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“Can I sit down?”
She looked beside her, as though judging whether or not there was enough space on the step for him.
Her hands released her legs, and she scooted over to allow room for him.
“Thanks,” he said, sitting down beside her.
Lord, I’m terrible at this. But every time I think about marrying Alaska, I feel like it’s the right thing to do. If it is, I know you’re going to work this out. I’ll do my best, but you and I both know this is not something I’m good at. I suppose, since you’re putting this in my lap, it’s something you want me to get better at. But I don’t know how.
And, as he was praying, a thought came to him.
Be honest.
What a novel idea.
He sighed. “I’m not very good at this.”
“Good at what?” she asked, and he was grateful that she was at least talking to him. Some of his sisters could go days, weeks, giving him the silent treatment when they were younger. His parents never allowed it, but sometimes they could get away with doing it to him if his parents didn’t figure out what they were doing. His mom and dad had been big believers in discussing things, and not pretending that nothing was wrong. He, on the other hand, would much rather pretend that nothing was wrong, and just muddle through.
“Talking to women.”
“I suppose that is pretty obvious, considering that you had a fiancé you didn’t tell me about, even though you and I were supposed to get married.”
“See? I told you I wasn’t any good.”
She laughed a little. And he felt like maybe that was the first hurdle. That she wasn’t completely cold to him. He could make her laugh a little. He wasn’t exactly known as someone who was jovial and funny, but it made him happy to hear Alaska laugh. She had a slightly husky laugh, one that moved over him smooth, like warm honey.
“I like to hear you laugh.”
“I didn’t know we knew each other well enough to know what we liked about each other.”
“That bothers you?”
“It didn’t. But maybe it should. I didn’t like the surprise of finding out that you had a fiancé. And I really didn’t like the surprise of seeing her today, and seeing that she thought she still had a claim on you. Considering that we’re supposed to be in Rockerton at the courthouse, it just feels...not right.”
Probably because it wasn’t right. “Again, that’s my fault.”
He didn’t ask her where her children were, although it occurred to him just then to wonder. Probably Nelda had expected them to be gone all day, and she had either taken them to her house, or gone somewhere with them.
“Does that happen often?” Alaska asked. Then, she wrapped her arms around her legs again, and leaned forward just a bit, as though protecting herself. “I know I really don’t have the right to ask. I —”
“You do.”
“No. You’re marrying me because of pity. To protect me. To protect my children and give them a life. I should be grateful, not demanding fidelity.”
“You have to demand fidelity. That’s a given in marriage. It’s definitely something I owe you, if I’m going to make you my wife.”
“Like you owed Sondra?”
“I told you, that’s different.”
“What if I start going around saying something, and start believing that it’s true, are you going to correct me?”
“I guess I should. I shouldn’t just let things go. I... I’m bad at that, because I know this kind of thing...what you and I were talking about...It’s stuff that isn’t concrete. It makes me feel squirmy inside.” Squirmy wasn’t exactly a manly word, but he didn’t have another word to use. He couldn’t think of anything else that was applicable.
“I guess I can understand that. The idea of this ranch, of me being on it, I feel like I don’t know anything. I mean, I wanted to storm away somewhere, but I didn’t even know where I could go. You know?”
“That’s funny. I was thinking as I was walking in the house that there’s a spot that I wanted to show you. It’s my favorite spot on the farm.”
