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He glanced up at me then, tilting his head in a way that caused a black curl to cover one of his piercing green eyes. I could absolutely see why he was so sought after. The gentle light and shadows of our alcove only made his beautiful visage even more ethereal and lovely than ever. And what he said was true. He was a powerful cleric and a bard—a once in a century combination. And he was the heir to a stewardship. And beyond all that, he was just Fife. I couldn't blame anyone else for being captivated by him. I certainly was no different. Though I had no intention of using him to make myself look more powerful.
"I never felt a real connection with anyone," he whispered. "Especially the people who wanted me as a shiny mate. The only people who have ever loved me for who I am—who have ever truly known me—are the three other males you're bonded to. Which is probably why I cleave to them so fiercely. They mean the world to me, and I love them all. We're closer than blood."
I nodded in acknowledgement. He didn't specifically mention his relationship with Adder, and I didn't push. But even putting romance aside, I knew how much they all meant to each other. I had seen how close they were, like a family all on their own. It was part of what had drawn me to Raven team in the first place.
"I was furious when I found out who you were because I've been hiding my pain and embarrassment," he said flatly. "I should have been smart enough to figure out the deception. I should have sensed the queen's spell at work, should have thought to try. So, I blame myself for their discomfort, and for this whole situation." He shook his head in frustration. "And…I thought you were the answer. I grew to genuinely like you. We all did. And after that night in the forest, I thought…to the underworld with highborn nobles and competitions. I could keep the others and still have you, my pretty sharp ear, with her tender heart and her scandalous sense of fairness." He quirked a little smile at me over that last part. But then he sighed. "I'm not explaining this well. I have never wanted to add someone to our little group. I've never trusted anyone to get close enough to fall for them. But I fell for you, Kat."
He huffed a humorless laugh. "And I think that made the betrayal feel worse, somehow. I couldn't just admit to myself—or to you—that I was heartbroken. That I felt foolish for trusting you. And then…I talked myself into thinking that it was all a lie and that you were just like all the others before you, only interested in my usefulness, in my magic and my connections and how well I'd serve you in running your territory. And…I overreacted," he muttered. "Badly."
He released my hand to scrub both his hands over his face in a rough gesture that was so at odds with his usual grace and poise. "And then I was embarrassed by how I was acting, which made me act like even more of a child. In retrospect…it's absolutely mortifying. You never deserved my scorn or my atrocious behavior. I feel approximately three inches tall."
I watched him for a moment in silence as I took that all in. As my thoughts scattered and reformed. Fife didn't hate me. In fact, it sounded like he cared deeply, and that was what had sent him over the edge into bitterness.
I had formed certain opinions of him and jumped to my own conclusions too. I assumed that his playful, flirty, impulsive charmer side was all there was. He seemed unaffected by things, dismissive of hardships. I hadn't realized that it hid something else. I should have known better. I was usually pretty good at reading people and understanding their unspoken motivations—I had to be, if I wanted to be a good steward. But apparently, that ability fled completely when it came to my new mates.
Fife wasn't careless. He wasn't a shallow, flirty bard who flitted from one dalliance to another. I could see him now. And what I saw was bittersweet in its tremulous vulnerability. He was someone who felt deeply. Someone whose emotions were so intense and chaotic. And maddeningly beautiful, in their own way. Though they might drive others to madness.
"I'm sorry," I breathed.
He gave me a surprised look. "Why are you apologizing when I'm the one who was in the wrong?"
I huffed a soft laugh. "Well, you were awful to me." Then I shrugged. "But I think I got to know just enough about you—about all of Raven team—to be dangerous. I assumed that your interest in me was superficial. That you and the others were simply…passing the time until the tournament was over? Not in a hurtful way; I know you're all better males than that. But I couldn't even begin to imagine why you'd care about someone like me in a real, lasting sense. Especially since you all thought me a shallow tea spiller." I shook my head, embarrassed over my lack of self-confidence, but still clearly recalling that feeling of not being enough. "And then Bach told me he was going to pull your team out of the tournament and…I didn't know what to do. It seemed unreal that you'd give up that opportunity for a mixed-blood woman with round ears, barely any magic, and no place of her own. But if I let you go, I would have ended up bonded to whoever won the tournament. Probably Bear team. And they were good men, but…they weren't you."
I took his hand, pulling it away from where he was still tugging at his hair, his usual haughty confidence shattered. "Fife, I couldn't tell you the truth. I really couldn't. I saw what it did to Adder when he figured out who I was and the queen's spell erased his memory. I cared—care—about all of you. I didn't ever want to hurt you. But I had no other choice."
He laced his fingers through mine, and some of his usual grace returned. "I know. I understand. And I know I have much to do to make it up to you." He sighed. "I planned to do all of this so much better. To charm you tonight. To plead my case with flowery words and maybe a song or two." He flashed me a sheepish smile. "I wanted to be useful to you with that magic trick earlier. Then show you I could get along with your people. But then…I saw you laughing and smiling with that crass, gangly male with the gap in his teeth, and I let my jealousy get the best of me." He huffed. "I thought maybe you had a lover here we didn't know about, though clearly he is unworthy of you."
The arrogance was creeping back into his voice, but this time I saw it for the semi-sarcastic mask that it was. He relented a bit, leaving off the insults toward Gambol to tell me the actual truth. "I thought maybe I had missed my chance by pouting like a bratty child and now you'd happily return to your previous love, and your previous life, and forget all about your bond with us, except for when we were needed to run the territory."
He startled me by gracefully sliding off the bench to kneel before me, taking my hand in his and pressing it to his chest over his heart. "Lady Katrina Bellflower, will you forgive me for being arrogant and hurtful, and letting my wounded pride make me act like a petulant child? Will you forgive me for being…well, me? I'm not sure where we stand, Kat. But I know you're an amazing woman, and a perfect steward, and I'd like to start over, if you'll allow it."
My eyes watered, and I blinked rapidly to keep the stupid tears from escaping as I nodded, the words spilling out of my mouth in a rush of relief. "Yes," I managed. "For the love of all the magic in Elfhaven, yes, Fife. I'm so tired of fighting with you, you beautiful ass."
Chapter 12
Fife's eyes glowed faintly in the soft light of the garden, and a bit of his playful confidence returned. "I'm going to kiss you," he informed me, his magical voice like a caress. "Now would be a good time for you to get your revenge, to reject me and make me feel even more foolish." He leaned closer as he spoke, until his last words brushed my lips, my hand still pressed to the place over his heart.
"Hmmm, tempting. But you do a good enough job making a fool of yourself without my help," I teased, my lips a hairsbreadth from his perfect mouth. "So, I really don't think there's any need for me to refuse you."
He huffed a silent laugh. Then he carried through with his threat, his soft lips meeting mine, gently at first, questioning. When I leaned into the kiss, he slipped a hand into my hair, surprisingly careful of the upswept arrangement as he angled my head to suit him so he could devour my mouth from his position before me.
It gave me a strange thrill, having the lovely, powerful highborn male kneeling at my feet. It turned me hungry and wild, and soon the hand over his heart was fisted in the expensive fabric of his jacket, pulling him closer, my other hand rising to lie along the smoothness of his angular jaw. Pleasure and magic tingled through me in waves, something deep inside me responding to Fife's power, to his very being.
The mate bond.
I hadn't given the weak magical bond between us much thought since our bonding ceremony back in Astra. My mates had all taken the bond—except Adder. But I thought they loathed me. I didn't let myself dwell on what a mating bond should be. There was more to it than the magical binding of our kiss during the wedding ceremony. The bond would grow stronger with each intimate encounter. And from what I understood, what finally settled it fully into place was consummation—sex, when all of a person's boundaries were stripped from them and they were at their most vulnerable and open to their partner's energy, when two people were easily melded into one.
I somehow forgot about the part where a bond like ours could make our connection more intense. Touching Fife was like feeling him under my skin. Each caress of his talented tongue against my own, the way he nibbled my lower lip as we caught our breath, the glide of his palm against my neck as he drew me close again…it was all magnified, and it made me feel like nothing else existed outside the touch of his perfect lips to mine.
Heat and desire coiled inside me, and I lost myself in the moment, forgetting the party and all the people around us. I would gladly let Fife make love to me right here and now. In fact, I yearned for it, more than I had ever yearned for anything in my life.
A scuff of feet and the sound of someone pointedly clearing their throat had me pulling back, feeling a bit dazed. Fife stopped me from escaping, pressing a few more short, soft kisses to my lips before he relented, and we both turned to look at the three males who stood just outside our leaf-sheltered alcove.
Fife heaved a put-upon sigh and gave his friends a disappointed look. "Really? You couldn't all just fuck off for an hour or so?"
Bach crossed his arms over his broad chest and arched a dark brow at Fife. "In case you hadn't noticed, this is a public gathering. And people are looking for their steward. We were worried when we realized none of us had laid eyes on her recently. We thought some harm might have befallen her."
He glanced at me then, and I felt chastised. Of course they would worry, given the way the king and queen seemed to imply there might be more trouble brewing around us. Bach's blue glare returned to Fife. "But then we realized we'd lost you as well. We thought maybe our cleric had run off to defend our mate from some danger and became even more concerned. And instead, you're both here, consummating your mate bond in the garden for all to see." He rolled his eyes at Fife. "Of course there is no danger. You're just monopolizing our mate like the spoiled brat you are."
