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“Just checking on how your day is going.” My dad’s there in his white coat with his fancy new title stitched into it. He still can’t stop coming down to the ER, and I wonder if he visits all the departments as much as he visits mine.
“Good. I actually got to interact with a patient today.”
He chuckles. “Unfortunately, that is a by-product of the job once you climb the ladder. There’s a lot of other things you have to handle besides dealing with patients.”
He’s not lying. It didn’t take me long to realize that I went into this naively. I knew a lot of my time would be dealing with administrative and bureaucratic stuff, I just didn’t realize how far removed I would be from true patient care.
“How’s Cooper doing today?” he asks with a smirk because he caught me. Since he’s the one who wanted us to break up, I’m not sure why he’s even asking.
“They’re winning.” I offer the least amount of information I can.
“Guess your breakup hasn’t affected his play.”
I stare blankly at my dad. “It appears not. No.”
“I wish I could say the same for you.” He steps further into my office but doesn’t sit down.
His comment feels like a slap in the face. “Am I doing a bad job?” I thought I caught on fast.
“You’re doing a great job.” He smiles. “I’m really proud of you. I get compliments all the time about you.”
I frown. “Then what do you mean?”
He sets his hands on his hips and sighs. “You’re not happy here, are you?”
“I am.” I give him my best smile, even if I know it’s fake.
“Ellery. I know I wasn’t around a lot when you were younger, but I still do know you, and you’re going through the motions here, but you’re not happy.”
Do I even open this line of conversation with my dad? I’ve never felt a sense of trust I think kids should feel telling their parents their hopes and dreams. I have never felt like I could be really honest. “I miss caring for the patients.”
He nods, breaking the distance and sitting in the chair in front of my desk. “It takes some getting used to. Maybe you’ll grow into it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure I will.”
“It’s funny. I always used to feel like your mom got you the first eighteen years of your life and I’d get you for the rest. I thought we were replicas of one another. But your mother has been pushing her advice on me lately and made me realize that maybe you never wanted to be a doctor in the first place.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m happy being a doctor, but…” I take a deep breath. This shouldn’t be such a big deal to say, to admit to my dad as well as myself, but it is. It’s years of engrained thinking I’m pushing up against. “I think I want more.”
“This is more.” He looks around the office with my name on the door.
“Not like that. I want to be the one caring for patients. I want to be the one who follows their cases through and sees the outcome, build a relationship with them.”
He leans back and studies me for a second. “With all due respect, Ellery, you can barely handle it when you lose a patient in the ER. Can you really imagine having a closer relationship with them?”
“I’ve considered that.” I’ve had a month to think about it as I lay holed up in my apartment because my life, at least everything I knew of my life, is back in Chicago. I miss Cooper and Bryce. Hell, I even miss Damon. But I miss Cooper the most. The more I think about what he said, the more I wonder why I put all those stipulations on us. Why would I want to go slow when I had waited so long to cross that line?
“I guess you’re more like your mom than me after all,” he says, surprisingly not sounding mad. “Are you considering going back for family medicine?”
I nod.
“I knew you weren’t happy here, but I thought that had to do more with Cooper than the actual job.” I open my mouth, but he puts his hand up. “I want to apologize. I think I thought if I brought you here, you’d be able to really excel without the complication of Cooper. I should have never suggested the two of you break up.” He shakes his head.
I look across the desk at him like I’ve never seen this man before. “Does mom have you in therapy or something?” I’m honestly asking because he’s never talked to me like this.
I’ve always been afraid to open up to my dad, fearing this judgment. I didn’t see him a lot when I was young, and when I did, he always praised me when I did well in school or showed interest in becoming a doctor like him. I think I thought that by pursuing the career he wanted for me, I was earning his love and respect.
He chuckles. “Your mom is none too pleased with me for moving us here. We’ve had some heated arguments, some involving you and how I treat you. She’s a very persuasive woman.”
