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“I don’t believe that. You’re more than this silence you prize so much. In your heart, you can be more than—”
“You answer a question for me. Why does any of it matter to you? Why ask any of these questions if you’re leaving tomorrow and never looking back? Why does my happiness mean shit to you?”
He couldn’t see her face, couldn’t gauge her reaction, but he felt her stiffen, and after a while, he realized she was holding her breath and trying not to cry. But he didn’t budge, only waited for her to face her own issues, and answer him.
“I guess it doesn’t. None of it should matter to me. It didn’t feel right leaving without knowing anything about you. Because you are right. This life I am choosing will be lonely. Long after you’ve moved on, found someone to love and had the children you want, I will still be alone. I just want to know you’ll be happy.”
And with that, he went silent. That was always easier. Stay silent and away from everything that could hurt. There was nothing else either of them could say to change the other’s mind, nothing that would change who they were.
Chapter 26
Thursday, November 25
11:50 p.m.
“Nassau! Baby, where are youuuu?”
The random movie in the background had ended long ago, and Bailey was asleep in his lap, but he was still staring into the darkness, thinking about everything Bailey had brought up.
All the memories of his obsession with the rodeo played through his mind, weighing on him. But especially, he thought about the day his father finally lost his shit on him and told him to stop talking about something that could never happen. The day he realized nothing he did, nothing he wanted mattered, and if he’d paid more attention, he would have seen that, and could have avoided his father’s sharp words.
But now, his mom stumbled through the living room area, looking for him in the dark. When the light from the TV flashed over him and Bailey, his mom flopped on the couch next to him, slightly slurring her words.
“Baby, me and your daddy might not be able to drive. Can you run us home?”
“Sure, Mama. Let me take Bailey to her bed, and I’ll be back down.”
His mom reached out to where Bailey’s head lay in his lap, brushing her hair out of her face. “I like her, Nas. She’s good for you.”
Then she hiccupped and giggled. “Told your daddy I was gonna rock his world tonight, so get a move on.”
He groaned inwardly. “Too much info, Mom. I’ll be right back.”
Gingerly, he lifted Bailey, and she snuggled her face into his neck. By the time he reached the second floor, he wanted nothing more in the world than to lay down with her, pull her into his arms and spend every moment by her side. But something about that scared him, the constant need for her overriding his senses, creating a dangerous and unattainable desire. It was something else he had to let go of. It’s just the way things were.
When he laid her on the bed, she woke slightly, murmuring for him, but he had to steel himself against her allure. “I’m taking my parents home. See you in the morning.”
Her eyes lifted sleepily to his in question, but he turned away. Moving like a zombie, he barely remembered the ride home with his parents, and after showering and brushing his teeth, he stared down at his empty bed. He couldn’t leave her waiting and wanting. Not on her last night. He had to go back.When he finally slid into bed behind her, he pulled her close, and for now, everything felt right.
____________________________________________________
The sun was peeking through the window when Bailey’s phone alarm went off, startling them both.
“You came back.”
He didn’t know what to say, only tightened his grip on her, and when she turned to face him, she traced her fingers along his face, stroking the stubble lightly before lifting her lips to his.
She tasted sweet, like in his dreams, and he wished this moment could last forever. When she whispered his name, he pushed her back on the bed, covering her body with his. Burying his face in her neck, he soaked in her scent, trying to identify and memorize it, but it eluded him. Like her, he couldn’t quite make it make sense.
Running his nose along her neck, he groaned low and slow, stopping only to place soft kisses along her shoulder, collarbone, the swell of her breasts.She must have changed out of her jumpsuit after he left because she was wearing the tiny silk pajamas again, and the ease at which they slid from her skin drove him mad. Down the dips and curves of her stomach, he continued his trail of light kisses, wanting to remember every inch of her body.
When he finally found her lips again, she was breathless and gripping his shoulders, her legs naturally wrapping around his waist.Today, there was no speaking, no teasing, only a quiet understanding and a desperate need between them, so when she ran her hands over his head to his loose bun, pausing at the elastic holding them together, she looked at him questioningly.
Sitting back on his haunches, he pulled the hair tie off, then let her shake out his thick waves slowly. Her fingers ran through his hair, exploring and massaging his scalp before tightening her grip and yanking him towards her, the sounds of her satisfaction ringing in his ears.
He smirked, obliging her wants, and pulled her nipple into his mouth, tugging and sucking until she pulled him away, her hands never leaving the hair behind his ears.She crushed her lips to his, thrusting upwards until he moved his way down, taking his time again.
Her breathy moans and whimpers only fueled him on, and when he finally pushed inside of her, she shuddered, pulling her body flush to his. She breathed in his scent, licking along the shell of his ear, along his neck until goosebumps formed with her every touch. In his ear, her low growl surprised him, like she was fighting her beast for control, for something more, and he knew she had to feel the same way he did. Desperately, he wanted this to last longer, to touch every inch of her for their last time, so he rolled to his side, pulling her with him. For the longest time, he just cupped her face, holding her beautiful eyes with his own before she pulled his hand away, kissing along his fingers and down his hands. Then she met his lips, sinking into him as she murmured against his mouth.
