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My cheeks were flushed, and I still felt a bit…tingly. But Bach sounded so much like a disappointed father I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped me. I felt all of their eyes on me, and I could only laugh harder. By the time I got a handle on my inappropriate burst of amusement, my ribs ached, and my eyes were watering.
Fife patted me on the knee as he spoke to the others. "Forgive her. She's just overwhelmed by my charms. I have that effect on people. Though usually it's less laughter and more sighs of longing."
Bach snorted.
I wiped away my tears of laughter as Fife stood and moved to sit on the bench beside me. "I'm sorry if I worried you," I managed to say in a more controlled voice. "Honestly, it didn't occur to me that you'd even miss me. And I've never had to worry about my safety here in my own home. I didn't think of it. I apologize."
I expected Bach to continue to be the group spokesperson, but it was Mirri who replied. "Of course we'd notice you were missing," he assured me, with a soft expression that was fond and sad at the same time. "You're our bonded."
His words lodged in my chest and made my heartbeat falter. It made me think of possibilities that I shouldn't hope for. It made me think that maybe we really could be mates, and not just in the public sense. Not just co-stewards or partners. But something more. And wanted that so badly right now.
"I thought you all hated me," I said helplessly. I hadn't meant to say that out loud, or to sound so pathetic, but there it was. Apparently, tonight was the night for mortifying honesty.
Bach's expression turned pained as he looked at me and Fife sitting side by side on the bench. Fife sat up taller and took my hand, twining our fingers together as if he was daring Bach to speak. The big highborn just shook his head, the low light glinting off his ebony horns. "We don't hate you. I don't hate you," Bach said, his deep voice rough. "I meant to apologize to you this evening. To explain and beg your forgiveness. But…it looks like someone beat me to it, stealing the spotlight in typical bard fashion. As usual."
Fife's bowstring mouth curled into a positively smug smile. "I am rather superior to the rest of you." He stage-whispered an aside to me. "I'll be your favorite mate, you'll see. The others are all a little slow."
I rolled my eyes. "You're an idiot."
"He is." Adder's deep voice didn't sound amused, and he stared at Fife with narrowed eyes. All of my humor fled as I realized the tall, silver-haired male might not be happy about what he had just witnessed.
Once again, all diplomacy and forethought abandoned me as my mouth ran away with me and I blurted, "I'm not trying to steal him from you, I promise!"
Four pairs of surprised eyes stared at me as I clapped my hands over my mouth in panic. I felt like a foolish teenager again, reminded of all the times lady Rose had told me to think before I spoke. If only the ground would open up and swallow me.
"Fuck," I mumbled behind my hands, making it worse. I sounded like a bumbling idiot, rather than a competent woman with a stewardship. But I supposed I might as well get it all out there now. Lowering my hands, I cleared my throat and sat up tall as I made myself look at Fife, then at Adder. "I saw the two of you in the garden. I didn't mean to spy, it just surprised me. And I just want you to know that you don't have to hide your relationship…whatever it is."
I swallowed, my throat suddenly gone dry, and tried not to fidget. Having multiple partners wasn't outside the norm. But I had never personally navigated that sort of arrangement.
Adder's dark blue eyes looked black in the low light, and he stared down at me with absolutely no expression on his sharp-planed face. I could see the others exchanging long looks in my peripheral vision, but no one spoke.
I thought I might die of mortification. But eventually, Fife came to the rescue. "'Beware the fae, for they will play…' Isn't that how the line from that human song goes? Thank you for your understanding, my lady." He lifted my hand and pressed a kiss to the back before standing. "I think Bach said there were people looking for you."
I stood as well, perfectly willing to take the out that had been provided and save this whole awkward discussion for later. Or never. Never sounded good, with the way Adder was still staring at me with those dark eyes.
But Bach stopped me from moving, putting a hand on my arm. "I meant what I said," he insisted. "I meant to say this to you privately, but I'm sorry for how I've behaved. We can talk more at a later time, if you wish. But for now…will you consider forgiving me for my stubbornness?" He arched a brow and one corner of his chiseled lips twitched as he added, "I'm not asking for quite the degree of forgiveness Fife seems to have garnered. But at the very least, can we agree that we are not enemies?"
I nodded. "Of course. Bach…." I glanced the four males before me. "And that goes for all of you. I've been angry at you, yes. But I've never wanted anything more than I want us all to get along. I don't want to be your enemy. Or your reluctant jailor. The tournament wasn't my idea. And I certainly never wanted whoever won to feel trapped and resentful!"
Mirri touched my shoulder, drawing my attention to him. "We've all behaved badly. And we all have our reasons, mostly rooted in pride and hurt feelings. But I'm sure we'll make better friends than enemies."
I gave him a tremulous smile in return. I wholeheartedly agreed with him. And it made my entire being feel lighter knowing that Fife, Bach, and Mirri were willing to cross the chasm that had separated us for so long. But as we returned to the party, my shoulders were tight, and my stomach clenched.
Because Adder hadn't joined the others in their apologies and niceties. And I could feel his icy gaze burning into the back of my head.
I pressed my fingers to my lips for a moment, where the taste and feel of Fife still lingered in my memory, sharp and bright. And I wondered if I could be selfless enough to give up the potential of what might grow between us just to keep from upsetting whatever bond Fife and Adder already had.
I wasn't sure if I could be that strong.
Fife glanced my way as we stepped from our alcove, his light green eyes glittering and his perceptive gaze taking in my expression before flicking over my head toward the tall, brooding fae behind me. He winked at me and bowed low and smooth. "May I have the next dance, my lady," the charming bard said as he extended his hand.
Clearly, Fife wasn't worried about Adder's brooding. Or maybe he simply enjoyed goading the stoic male. But I understood that this gesture was for me. To tell me it would all be okay. So, I smiled back and took his hand, letting him lead me onto the garden dance floor, where we quickly lost ourselves amid the swirling finery and radiant energy of the people of Larkwood.
"No more worrying tonight," Fife whispered in my ear as he pulled me in close for a spin. "Tonight is about happy announcements and bright futures after all, is it not?"
I nodded my agreement as we swept around the dance floor. He was right. It was a celebration. And I was determined to celebrate. Fife moved like magic, fluid and graceful, and quick on his feet. I let myself be led, laughter bursting from me as he spun me about the space like a whirling top, our surroundings a blur of light and sound, shadow and leaf, and smiling faces.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, I let myself believe that everything was going to be okay.
