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Maybe I’m leaping to too many conclusions. Maybe this is the aftermath of shock, where he acts out of character. But the problem is, thisisin character. This is exactly the way he’s treated me for years. It’s only recently that’s started to shift and change. That I fell for his touches and smiles all over again.
Instead of smart, I feel like the stupidest person alive. Who lets the same person break their heart the same way twice?
My face is numb. I turn and walk toward the spot where I parked my car. I’m upset enough it takes a while. After five minutes of aimless wandering, I spot the sedan and slip inside. I slam the door shut and exhale, leaning my head back against the seat and letting one tear escape my closed eyes.
I love him.
I hate him.
One of those is a lie. You can’t feel two such strong emotions for one person at the same time. Or at least, I didn’t think you could.
If one’s a lie…I’m not sure which.
CHAPTER TWENTY
HOLDEN
When I leave the gym, it’s long after everyone else, which has become routine. Coach tried to talk me into not playing for a few weeks. Told me scouts would understand and so would my teammates, given the circumstances. But Iwantto play. It’s the one escape I have.
I haven’t even used my dad’s death to get out of school assignments. All of my teachers have been understanding and accommodating. But I’ve turned everything in on time, despite knowing I’ll pass regardless.
Tragedy is a funny thing. It can rock your world to its core and leave everything else untouched. My dad is gone, just like that. Forever, I’ll no longer have a dad.
But my life looks the same. My routine is unchanged.
He was gone more than he was home. It’s very easy to pretend my dad is still alive. That he’s just driving an eighteen-wheeler through Kentucky and will be home for Christmas.
Sydney is having a hard time adjusting. But sheisadjusting. She talks to her friends and still helps out with school plays and is now officially dating Graham.
I’m not in denial. I know he’s gone. But I’m stalled in place. Stuck in a reality I don’t want to actually face.
There’s a female figure standing by my truck as I leave the sidewalk and cross the parking lot.
My sure steps stutter. For a second, I’m worried it’s Cassia. I haven’t spoken to her since she came to Finn’s to tell me about my dad.
There was no funeral, just a cremation and a will reading. My dad kept his wishes simple and straightforward, just like him. He left me and Sydney everything. Since I’m eighteen and she isn’t, I’m also technically my sister’s guardian. A shitty one, so far. I’m too consumed by my own grief.
I’ve always felt like a mess in comparison to Cassia’s poise. But that’s especially true now. I’m scared to face her. I’ve always known she deserves better than me, but it’s never seemed clearer than it does right now.
It’s not Cassia next to my truck, though.
It’s my mom.
She showed up about a week after a drunk driver swerved across the center line and took my dad’s life. Fucking ironic. He logged thousands of miles on the road. Late nights and long hours all across the country. And then he died fifteen minutes from our house.
I stop a few feet away from her and cross my arms.
“What are you doing here?”
“I told you I’m living in Ridgemont.”
Right. The first time she showed up, she dropped that bomb. She walked away from us, a whole two towns over. Didn’t even leave the county.
“Here, as in the high school. You want Sydney to see you?”
I haven’t told Sydney our mom showed up. I’m worried how it might affect her. I don’t trust any of my mom’s intentions as honorable.
“I’m not giving you money.”
