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Whenever we notice something different as a result of pregnancy, she takes that information to one of her notebooks to write down every detail. I think that at five months she has already finished with more than ten pages because she even has the cravings that arise, the foods that disgust me and everything that has changed in my environment so that no one is going to think of giving me bacon, hamburgers or things with too much fat because that directly makes me vomit.
—What was the last change you wrote down?
—Headaches, the nausea has stopped and we discovered that dressings of all kinds irritate your stomach too much, causing you to vomit for long hours.
I massage my belly passing through his hand that is still on my abdomen, it was true that I did not like these changes at all because there were many things that I had stopped enjoying just because of the pregnancy. We should not always believe that everything that motherhood brings is perfect and that we will know how to live with it because women were made to be mothers.
No, we are human beings just like men and being born as a woman does not mean that you are a baby bank, just because you have a vagina, uterus and an entire female reproductive system does not mean that you were made to be a mother. The latter I have read countless books on motherhood and most of them talk about how great it must be, leaving aside all the problems and changes that you undergo, I don't complain, I analyze it because things are not that great .
I discarded those books, they always emphasized that one was already made to be a mother and that we almost had to put up with any ailment or change that affected us on a physical, emotional or health level. Something that I do not agree with because there are mothers who abandon their children, who beat them to kill them, silence them or make them understand a lesson, mothers who do not take care of their children and can leave them without food for days, mothers who can lock up their children. children with chains and everything so that they do not bother them.
Those mothers who are also women were ultimately not manufactured to be mothers.
God, this topic is so controversial that I hope in a few years we women will come out and tell the truth about motherhood without telling other mothers that we must put up with everything even if we are dying of pain inside. Feeling negative things towards your motherhood does not make you a bad mother, it makes you a human being who feels, expresses himself and has the courage to accept that there are things that bother us during this stage.
It bothers me that I vomit all the time, it bothers me that sudden mood changes bother me, it bothers me that I can't eat what I used to love so much, it bothers me that I feel sick on some days that are beautiful days for doing productive things and of course, it can be talked about from the point of view where we point out and justify ourselves with: you wanted to get pregnant. And I can't express myself about the negative points of my stage of pregnancy? It sucks that now you have to ask permission to speak because they point fingers at you for everything and they believe that a mother can't complain.
I stop thinking about everything that I have experienced in these months - or rather, read - I have not been able to mingle at parties, accompany Salvatore to the clubs or socialize with other people because they always have something to comment on the way I carry my pregnancy. I thank Salvatore for always being by my side distracting me and taking me to other places to keep us away from people.
Arriving at the hospital I stay in the waiting room while Salvatore gives the information about the appointment we have pending and goes to the bathroom for a few seconds. Around me there are only pregnant women or teenagers who have a ballot in their hands, when I snoop a little I see that it is a surgical procedure to abort, a mother of three and one on the way approaches her to look at her ugly.
—I don't understand why you fill that out if you are the ones guilty of opening your legs to anyone. —The lady with curly brown hair that reaches her shoulders intervenes, rubbing her large abdomen—. It's your fault.
-How old are you?
I ask the girl who feels intimidated and has stopped writing, she bites her lips, tries to avoid the woman's murderous look while she tears off her nails causing her fingers to turn red.
—Hey, calm down, nothing's wrong.
"Don't give her any ideas, you're pregnant, you know what it means to preserve and respect the life of a child." The lady is about to take my hand away from the girl who is having an anxiety attack, however, Nadia intercedes, taking out a weapon causing the lady not to touch me. She is to blame and now more so because she is a murderer.
—You have no right to judge her! —I get up suddenly and Nadia sits down with the girl who has started to cry, Guillermo stands next to me—. Where is the father of all these children? Who is the father of the child you have on the way? —I ask inquisitively—. I don't see it here, you talk so much about respect and goodness that you judge, well I will judge you if you like - punctual -, any father should be here with the woman who comes to get a check-up because it is called responsibility, he shouts at those children to stay still, to stop bothering the others here and tell me where is their father to take care of them?
—And where is yours? You are a little girl with no respect for elders, and you come pregnant, I don't see the man who impregnated you here, only the lackeys with whom he works as if they were going to do the job of a responsible father.
—Doesn't it feel good to be judged, to be singled out? Because when they do, you come out with something else to defend yourself when neither I nor anyone else should give explanations to anyone about what you do or don't do with your life. Salvatore takes me by the shoulders when I'm about to leave, the woman who was previously standing next to me. nothing about bursting at me, he goes to his seat when he sees the feline and cruel look of the man behind me. Don't point fingers, don't get involved in what doesn't concern you if you don't want others to get involved in theirs.
—Come on, leave her alone.
It pulls me away from the lady who immediately tries to remedy things by apologizing to the girl and trying to control the kids who are making a huge mess in the waiting room. When I get to the girl she is calmer, Salvatore wraps his arms around my waist, placing both hands on the median bulge on my abdomen.
-Are you OK?
"Yes, it's just that... I'm eighteen, my contraceptive method failed, my partner and I took good care of ourselves, but no method is perfect." He sniffs and runs his hands over his cheeks. I just have to pay for my degree, which is what I so want to study, I work in four different places to eat, get my school supplies and I can't leave this alone because my contraceptive failed.
—You should not give explanations to anyone to obtain acceptance or a good face from people, people will always love to get involved in other people's problems because their life will be so boring that they will have to get involved in other people's problems to feel powerful and owners of things. the truth and wisdom,” I tell him. Whatever the reason, no one should force anyone because for me that would be a type of abuse, forcing someone to do something that they don't want to do is abusing their vulnerable state, their mind, it is manipulating someone to give pleasure to someone. another person. Peaceful.
-Thank you very much.
-No problem.
A few minutes later they call us for our appointment, they take her to another room and the lady from before is asked to check on the little ones because they have broken a chair, a glass table and thrown a flower pot causing a patient to end up in the floor when stepping on all the mess they made. I understand that motherhood when you are alone is not easy either, but I will only say that it is not necessary to criticize anyone, judge or point out to anyone why we all have problems and no one in the world likes to be judged.
The doctor greets us and, as is routine, makes me get on the table to do an ultrasound. Salvatore kisses my cheek, helps me pull up my shirt and looks at me with admiration.
—I don't like it when you fight, but I was quite pleased to know that you helped another person who was having a very bad time while the other party was boasting about having the power to judge and point fingers.
—That girl was going through a crisis, no one was by her side and being singled out in that way is terrible.
