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Then God had brought her back into his life. A neighbor's fire had brought them together in the best way possible.
“I don't know what to say.” Her gaze pleaded with him. “I'm shocked. All this time you never once hinted at any of this.”
“If you don't feel the same way, that's fine.” He forced himself to be diplomatic, refusing to pressure her. “But, Lindsey, every time we kiss, I get the impression that you feel something for me too.”
“I did. I do.” She covered her face with her hands. “I don't know.”
He drew a deep breath. He could somewhat understand her confusion. After all this was a lot to comprehend at once. Impatience was his biggest fault. Yet he strove to find it now. “Don't throw away what we have—please? Give us a chance.”
Lindsey didn't know what to say or what to believe.
Austin claimed he loved her. Had always admired her. Had actually been jealous of Sam.
Ironic how Sam had wanted Austin's bachelor lifestyle while Austin had apparently longed for Sam's commitment.
Yet she had to believe he was telling the truth. His earnestness would have been impossible to fake. But what about her feelings?
She'd thought she'd been in love with Sam, but those feelings had changed. Looking back, she couldn't be certain she'd ever really loved him at all.
What if her feelings for Austin weren't what she thought, or worse, his feelings for her? What if they ended up drifting apart the way she and Sam had?
Just remembering his embrace, though, made her think this was different. She felt alive in Austin’s arms. In a way she never had with Sam.
“Lindsey?” He was still waiting for an answer.
“I want to try again, Austin,” she said slowly. “But you need to know, I'm scared.”
“Scared?” He looked appalled. “Of me? I swear to you Lindsey, I would never do anything to hurt you or Josh. Never!”
She smiled. “Not of you, I'm afraid of ending up like my mother.”
“Your mother?” He frowned. “I don't understand. I thought Sam told me your mother was dead.”
“No. She just lives a lifestyle very different from mine. My dad walked out on us when I was at five. I don't remember him. Apparently he wasn't amount around much. Anyway, after he left my mother threw herself headfirst into one bad relationship after another. Always for my benefit, of course, so that we could eat and have nice clothes to wear. And I would just get settled into one place when that relationship would end, and we'd move on to another.”
“Wow, that must have been rough.” He scowled. “Did any of these guys your mother stayed with mistreat you?”
“No, nothing like that,” she hastened to reassure him. “It's just that, even at a young age, I could tell these guys were losers. I promised myself I'd never end up with a man like that. Sam was a handsome guy with a stable and impressive career as a paramedic and firefighter. He seemed to have his life together. In my eyes he was a hero. But in the end, when I discovered the extent of our financial debt, I realized he had been more like the guys my mother hooked up with than I'd ever imagined.”
“Lindsey.” He came around the table and reached for her hands. “You’re an amazing emergency department nurse. You’re wonderful with Josh. You are not your mother.”
She had to admit he was right at least about her career. Her mother's lack of skilled training and steady employment had not helped their situation. They were often one step away from being kicked out of their apartment.
“I wish you could believe in me. In us. I know it's scary.” His gaze searched hers. “Do you think I'm not a little afraid? My biggest fear is that I’ll mess things up with you. I know marriage is a lifelong commitment. I want exactly what my parents have. And I think together we would. But you have to decide. All I can do is to promise to do whatever I can to make you happy.”
She wanted to believe him. In her heart, she knew she didn't need Austin's help financially. Things might be tight, but she would get through it. But her feelings for him were impossible to ignore.
Could she do this? Could she trust her feelings and take the leap? Looking into Austin’s deep green eyes, she began to believe she could. Her smile was tremulous. “I also want what your parents have. A marriage that is strong enough to last a lifetime.”
He grinned, hope brightening his eyes. “Me, too. I love you Lindsey, and I promise to be a good husband and a father to Josh.” His expression was gentle. “If you will give me a chance.”
“I love you, Austin.” Saying the words felt wonderful, especially when his eyes glittered with happiness. “I was afraid to admit it, but I realized a while ago how much I love you.”
“I’m thrilled.” He looked a bit dazed. “Because I love you, too.”
“You should know Josh already loves you like a father. He’s upset with me for moving us out of your house,” she confided.
“Well, I can fix that.” In a smooth move he swept her into his arms and carried her out the door of her tiny bungalow.
