AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’d like to see it.” Her eyes dropped down. “You know, you’re not the only one who’s not any good at this kind of thing.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you’re not either?” He found that hard to believe. Weren’t women naturals at relationships? And the whole controversy between men and women was because women were good at it and men weren’t, right?
“Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying. I don’t typically have good relationships. I guess I have a tendency to fall for men who are unavailable.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the father of my two children was married.”
“I’m not sure I knew that.”
“Yeah. That says a whole lot about me, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t think you’re that person anymore.” He spoke slowly. Hoping that was true. He didn’t want to get married to someone who didn’t think that marriage vows were sacred.
“No. That was before Jesus. I hope I’m not that person anymore, but once you’ve done something, sometimes you’re just afraid that you’re going to continue to do that same thing, even though you don’t want to. Maybe you don’t have that problem.”
“No. I do. I want to be the kind of person who is able to talk to people, but every time I try, I seem to say something stupid. It doesn’t matter how many times I think to myself I don’t want to open my mouth unless I know what’s coming out is going to be beneficial, I just...this is not the only time where I had that problem.”
“Yeah. You don’t seem like you talk a lot.”
“I don’t really need to.”
“I think sometimes your wife wants you to talk to her.”
“Oh does she?” He smiled a little. She wasn’t even his wife yet.
“I think she will.”
Just talking about it made him eager to get in the truck and head to Rockerton. He wanted her to be his wife. He couldn’t even explain exactly why. He thought about the danger, and looked both ways, not that he would have any idea of how to spot danger, unless he saw someone coming toward him in a threatening way.
“You know, maybe I’m out of my league with the idea that I can protect you. I’m a rancher. I fix stuff, grow things, work cattle. I don’t have any detective skills or great protective skills. I just... I just hope to keep an eye on things. I guess.”
“Like watching a cow that’s getting ready to have a baby?”
He laughed. “I guess. I do that. Although our cows are bred to be able to calve on their own and don’t usually need human help.
“I have no idea.”
“Hey. You’ll learn.” He put a hand on her arm, reaching out because she sounded so despondent. He could understand the feeling. It occurred to him to try to reach her that way. Through their weaknesses. “You don’t know anything about ranching. I don’t know anything about relationships. I don’t know anything about being a husband. I don’t know anything about...talking. Not when we’re talking about relationships.” He huffed out a laugh. “I don’t even know how to tell you what I don’t know how to do.”
She laughed along with him. “You’re doing a good job. You know, even more important than doing it right, is just showing that you care and when you try, it shows. And I suppose I would rather see that than having you know how to do everything exactly right, but feel like there’s no heart behind it. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah. I think that’s the easy way out. You want to just put in the time, get it done, so you don’t have to worry about it, and can cross it off your list. But a relationship really isn’t like that. It’s not something you can cross off. At least, I guess I’m figuring that out. But, I always did try to have a good relationship with my siblings, and my parents modeled that. I... Didn’t care about having a good relationship with Sondra. So, maybe that allowed me to get into some bad habits.”
“Maybe,” she said, and it sounded noncommittal.
“What’s the matter? Why did you sound so much different when I talked about Sondra?”
At first he didn’t think she was going to answer him. Then he thought maybe he was being dense. Maybe she thought he knew the answer and was just asking to be smart.
“Like you don’t know.”
“I really don’t. I know that I should know more than what I do, but this is not the kind of thing that I focused on. Will you help me?”
“I’m sorry. It just seems like it would be common sense, but then I suppose there’s going to be a lot of things on the ranch that to you are common sense, and to me are new and don’t make any sense at all.”
“That’s fair.” He figured she was probably right.
