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“Okay.”
He puts his arm around my shoulder, and I lean against it. I know this is bad, and I know we aren’t supposed to be touching like this, but I don’t care right now. His arm around me feels too good.
I pull out the vial when we stop in front of my bus.
“Please use the other side. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’m fucking vibrating.” I laugh and do a bump. “It’s really intense, but it’s amazing not to be in pain for a bit.”
“Yeah.” He holds out his hand, and I put the vial in it. I’m done with it as it is. He untwists the cap and bumps. “Thank you.”
“Keep it.” There isn’t much left in it.
“No. You’ll need some for the comedown.” He passes it back to me.
“I have Xanax.”
“You worry me sometimes.” He says gently but doesn’t take the vial, so I slip it back into my pocket.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He takes my hand as we stand outside my bus. He rubs little circles on my palm. It feels so good I almost moan. “I’m really sorry about everything, Abbey.”
“Me too.”
“Please take care of yourself. I love you.”
I nod, afraid to speak.
“Goodnight Abbey.”
“Wes.” I say as he starts to walk away. “I love you too. So much. I wish things could be different. I wish I was better. I wish I was stronger.”
He turns back around. “Abbey.”
“I know.”
I’m fully aware of what he is going to say. He is going to tell me I’m stronger than I think but I’m not. I’m not strong and that’s why we can’t be together.
“What am I supposed to do?” He asks softly. “Wait for you to realize you’re making a big mistake? Because I’ll wait. I just need to know what you want me to do.”
“Move on.”
It’s what he needs to do, even though the thought of him with someone else makes me want to throw up.
“And what will you do?”
“Move on too.” I lie.
I will never fully move on from him. I just can’t.
“With Skylar?” He asks, not really masking his anger.
“Maybe.” I shrug.
“You can do better than him.”
“No, I really can’t.”
