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‘They’re probably in one of the boxes in your bedroom, Mummy,’ Allegra said as she held out a hand. ‘Shall I help you look?’
Brooke allowed her daughter to lead her upstairs to open the boxes and find her comfortable trainers. Otherwise, she’d be wearing her flip-flops or slippers, and she didn’t think that would be wise, considering it was winter and her feet got cold at the best of times.
Half an hour later, they left the house, wrapped up in layers including hats, coats and gloves.
They strolled along Sunflower Street, hand in hand, and Brooke tried to relax her shoulders because for the past ten months she’d felt like they were up around her ears. Allegra chatted about the houses and cottages, about the Christmas tree on the village green that would, no doubt, soon be taken down and about how much she liked her new bedroom. Brooke had been worried that Allegra might not like the house, but she seemed to approve of it and Brooke hoped with all her heart that Allegra would settle well. If not, she had no idea what she would do because the idea of moving back to Rochdale, of packing everything up again and going through the upheaval of a move did not appeal at all.
She breathed in the chilly air, then exhaled, watching as her breath dispersed on the breeze. She was to take this day by day, to avoid worrying about what would happen tomorrow, next week, or next month and to try not to look too far ahead. Counselling had taught her this, and she tried to heed the advice, but sometimes, panic set in and she spiraled as everything seemed so overwhelming. And that, she reminded herself, had been the point of the counselling; to help her learn to deal with her grief and her fears so that she could be present for her daughter, and, of course, for herself.
‘It’s a new year, isn’t it, Mummy?’ Allegra asked.
Brooke nodded. ‘A brand new year.’
‘So it’s time for us to start over?’ Allegra skipped a few steps, jogging Brooke’s arm up and down.
‘People do say that.’
‘Did you make any resolupshions?’
‘Resolupshions?’ Brooke asked with a smile.
‘Yes. The man on the TV said that some people make resolupshions.’ Allegra stopped skipping and gazed up at Brooke.
‘Not really. Not this year.’Apart from trying to pull myself together, because I need to be here for you.‘I have maderesolutionsin the past but they usually involved eating less chocolate or exercising more. Sometimes, I decided I’d try to take up a new hobby.’ Brooke shrugged.
‘I want to make a resolupshion, but I don’t know what it should be,’ Allegra said.
‘Well have a think about it because there’s no rush. You can make them at any point in the year, although, of course, January is a good time to start.’
‘OK, Mummy.’ Allegra nodded.
They carried on walking and passed a pub, a garage and reached the primary school. Brooke’s stomach flipped, and she wondered how Allegra would feel seeing the building.
‘Is that my new school, Mummy?’ Allegra asked.
‘It is.’ Brooke bit her lip. This would all have been so much easier if Aidan had been here too. It would have been something they’d have done together, taking Allegra for her first day at her new school, but now, Brooke would be forced to do it alone and she felt scared. Lonely. Nervous for herself and for Allegra. And yet, she knew that it had to be done because Allegra could not get too far behind with her education. Once Allegra started school in a few days’ time, they would begin a new routine. It would be a positive thing, she told herself. Routine would keep them going.
‘It looks nice,’ Allegra said, and Brooke’s heart swelled. Her daughter was a brave and beautiful soul, and she would do well. Brooke didn’t have to worry about that.
‘Come on then,’ she said. ‘Let’s find the park.’
They crossed the road and found themselves outside the high walls of the village lido.
‘What’s a lido?’ Allegra asked, pronouncing itliddo.
‘It’s an outdoor swimming pool.’
‘There’s a swimming pool here?’ Her daughter’s eyes lit up.
‘Yes. Sorry, I thought Daddy told you.’ Brooke swallowed hard. It was so difficult sayingDaddyto Allegra. She worried every time that it would upset her daughter, but Allegra grinned.
‘He didn’t! Mummy, can we go swimming?’
‘Well … Umm … Not right now because it’s January and the water would be freezing but when the weather warms up, yes, we can go.’
‘Hooray!’ Allegra jumped up and down. ‘I can’t wait. We can go every day after school when you pick me up.’
‘I guess we can.’ And for a moment, Brooke was uplifted by the thought of collecting her daughter from school on warm afternoons then heading to the lido where they could sit around the pool eating ice creams and drinking lemonade. She could teach Allegra how to swim without her armbands, then they’d both glow from their time in the water and Allegra would be happy and Brooke would begin to heal. They would leave the sad, dark days behind and start to enjoy their lives again.
