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“You can.” I reply to Wes.
The driver sets the bathroom key on the dashboard of the bus and heads to the exit. He smiles at me as he walks down the stairs to the outside. I wonder what he does in his free time. I wonder what he thinks of me.
I wonder what I look like now. I should probably go freshen up, but what did it really matter? I’m about to end things for good. I have to. As rough as it will be, it has to be done. It is going to hurt like hell, and I know that, but I have to do it. We have to go back to not being friends, to being strangers. It’s for the best. It’s what he deserves.
I hear a knock on the door, and I open it to see him standing there. He is wearing sweatpants and a black T-shirt. He has bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept much or maybe like he has been crying. I don’t know, but it makes me sad.
“I’m going to have a smoke first. I thought you might want to join me.”
“Okay.” He holds out his hand as I step off the bus. I take it and he helps me down.
“Plus, I figured we should probably have some privacy for this conversation.” He comments, lighting a cigarette.
He has to know what I’m about to say, and he has to know it’s for the best.
“Yeah.” That's all I manage to say.
I can already feel the tears stinging my eyes.
“So, have you thought about what I said?”
I nod.
“And?”
“Wes. I’m really sorry.”
He looks forward, nodding his head.
“And if it’s not mine?”
“It’s not just the baby thing.”
“No?” He looks at me. “What then? More of this undeserving bullshit?”
“I’m not good enough for you.”
“Abbey.” He sighs. “We went over this. I wantyou. I loveyou. You deserve great things. You deserve to be happy.”
“I don’t. I really don’t.”
“Yes!” He yells. “Yes, you fucking do. Let me prove it to you. I know it’s scary. I know it’s new, but let me show you what good can be like. Please. I’m begging you. Just give us a chance.”
“No.” I am trying to keep my voice from shaking. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. “I can’t do it, Wes. It hurts too much. I’m not strong enough to do it. I’m not strong enough to be the girl you deserve.”
“Abbey.” He breathes out, looking into my eyes. “What do I have to do to prove to you that you are already the girl I deserve?”
“Nothing,” I admit, my voice trembling as I fight back tears. “Wes, it’s over. We can’t be together. We can’t be friends.”
“So what? We just pretend we don’t care about each other? Go back to being strangers?” I nod, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. “Abbey.” He says, then looks aways from me for a moment, taking a long drag off his cigarette. “I love you. I’m not going to stop loving you just because we aren’t together.”
“Wes. I’m sorry.” I break, letting the tears roll down my face.
“I’m always going to have your back, Abbey. I’m always going to be here for you, whether you want me to be or not. I will always care about you.” He puts his arms around me, and I leanmy head against his chest for a moment. “Please take care of yourself.” He kisses the side of my head. “I love you so much. Please take care of yourself.” He gives my arm a squeeze before removing his arms from around me. He bends down and puts out his cigarette. “I guess this is goodbye.” His voice cracks a little. I simply nod my head, unable to speak. “Goodbye, Abigail Dark.”
I can’t speak. I just stand there crying as he sighs and begins to walk away.
I climb back onto my bus and walk down to my bunk. I can barely see I’m crying so hard. I crawl into my bunk and let myself fall apart. I cry, I scream, and I shake from crying so hard.
