AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My chest feels heavy at her words.He is the one who got away. He shouldn’t have got away but because of the temper I used to have and the rash decision making I lost him. It was a horrible, impulsive decision that I made and I’ve spent years regretting it and thinking about it, analyzing. I push another wanton in my mouth and try to unfurrow my brow. “Erica, he is the one who got away and I just have to know that he’s happy now. Honest. If I go there and he’s living his best life and wants nothing to do with me then I’ll come home and lick my wounds.” I don’t tell her that if there’s any glimmer of hope that I’ll hold on to that as well.
“Maybe you should take some time to think about it. Why rush there tomorrow? Give it some time and think it over, don’t make any impulsive decisions.”
I shake my head back and forth. “For once in my life this isn’t an impulsive decision. I’ve thought about this for a long time. I know what I want this time and I want to go there and see him. I’vespent too long thinking about it to sit around and keep thinking it over when I know that the decision will be the same as it is now.”
“Well I’m here for you and so are Meg and Lola. We don’t want this to be like how it was years ago. You were so depressed. We want better for you.”
I reach across the food and grab her hand in mine. “You’re the bestest friend a girl could have.”
She gives me a smile and we go back to eating but the whole time we eat, I try to envision tomorrow, just like how I have for months. We finish the rest of our meal in silence while watching aFriendsepisode on my iPad using my hotspot. We watch so many episodes in a row until she can’t take anymore and reaches up and turns the iPad off.
“Are you sure you don’t want to just spend the night at my house in a nice comfortable bed and not an inflatable air mattress? My back is too old for this floor shit.”
I laugh because while my back is the same age as hers, I refuse to not spend the first night in my house. “I’m sure. If you want to go home and sleep in your bed, you can. You don’t have to stay.”
She shakes her head. “No. No. I’ll stay. Tomorrow, you better take me to get some good breakfast though.”
I laugh because I don’t have any food in the house yet other than this Chinese takeout. “Deal.”
As we lay down on the air mattress that we blew up after dinner, we continue talking and telling stories from college. I think to myself that I made the right decision by coming back here and for what I’ve planned. As it gets later and we turn out the lights, I lay there for hours thinking that tomorrow I’ll know. Either way, I’ll know if there’s any tiny hope that my heart will have to hold on to or if I’ll have to give up and accept that fate that I made for myself years ago.
A SPARK CAN LIGHT A FIRE
Imade it twenty-four hours before I could get in the car and do this. I took Erica’s words to heart and waited another day to think about things. After going over and over all the outcomes, I decided the risk could be worth the reward. Now I find myself looking out my driver’s side window and see the dark clouds in the sky rumble as I follow the directions on my phone. I turn my attention back to the road because while I’ve been to his hometown before, I’ve never been to his office. I also haven’t driven here in years, the last time being the infamous Christmas party in our second attempt at dating. So yeah, there’s that fun trip down memory lane. I make a right turn down a one-way street and as I get closer. I keep checking to see that I’m going in the right direction. The closer I get, the more my nerves amp up.
I turn down the radio to focus on the directions when I see the building on my left marked 202, my phone tells me that I have reached my destination. I find a spot to park my car and I turn off the engine after easing in next to the curb. I just sit there looking out the window at the place. It’s not what I expected at all. It’s not a big office building or a traditional office from the outside by anymeans, but actually an old Victorian home that’s been turned into an office space. It’s charming and small town and very repurposed.
I take my phone down from the stand and quickly type out a text to Erica.
I made it. Wish me good luck.
I see the dots and her text immediately comes through.
Good luck? Call me when you leave.
I swallow the lump that’s now in my throat and make sure my phone is in silent mode. I slide it in my purse and give the building one last look. I take a deep breath to try and quell my nerves. I tell myself the worst thing that happens is that he’s here and refuses to see me. With that thought, I get out of the car and march up the steep steps of the Victorian home. When I reach the landing, I see his last name is now a prominent feature in their signage:Thompson, Mueller & Matthews.
The large glass panels on the front doors allow me to see inside. I push the door open and step inside a small foyer. A woman who looks to be around my age sits behind a large, mahogany desk that takes up a large portion of the room with a few matching chairs pushed up against the wall sitting across from it. When the woman behind the desk looks up from whatever she’s been busy doing, she gives me a curt nod and greets me.
“Welcome to Thompson, Mueller and Matthews. Are you here with an appointment?”
If there was ever a time in my life for my mouth to go dry, this would be it. “No, ma’am. I’m afraid I don’t have an appointment but I’m hoping you can still help me. I’m an old friend of Brad Matthews. I haven’t seen him in a long time and was passing through town and was hoping to catch him.”
She makes ahmmsound and I swear she mumbles something under her breath but I’m unable to catch it. She turns herattention back to her computer and starts clicking the keys and tapping the mouse. As she reads the screen, she looks down at her watch and then finally back to me. “He has an appointment in twenty minutes.”
“I promise I won’t take any longer than that.” I quickly tell her.
She gives me a long glance but continues clicking the keys on her keyboard. “What’s your name so I can let him know he’s got a visitor.”
I internally sigh in relief. I had discussed this very thing happening with Erica. In the event that he didn’t want to actually see me and on the off chance that he’d have my name on like a block list in his lobby, we had talked about me using my married last name. That way if the lobby was full of people I wouldn’t be humiliated getting escorted off the premises by security. That was obviously before I knew how this place looked and how quaint it really was. Either way, I’m not taking any chances so I calmly tell her my name. “You can tell him Mrs. Chambers is here to see him.”
I cross my fingers behind my back at the lie, hoping that it’s all going to work out and this woman will never know the truth behind my actions. She swings over to the left side of her desk and picks up her phone, after pressing a few buttons her voice perks up. “Mr. Matthews, you have a visitor who I’ve scheduled into your calendar until your next appointment.” She nods her head as if he can see her and I glance up looking around the room checking for security cameras. I don’t see any.
I focus back on the woman and she’s still nodding. “Yes Mr. Matthews, I’ll send her right up. It’s a Mrs. Chambers.” She puts the receiver down and focuses her attention back on me. “You can follow the steps up to the second floor. It’s the first door on the left.” She gestures to the staircase to her left.
“Thank you.” I walk past her desk and make my way towardsthe staircase a few feet from the foyer. It’s a circular staircase with large newel posts evenly placed in the length. I climb the flight of stairs up and when I get to the first door on the left, I reach out to knock on the door. That’s when I notice my hands are shaking. I fist my hand and give the door three soft knocks.
“Come in,” he says from the other side of the door. My stomach is doing flips and I can feel myself sweating.This is it.There’s no backing out now, not that I want to, but my nerves are strung tighter than a harp. With one last, long exhale I open the door to Brad’s office.
