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Lucy furrows her brows. “What’s the problem with that?”
I bite my lip, struggling to explain why I feel the way that I do. “Do you remember when I caught you stealing from the pantry, and you lied about it? Why did I say that I was upset?”
She furrows her brows. “Because lying and stealing makes things worse. If I had asked for another snack, you would have given it to me.” Understanding dawns on her face. “So, you would have helped Argoss if he had told the truth, but you’re hurt by the lie?”
“I like to think so, I guess,” I admit. “I’ll never get to know, because he never gave me the chance to decide how I felt for myself. Right now, I’m feeling pretty stupid. This is making me rethink a lot of things. It’s important to see the best in people, but sometimes that’s hard if you’ve seen the worst already. You know?”
Lucy is silent for a moment, and I regret being so honest with her. I shouldn’t be dumping all my marriage woes onto a child.
“I think you’re being too mean to yourself,” she finally says.
I blink. “What?”
“Did you feel good about marrying him?”
I nod. “I did, yeah.”
“Do you wish you didn’t now?”
I’m about to respond that I do, but I hesitate. I don’t regret signing the adoption papers or the honeymoon scheming or his birthday party. I don’t regret our nights passionately entwined. “I guess not.”
“Then I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself. You always tell me to trust that little voice whispering that this is wrong. Did you hear that little voice when you agreed to marry him?”
I shake my head. “No. I had a good feeling.”
“So, you trusted your heart when you married him, and then you trusted your heart when you had to leave. I think you’re forgetting that the little voice is not perfect. It makes mistakes, just like everyone else, but you do a good job listening to it.”
She wraps her arms around me. “I love Argoss, but you’re my favorite person, Felicity. It’s easy to close your heart to keep it from getting hurt, but you hold it open. That fact that you see the best in others inspires them to be better people.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. It’s probably the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
“You should give your heart a break. Because it can’t talk. It only gives you clues about what you should do.”
“I think you’re right,” I say, my breath hitching. Sniffling, I wipe my eyes. Though tears still threaten to come, I’m already feeling so much lighter. “I love you, Lucy.”
“Love you, too, Felicity.”
I can’t run forever, but I still need a few more days to calm down and figure out what I’m going to do about Argoss and our marriage. I still need answers, and he is Lucy’s adoptive father. For all his many faults, he seems to take that seriously.
I’m not running away. I’m just putting myself in time-out for now. It’ll be a vacation, just like I promised Lucy on the drive up here. The break will help me figure out what to say to him. Today and tomorrow, Lucy and I will have a bit of fun in the city – today, the trampoline park, and tomorrow, a play, maybe – and then we’ll come home.
Whatever happens after that will happen. I have a feeling, though, that everything will turn out okay. One way or another, I still have her.
24
ARGOSS
You think everybody owes you, Argoss. It’s always a one-way street with you.
Greiko’s said the words so many times before, though I’ve never really heard them till now. At least not in the way I probably should have the first time.
I know waiting a few days and sending the swampster an apology basket won’t do anything but please Cyella. I’m sure the pixie’s already bragging to all her friends about finally getting her bleeding heart of a husband all to herself. And the last thing I want to give her is another anecdote. An unrequited gift screams pathetic, and I’m not sure my ex-business partner will be sending me a thank-you anytime soon.
“This is going to be a real treat for me with all the kids out of the house and the missus off on her book club road trip.” Steve’s voice reminds me I can think about my options once I’ve gotten rid of a distraction.
Standing on the man’s front porch holding a ferret in a cage and an overnight bag meant for an infant is not the average man’s rock bottom, but I’ve never been average, and knowing Steve picked up on the second ring tells me one of two things.
I called Steve, so I really do have no one. And also, I probably am the asshole in this situation, since Greiko’s betrayal punched a few Steve-related memories out in the process. I mulled over a few on my drive over and realized that repaying someone for their years of service by never picking up ever probably does look rude from a certain angle.
