I mean them.
Cassia has always had the power to shatter me.
Harrison’s expression is all surprise as he glances over.
“Make fewer assumptions, Baker,” I say. “I never got why girls—including my sister—had a thing for you in high school. But it probably had something to do with the ‘good guy’ thing, you acting like a saint who could throw a spiral.”
Harrison looks away.
“I don’t blame you for being interested in her. What pisses me off—then, now—is you not respecting our relationship. Iloveher. Unless she tells me to fuck off, I’m sticking around. There isn’t her side and my side, it’s justus. You think you want what’s best for her? That’s nothing compared to how much I care. Accept that, respect our relationship, and we won’t have any issues.”
“Okay,” he says.
“Great.”
We reach the front door.
The party inside looks similar to Richmond’s parties. With important distinctions.
Cassia isn’t here.
My teammates aren’t here.
Unless any guys on Arlington’s basketball team show up and decide to start shit, I’m just one more person in a crowded room.
I push all my responsibilities, all my obligations, all my worries far away. Follow Finn into the kitchen, shrugging off the girls who approach me as we push through the living room.
The air is hot and heavy, weighted by the scent of smoke and alcohol and sweat. It smells like loose inhibitions and bad decisions.
Finn knows exactly where he’s going. He heads straight toward the cabinet to the left of the sink, pulling out an unopened bottle of amber liquid. Whiskey. My favorite.
I take the shot he hands me and down it, the burn of alcohol sliding down my throat a relief. I don’t cough or reach for a chaser. I hold out my cup for a refill.
