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The truth is seeing Jay yesterday was strange. It’s been so long and honestly had it not been a funeral for his grandfather, I’m not sure I would have even said a word to him. We didn’t end ona bad note, but more of one where we both realized our lives had changed. We were moving in different directions, both wanting different things, and trying to hold onto one another became too difficult.
He was never mean, the opposite actually.
Jay reminds me a lot of Doc Lincoln, a man who spent years taking care of others and never wanted to see anyone hurting. So when we decided to end things all those years ago, I slapped on a happy face and acted as though it didn’t tear me apart from the inside.
Jayson Lincoln was my first love, and if I’m being honest, a huge part of me still loves him. I’ve never to this day met another man I’ve felt one hundred and ten percent safe with.
But we aren’t the same people and there has been years of change between us. I’m not in a place to venture off into what ifs, and I have my girls to think about.
three
. . .
Jayson
I sit at the desk in my grandfather’s office, unsure of what time it is but knowing that it’s too early. Unable to sleep, the letter that Grams gave me at the celebration of life, telling me to read when I was alone, on the desk before me.
My grandfather’s handwriting on the front left me feeling raw instantly. More than once I’ve attempted to open it, only to pause. My curiosity has my mind racing but my heart, it honestly feels like it’s being squeezed so tight that my chest literally aches.
“Dr. Jayson is going to take your vitals.” My grandfather told George Withers, who sat on the table with his legs hanging over the edge. He’d always introduced me as his colleague even at eight years old. “Once he confirms, we will get your meds filled and have you on your way.”
Everyone in town that would come into the office just expected to see me here right at Gramps’s side. It’s where I spent every moment outside of school. When he was here, I was here. If Iclose my eyes, I swear I can feel him here with me which I know is crazy but so many years of my life were spent in this office. I spent hours watching him or, assisting him, though I think about it now and realize I was probably more in his way than anything. Yet, not once did he ever make me feel like I was a nuisance.
Lifting the corner of the envelope I drag my finger over the edge and again look at his words on the front.
Dr. Jayson Lincoln, my grandson, the only man I would ever entrust to carry on what I’ve built.
I close my eyes tight, knowing that what I find inside this envelope will tear me apart. Because it confirms what I already know, he is gone. I can’t reach out to him for advice, I can’t call him up to complain, there are no more late night calls where we discuss cases, it’s all come to an end. It’s a day that I never allowed myself to imagine because Michael Lincoln is my hero and a world without him was one too hard to bear.
Taking a deep breath I tear open the envelope and tip it up, spilling the contents onto the desk.
A deed to the property that has housed the practice for years. A key, one I recognize to his cabinets that contain all patient files. Bank statements, and paperwork with me as the beneficiary. Suddenly I feel like I’m somehow taking something from Grams.
I dig through the papers and that’s when I find a handwritten letter.
Jay,
I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried that by me leaving the entire practice to you it’s somehowtaking something from Grams. You’re thinking why me? Why do I deserve more than others?
But you should know Grams is good, she is more than good and I’ve spent my life making sure she is taken care of to the fullest in my absence. Your Grams was my first and only love, she has been my best friend and my greatest blessing, so believe me when I say she is fully on board with this decision. There is no one I want here more than you. I’ve always wanted you here, when you were five following me around, and now that you are a grown man and an incredible doctor. To say I am proud of you is an understatement. Jayson, you may not be my son, but you are my best friend. Mattie and you kept me young, and the two of you, being a part of your lives, my goodness there are no words to fully express just how great that gift has been. You boys may be complete opposites but you were the best of both worlds and I treasure ever single moment I had with each of you.
This practice, it’s yours.
The people of Magnolia Grove already love you, and they need someone they can trust. You are that man. You belong here. These are your people and they are your family.
You don’t like to talk of it, but I know when you left all those years ago you left a big piece of your heart behind. It’s time for you to claim what’s been here waiting for you all along. Build a life, create memories, grab ahold of your legacy. I see great things for you. It doesn’t take a big city to make adifference, and the people of Magnolia Grove need a man like you.
Now live!
I’ll be watching and smiling from above. Nothing makes me happier than to see happiness in the people I love. Stop holding back, stop hesitating, there is no time for pause.
I lower the letter to the desk, scanning over everything that still remains scattered out on the desk before me. A document from the bank that has a few places marked with sign here stickers and a note to return it back once completed. I scroll over the recent statement and see the balance which doesn’t surprise me. A decent amount, more than enough to operate without worry.
Enough to continue to pay the two other people in the office, aside from myself without worry. One receptionist and one nurse, both worked with my grandfather and are experienced enough to continue to run the office as it’s always been run.
I spoke with the hospital last night in Mobile and informed them of my decision to move back home to Magnolia Grove. Harris didn’t sound surprised by my choice, in fact he said he’s been waiting for the day I accepted what my heart wanted.
I’ll have to revisit Mobile to pack up my things and tie up some loose ends, but my patients are already being spread out throughout my colleagues.
