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While in my head, I noticed the truck pull in, and it brought me back to the present. I waved them over to where I was.
It took us four men over two hours to get everything loaded. By then we were all hungry, having worked up an appetite.
“I’ll stop by All Stars and pick up some pizzas and wings. You all have the address; I’ll meet you there shortly,” I told the guy who seemed to be in charge, Carlos.
“Si, sir. We meet you there,” he said with a friendly smile and nod as he told his crew to lock the truck and load up. Shaking his hand, I headed out to grab our lunch after placing the order.
Olivia
Where there is love, there is life. Mahatma Gandhi
“You should eat,” Alex said, offering me a plate. It was filled with seafood: crawfish, some local catch, crab cakes, and more from Jason’s Restaurant. Over the past week I’d kept very little down, and had bouts of weakness, sweats, terrible headaches, pains, and nightmares. I’d sometimes begged for a fix, and right now, the food on the plate Alex held in front of me made my mouth water, and not in a good way. I pushed it away weakly. “I can’t.”
Swallowing, I rested my head in my hands while my elbows leaned on my knees.
“Olivia, you must eat, or you’ll have to go to the hospital. What if I make you a protein shake? Then we–”
“Okay, that’s fine.”
“Can go for a short walk along the road,” he finished. I felt terrible for interrupting and snapping. I did need to snap out of it. I couldn’t remember the last time I had showered or changed clothes. My counselor had changed my medication two weeks ago and it was the first time in a month I felt as if I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, the depression was much more challenging to kick than the drugs, guilt, shame, and downright anger.
It had taken me a long time, and a lot of therapy, to realize I was angry at my mother for leaving me too soon.
“Okay, I’m going to shower and change while you make us a shake.” I took a deep breath as I started to walk away, then stopped and turned to look at him. “Alex, thank you. I know I’ve not told you that once since we’ve been here.”
A slow smile touched his mouth. Then, with a single nod and a wink, he turned to go into the kitchen. That was all I needed for some reason, and the unspoken words were loud and clear: he had acceptedmy apology. I walked into the bathroom with a lighter step and a bit of hope.
“I take it the shower was good? You look amazing,” he said as he handed me the strawberry shake and raised an approving eyebrow.
I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful or insulted; however, I was sure I had looked like shit the last several weeks, so I took it as a compliment. “Thanks for the shake and the compliment. The shower was just what I needed and I’m ready for that walk.”
“Oh, you are? Full of energy now?” The twinkle in his eyes was mesmerizing when he teased or was playful. It automatically took my thoughts to a place they shouldn’t explore. I couldn’t help it though, and I wondered if they danced like that while having sex.
“Okay, let’s see how far we can get before I keel over,” I said before my thoughts ran away from me.
It was a beautiful afternoon. The sky was a vibrant blue and there was a gentle breeze. The air was warm but not hot, with a unique smell, totally different from further south in Florida. The air smelled of wood, pine trees, and other vegetation mixed with the salty ocean air. I couldn’t get enough as I took deep breaths, concentrating on the present moment.
We must have walked two miles around the island. We saw three different types of birds, a few rabbits, and even some kittens. I was exhausted but felt surprisingly good as I picked up a shell, I discovered next to the road.
“Look at this,” I said as I showed Alex. It was a large shell with some creamy, almost iridescent colors. It was outlined in gray-blue tones, shaped almost like the moon, but beveled.
“Nice find.”
I put the shell in the pocket of the shorts I wore; they were so big, they barely stayed on. “I think I’m ready to go back. I’m getting a bit tired.”
“Okay, you did so well. You should be proud, Olivia.”
I smiled at him and we walked back to the cottage where we had been staying. Once there, I laid down to nap, but my mind drifted over the last month of my residency here. The hard days of withdrawal, the wanting to give up with every fiber of my being, and the nights Alex had stayed up all night and tended to me–even held me in his arms.
Then there was Victoria. She’d come to visit once when I was at my worst, and she’d brought her counselor with her. I had hit it off with Gayle so well that she had since agreed to see me via telehealth twice a week.
The overwhelming gratitude I had toward all of them choked me up every time I thought of how far I had fallen and how damn lucky I was to have the three of them in my life. Not to mention Tanie, my yoga instructor, Alex, my foodie, Shane, my naturopathic doctor, who’d recommended foods and essential oils that I would have never believed for a second that would heal me, much less make me feel like the thriving person I would soon be. He had to remind me of that every time I swallowed down the disgusting stuff.
Then there was my personal life coach, Sky, who was only here for this stay; she was my shadow. She was my voice of reason and my conscience. It was uncanny, and freaked me out on more than one occasion, when she read my mind. She helped me see things that I could not see without extreme focus; things that anyone who took a step back and breathed, bringing their minds to the present, could see.
My problem was that I could never stay in the present. In the moment everything sped by too quickly to settle. She helped me learn how to slow it down and I suddenly realized I was doing exactly what she’d taught me not to do: reflecting on my thoughts for too long. She had always emphasized acknowledging my thoughts and then letting them go.
I could hear Alex fiddling in the kitchen, which brought me back to the present. The sun was starting to set as I pulled the cover off my legs, swung them to the floor, and stood. Stretching, I could feel the tension leave as I arched my back and bent from side to side.
