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—Because you are always the ones who wanted pampering, attention and none of that was given to me. That's why my fucking courage has been stuck for four months, because the three of you only wanted me to shelter you, give you love and play the damn role of people who had already died, you wanted me as a fucking psychologist and tell me Leon, who will help me? holds to me? Because none of you three were there, I didn't see any of them talking to me, they only reproached me for drinking, for bringing whores and whores, for working all the time and not sitting down to eat with you —he squeezes the bridge of his nose trying to control himself—. That's why I made my own moves without you knowing, because I've always been just me these four months while you three watch me from the corner and criticize me for everything. Those are my brothers? I don't know how to fuck, because you call me a bad brother and I can't call you that way, right? Go to hell all of you, I see that only you three matter here and as long as I continue to protect you from being killed because I love you, you will continue to call me the bastard who sent the family to hell, Dante's chosen one. Call me whatever, I'm not going to care.
For the first time I feel that Salvatore breaks with his brothers, Domenico suddenly stopped cutting off his victim's member because he needed to hear what his older brother had just said.
They continue arguing, my feet move slowly and the screams that come out make me open the door to the place where we were. Leaving them alone I run out looking for something, I get to the bathroom where I furiously clean my hands, as if that blood were acid running through my fingers, I had enjoyed it too much that it terrifies me to know that I enjoyed that blood on my hands.
When I finish I fix my hair and look for Tamara who is at the main door watching, when she looks at me I have to let go.
—Take me to David, it's urgent.
-They have not given me...
-Please!
My plea makes him look everywhere and he points to the truck, I immediately climb in so he can take me to my best friend's house. I had spoken little with him, I think I was so focused on all the dilemmas with the Marinos that I didn't have the time to send a message and that makes me feel bad.
When I get out I care very little that Tamara stays with another soldier who was also in the truck, they get ready with their weapons and I disappear looking for my best friend's apartment. When I arrive and he opens the door, the door slams and he fills me with his arms.
"Shit Emily, I didn't want to make any move because I'm afraid they'll kill you." He separates me from his arms. Are you OK? Come on, sit down, I'll serve you something.
—I left without Salvatore's permission. —I enter David's elegant, monochromatic apartment, take a seat on the couch and receive a glass of water from him—. Too many things have happened and I don't know how to feel because a man... They caught a man who they tortured to get information from him and he said that everyone in Apulia already knew who he was, the damn Fabian... He passed on my photos and my intimate videos what he made me do when I was with him—my eyes watered—and I felt so stupid that there was something inside me that demanded I kill him. And I also entered the game, I tortured him, David.
—Damn, Meg.
He hugs me, I put my legs up on the couch so I can hug them and that way I can cry while I tell him in sobs and babbling everything I saw, everything I heard and everything I did to that man. Saying it is easier, more liberating now that I am in his arms being comforted.
—I don't know, I felt... I felt like I had finally managed to get away from all that and when I heard what Fabian had done, what the man was saying about me, I only had in mind to put that syringe in his eye, I just wanted to shut it up
—Emily, I don't think you should blame yourself for all that when your life has already been too hard, the people around you have treated you too badly and I think that for the first time in your life you did something to end all that.
I wipe my face and look at him again, my eyelashes remain grouped from the amount of tears I just let out.
"I liked doing it, for the first time I feel like I have security, for the first time I feel like I have the power," I confess. And not only with those men, not only with the brothers, with everyone in general. I have the power over myself to decide what to do without believing that I will have an inner voice telling me that it is wrong, that I shouldn't do it, that I am this or that.
"Precious, I think all this is helping you open your eyes and realize that if you're not as badass as them, you're going to lose." He rubs my back. I don't want to say that becoming one of them is the salvation for everything, no, I mean that if you want to be strong you must stick to your new environment and I think that's it, because you are already in that world.
—Salvatore told me a lot of things, you know?
-I hear you.
I put all that remorse aside and start telling him everything I had heard about the mafia and Alessio's movements. It is a catastrophe that for eight months Salvatore and his brothers always thought that it was Alessio who filled them with misfortunes. They were ready to attack without knowing that they already had two more enemies on them all.
Massimo and Alessio Rinaldi, I didn't stop thinking about it until we prepared something to eat. Taking a look through the window I notice that Tamara is still in the area, it's starting to get dark and I didn't bring my cell phone, I left my things at home, I just came in my dress and heels. The heels are the ones I took off since I sat on the couch.
For some reason I don't want to go back right now, I feel like things were too tense and I remember everything Salvatore said to his brothers while I was trying to analyze what I had just done. It could be considered an escape, but if Salvatore followed through on what he said, he was supposed to let me go whenever I wanted.
We both start watching a couple of movies and documentaries, basically everything we find on television until fatigue begins to overcome us, we both stay on the large armchair and I get lost in my dreams for about two hours. . The cold is what wakes me up, when I look at the clock I realize that it is ten at night.
I know this department very well, I go to David's room to get a sheet that we can cover ourselves with and I steal a car shirt from him to replace the cumbersome dress. I finish washing my face removing all traces of makeup and I hear a small knock on the door.
I go to her, but not before covering my friend with the blanket. A little sleepy, I open all the locks, forgetting that there is a peephole on the door, I open it feeling like my entire brain is turned off until she appears on my radar. She doesn't go with anyone, she just holds her bag over one arm, which she drops on the floor and grabs me by the hair to slam me against the door.
"You're a stupid, virgin bitch!" —I also look for his hair so I can pull it. David gets up alarmed and approaches us as we continue fighting—. It wasn't enough for you to like my husband, it wasn't enough for you to hurt my brother, you go and tell the principal to take my daughter out because you haven't gotten over your fucking problems with my brother. You are a bitch! You're a bitch, a bitch who drags everyone along.
—Helena, stop!
I defend myself, my best friend puts his hands in, but we both push him away and the woman takes me out into the hallway. We fall to the ground, I grab her hair, she kicks me away, but I turn back to her who is carrying a couple of strands of my hair in her hands.
I slam his face into the ground, he scratches my face, digs his knee into me wherever he can and we both continue. I hear my best friend yelling over a window, talking to someone else on the phone, and when he's done he grabs my hip so he can pull me away.
