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As I open the door, I get a brief glimpse of him before he sees me. He looks good, better than I remember from the last time I saw him, which says a lot. Brad was always good-looking, he never lacked in that department, and age hasn’t changed him. Maybe he has a few lines around the eyes and mouth from smiling and laughing but honestly, he looks for the most part exactly how he did in college. He’s wearing a navy blue suit. The jacket is unbuttoned and he’s wearing a matching vest and a gold tie. If anything, he looks even more fit than he did back then.
My heart instantly skips a beat when he falters in his steps at seeing me. His mouth opens and his jaw drops just a fraction of an inch before he catches himself and slams it back closed. He’s standing in front of his desk now, almost as if he’s frozen in place, and while my heart skips a beat my feet will themselves closer to him.In for a penny, in for a pound. I walk the few short feet to stand in front of him. It’s a small tell in his mannerisms but I notice it. One of his hands has been shoved into his pants pockets and the other is fidgeting to the side of his pants leg.
I steel my spine and try not to let any of my inner emotions show. “Hi, Brad.”Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. That’s the best I could come up with?Maybe my nerves are showing.
He stands there taking me in. I can see him searching my features. The emotions playing out on his face for me to take in. He’s surprised, quite possibly in shock, but there’s also a little bit of bewilderment if I’m not mistaken. “Nikki?” My name comes out from his lips in more of a question than a statement. “What are you doing here?” Yep. He’s definitely surprised to see me.
“I moved back home and I was driving through.” Not the whole truth but a little white lie isn’t going to hurt. Besides, I’ve only got a few minutes before his appointment gets here.
He perches on the edge of his desk in front of me. He gestures to one of the two chairs. “Would you like to have a seat?”
“Yes.” This could be the last time that we’re ever in a room alone together. I pull the chair a little closer to me and sit down, crossing my legs. I wore a black jumpsuit with sneakers and while I think I look nice, I realize I probably should have worn something more casual and not date-worthy. I probably look like I’m trying too hard. I wait a beat but he doesn’t say anything; he just sits there on the edge of his desk staring at me.
Then it’s like he snaps out of whatever trance he was in at my appearance. “I had no idea you were moving back.” Ok. Well, I guess he never looks me up online. That one mystery is now solved. I deflate a little at the idea of him not caring enough to check, but at the same time, I didn’t announce it online.
“Yeah, well, I haven’t really put it out there online that I moved back. I’ve only just moved back. I got my keys to my house the other day and I’m waiting on all my stuff from California.”
“And you came here?”
This is why he’s a good enough lawyer to have his name on the building. “Eh, yeah. I had some things that I wanted to do and I was driving and I just wanted to stop in and say hello. Clear the air. I figure you’ll be at university alumni events and I didn’twant things to be awkward between us when we inevitably saw each other again.”
“Because you dumped me over a text message and then cut me out of your life before I could respond.”
Ok. So not so cordial after all. He’s definitely harboring some emotion about the past. “I’m sorry about that. I would say I was young and dumb but it doesn’t feel good enough. I’m sorry for what I did. Besides, I saw online you got married so I guess it worked out in the end.” There, I put it out there and edged it into the conversation. I had to bring it up somehow and this might be the most organic way to get it into the conversation.
At that comment he purses his lips before they go into a firm, flat line. I look at the clock on his wall and see that I have about fifteen minutes before that scheduled appointment shows up and a little part of me panics, so I just shoot my shot. “I just finalized my divorce, so I bought a house here and moved back. I wanted to be closer to my friends who have all moved back and my family. I figured we would run into each other, and I just didn’t want it to be awkward. I wanted to apologize. I don’t have any hard feelings and I hope it’s the same for you. Plus, I just wanted to see you and say hello because it’s been a long time.”
The silence unnerves me. His eyes slide up to the ceiling and I make a point to memorize all of his features because this is probably where he’ll call the cops or some type of security and have me escorted out of the house. He lets out a deep sigh and loosens the tie at his neck. I think he’s going to stand up but he slides into the chair beside me and then focuses all of his attention on me.
“I knew you had gotten a divorce.”
My heart races because if he knows that he’s had to have seen my social media. Does that mean he follows the things that I’m posting and doing? I try to curb my emotions and thoughts thatinternally are screaming for answers and ping-ponging around in my head. My voice comes out surprisingly steady, not betraying the myriad of emotions that I have. “Yeah. We filed a long time ago but the divorce took awhile and California is a minimum of six months and they’re backlogged.”
Then he just fully drops the bomb I was never expecting to hear today. “My wife and I separated a few months ago. One of the other partners is handling the divorce for me.”
I slow blink because I don’t know what to say. From everything I’ve seen online, they are the model couple. I know that social media can be deceiving but I never expected Brad to do that with his online information. Granted, this is what I was secretly holding out hope for. That while I wanted him to be happy, he wasn’t and he had made mistakes like me. Make the world think one thing but really be living another. I say the only thing I can think of. “Well, I guess we both have that in common.”
He laughs and it comes out a little bitter. “I think we have a lot more in common than you think.”
I don’t know what he means by that but I’m willing to sit here and find out.Brad freaking Matthewsjust dropped a bomb on me that he’s getting a divorce,knewI had gotten a divorce, andhasn’tkicked me out of his office yet. Today might be awinin my hopes department.
We’re both quiet for a minute. He’s looking at me and I’m still internally reeling from the fact that he’s getting a divorce. I have so many questions but they’re not appropriate for just seeing someone after so many years.
Luckily, he speaks up. “Why’d you really come here?”
I take in his features and he doesn’t seem mad, just curious, maybe even a little earnest. I tell him the truth. “Because I wanted to see you. I know the way things ended weren’t great. I dumpedyou in a pretty shitty way, but I wanted to say sorry. Like a twelve-step program but without the uncontrollable drinking.”
He lets out a huff for a laugh. “You always had a way with words.”
I shrug my shoulders, unable to tell if he’s being serious or not. He extends his right hand out and places it on my shoulder. His touch is like a jolt of electricity through my arm and I jump a little in my seat. He must notice because he looks down at his hand on my shoulder before he tells me. “It’s good to see you, Nikki. Even if you walked in here as Mrs. Chambers.”
I tilt my head to the side, trying to decipher his words. It was so much easier when we were younger. All those conversations we had, they flowed easily and we would talk for hours upon hours. I may not have always been able to understand his intentions and would wonder if he was trying to tell me other things, but I knew him better back then. Now I feel like it’s all hidden meanings and riddles for me to solve. I was always one for trying to figure him out so I don’t know why I should change that now, after all these years. “What do you mean?”
He drops his hand from my shoulder and blows out a breath, one that has his cheeks puffing out as he slowly lets it out. He scrubs one of his hands down his face and then steeples his fingers in front of his face obscuring my view of his chiseled jaw that I hadn’t laid eyes on in person for years. Just as quickly as he got into this position he slaps his hands to his knees and stands, going back around to the other side of his desk. I feel like I’ve missed something, like something was going to happen and now its gone, slipping through my fingers.
A shrill noise rings out and I realize it’s a timer on his desk. He reaches over and hits the red button that stops the sound. He buttons his suit jacket and straightens his shoulders back,adjusting his tie. “My next client is here. Just…” He trails off for a second looking pensive and lost in his thoughts. “Just stay ok? Don’t leave yet. This won’t take long. Just wait here.” He holds his hands up gesturing for me to wait. I nod in agreement. I don’t have anywhere else to be, and even if I did, I’d blow it off for him.
He breezes out his office door, shutting it behind him, and I’m left staring at his desk, wondering what’s to come.
