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She pulls away from me. “It’s not that simple, Pasha. You wouldn’t understand, and don’t act like you know what I’ve been through. You have no right to be angry at me.”
“I’m not angry,” I shout.
She shakes her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “I don’t think we should talk about this anymore. I don’t know why you’re so mad at me for having feelings, but if you can’t handle that side of me, I don’t think this is going to work out.”
I feel a sudden physical pain in my chest, like I’m having a heart attack. Her words break something deep inside of me, something I didn’t know even existed.
“Valerie, please…”
She flings the covers off herself, jumping out of bed and rushing to the closet.
“Listen to me,” I urge, jumping off the bed after her as she grabs a dress and throws it over her head. “Valerie, don’t you dare ignore me.”
She turns her shoulder to me, wiping a silent tear from her eye as she rushes to the door.
“Valerie, you’re not fucking leaving,” I bark, jumping in front of her and blocking the exit. “Tell me who you’re crying over. I’ll fucking kill them.”
“Pasha, stop!” She sobbing now, trying to push past me even though there’s no way she can get through the doorway unless I allow it.
I can’t stand to see her like this, but the jealous rage inside of me is more powerful in this moment than my empathy. I want to know who she’s so upset about, and why she’s thinking about them as we’re lying in bed together.
“Tell me who it is, goddammit,” I growl.
She hits me in the chest, but her fist bounces off like she threw a wad of paper at me. I almost want to roll my eyes. Does she really think she has any power here? Does she believe she can cry about other people in our bedroom and I’ll just roll over and allow it?
I need answers, and I’m going to get them.
“Valerie, I’m warning you,” I say, my voice trembling as I hold up my finger. “If you don’t come clean, things are going to get a lot worse than they are now.”
“You don’t own me,” she screams. “Get the fuck out of my way or I’m going to claw your fucking eyes out!” Her voice is raw with righteous rage, and I’m taken aback by how such a small woman can fill an entire room with her voice.
I’m stunned by her response, so much so that I’m lost for words. I step aside, allowing her to barrel out of the door and down the hallway.
She’s leaving, and it’s my fault.
Everything I ever wanted is slipping through my fingers.
And there’s nothing I can do about it.
25
Valerie
Iknow enough about driving a manual transmission now to take one of the cars Pasha bought for me and drive it out of his silly little mansion. I’m so done with him that it’s not even funny. I don’t want to ever see him or hear his voice ever again.
I know he won’t give up on me that easily, but if he does, I’ll have proved that he wasn’t worth all the promises he made. Only a real man can handle me, and Pasha clearly isn’t one.
“Fucking prick,” I mutter, flying down the winding road toward the front gate. The sun is just starting to rise on the horizon, and I can see the guards behind the iron gate, already opening it for me. I guess it’s easier to get out than it is to get in.
Not that I’ll ever be coming back here. I’m officially done with Pasha. He wants the best from me, which I understand, but whenever I show him anything else, he gets angry and freaks out.
First the cocaine, now for not wanting to talk about my sister’s death. He doesn’t understand my reasoning for either of them, or how closely they’re tied together.
Right now, all I want to do is defy him, so I drive down to the south side of town, as deep into his brother’s territory as I can get, and find a club where I know they’ll have drugs. Anything open at this hour will be crawling with dealers.
There’s an old brick building with red lights on upstairs that I know will have what I’m looking for. I’ve convinced myself this is about giving a middle finger to Pasha, but going this deep into Anatoly’s territory when I’m alone is downright dangerous. The only reason I’m doing this is because I have a problem controlling myself.
I feel like I need to get high. Nothing else will soothe me the way that drug-induced euphoria will.
