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My Dearest Parks,
My heart breaks that you are alone in this. I wish you’d reach out to your mom, if not to me. I can’t say that I understand what you’re going through, but I miss you and am worried. Please reach out to someone soon.
Love always,
Liv xx
With that done, I yelled out to Martha that I’d be right back, and that lunch was ready at the bar. I marched over to Parker’s as best I could, with a limp and determination.
I knocked with no luck, then simply called, “I’ve left you a plate and a note. Please, Parker, eat and read the note.” Then I turned and walked away.
Satisfied that I felt he would at least eat the Tuna steak, Martha and I sat on the lanai and enjoyed ours. After a week of complete dependence, I knew it was time to encourage Martha to go home.
“Martha, you’ve been so amazing. I’ve taken you away from your life long enough,” I said over dinner that evening.
Martha looked at me lovingly and patted my hand. “I’ve been thinking the same. You’re doing so wonderfully, and I don’t want to invade your space or overstay my welcome. I’ll leave in the morning if that’s okay?”
I smiled and said that would be fine. My eyes teared when I looked at Martha. I’d grown to love this woman who had cared for me so well over the last several months.
Another week went by, and I was discharged from physical therapy. I had healed as much as I was going to, and with a plate of lemon biscuit cookies, Deanna said there was no need for her any longer. She hugged me and wished me well.
After she left, I said what the hell, and tasted the lovely-smelling cookies. Not being much of a cookie person, I was shocked at how wonderful they tasted. I ended up eating two; they were sweet, tart, and unique, all in the same bite, like a biscuit with the tartness of lemon but not the sweetness of a cookie, and the yellow icing with its sprinkles was heaven in my mouth.
Olivia
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us. Henry David Thoreau
The sparkle in my eyes changed to fire; my internal battles had morphed to external anger. I was going to settle this shit once and for all. I had been caring for Simba, feeding him, and keeping him at my house from the day I got home. I wasn’t sure how he’d gotten out, but he ended up on my lanai, half-starved and clearly miserable.
I put on a long-sleeved maxi dress that touched the ground, let my hair down and shook it, allowing the waves to be free. After calling for Simba, I opened the front door, letting him out first, then I followed. “Come on, boy. We’ve got some business to take care of with your owner.”
My eyes burned as if they were on fire, and my jaw was set in determination as I walked up to Parker’s front door and turned the handle. The door didn’t open, but I knew the key code to get in, so I took it upon myself to let myself in.
Simba immediately ran through the door to Parker, knocking the door from my grip. He jumped up on his lap and started licking his face.
I was taken aback by the appearance of his place. It looked like a tornado had come through and destroyed just about everything in the house. My hand went to my throat as I looked around at the destruction and thought how far he’d fallen. Parker must have sensed he wasn’t alone; as he looked up and our eyes met, he started sobbing.
I walked up to him, and he asked “What are you doing here? Haven’t I ruined your life enough?”
“You mean the life I’ve always wanted?”
“I never expected you to speak to me ever again.” My eyes welled up with tears. The sparkle had not returned; the fire had been put out and replaced with something different: a deep sadness. I saw Parker try to turn away, but wouldn’t allow him to; I held his gaze.
“All I ever wanted was to speak to you again,” I said as I walked over to him. Parker stood at that time, and we were only inches apart. “I don’t blame you for what happened to me. I blame you for what happened to us.”
We embraced as Parker whispered in my ear. “I’ve got you. After what I saw, I never thought there would be an us. The only thing I’ve ever wanted was for you to come through that door.” His hand involuntarily touched the wide, raised scar that ran down my face. His eyes welled with tears as I pushed my face into his touch. A slight noise escaped the back of my throat as tears ran down my cheeks, and I looked up at him with eyes full of fear.
“Parker, I want you to get help dealing with your past, I will not go through a relationship wondering if you’ll be there if shit gets too tough. You let me down, but I get it; now I need you to get it and get help.”
He looked at me with the saddest eyes, I wanted to go to him and tell him it would be okay, but I needed him to offer a bit more. I needed to know he’d get the help he deserved and needed so we could have a future together. I needed to be able to trust him. If he said he would, I knew I could trust that he’s always been a man of his word, no one could deny that.
“I will baby, I promise. I actually have an appointment scheduled and have been having tele visits with a guy that mom referred me to in one of her notes.”
I wasn’t prepared for his eagerness, nor to hear he had already started getting help. I was happy, yet a tear escaped as I thought about my new body. “Park’s, I want you to see me for who I am now and remember who I was then. To let it go: the past me. I’m here. I’m damaged, but I’m alive.” With that, I stepped back, pulled the maxi dress over my head, and let it drop to the ground. I stood there naked as his eyes looked at every inch of my body: the ugly scar on my right leg, the shallow chunk missing from my right arm, and the last wound that had left a scar on my side at the ribs.
As I stood there, his eyes came back up to meet mine. He reached out to touch the shallow dip in my arm, then stopped. “You are beautiful,” he choked out as he traced the outline of the scar on my side. He kissed the scar that ran down my face, then the one on my arm. Bending at the knees, he kissed my thigh, where the shark had mangled me. I went weak in the knees with his touch but also wept from all the pain I had endured over the last several months. I moaned and put my head back as I grew hungry with desire, the need that ran deep inside me. I thought I might die if I didn’t have the human connection, his connection.
Parker took me in his arms and held me so tight, I thought he might squeeze the breath out of me. He took my face in his hands and kissed me with every fiber of love within him. He picked my naked, deformed body up in one swift move and carried me to his bed. We made love, sweet love, my body giving into his as I took him in unconditionally. I wanted him, I loved him, and I needed him. Wave after wave, we plummeted time after time, the past few months escaping with each release; welet our minds and bodies free. He devoured me with his mouth; there was no shame, no remorse, as we both collided together, ravaging each other to the core. I kissed him as tears rolled down our cheeks, letting the pain go; we rode each wave that washed over us together. We had saved each other, that we knew.
