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I would not allow it to happen.
I guess I’m just hoping that she would be able to forgive me for what I have done, kind of feeling like a complete ass but I know one way or another, we both did want this. I guess now I need to figure out how far I want to take this. Or if she even wants to be in a relationship? Do I want that?
The questions are endless.
Chapter Seven
Larissa
I have been waiting for Walker to call me or something, but I can’t help but feel like it isn’t going to happen. Maybe this was just sex for him, and he didn’t really give a damn about what would happen next. Honestly, I did feel a little hurt because I did think that maybe I had meant more to him than just a fling in the hay but it’s starting to feel like to me that he didn’t feel anything towards me. If anything, he didn’t want nothing to do with me in the long run and that was kind of like a punch to the gut. I know it might not seem like it, but I definitely have a heart of gold and there’s no way in hell that I deserve anything different. I don’t care what anyone says either because I’m going to keep advocating for myself that this is how I feel and if you don’t like it, then you may kiss my ass. It’s kind of funny to think about because I know how he feels about me, and I know what makes him tick but I also want to see him go wild. Wouldn’t that be fun?
I can’t help but think dirty thoughts of him punishing me and doing everything in his power to make sure that I know that I BELONG to him. Not to just anyone. To him. And if I don’t likeit, then it’s tough shit because he’s not letting me go anywhere. If anything, he’s going to keep proving to me time and time again just how much I so desperately want and need him and he’s not going to just take no for an answer. If anything, he’s going to just fuck me silly and claim me as his right in front of everyone. It just makes me horny thinking about it because I would love nothing more than for him to claim me as his.
What do I have to do to get him to do that?
Trying to push aside those wandering thoughts because I don’t want to be worrying over something that hasn’t happened yet, I just go over my paperwork and try to fight off those dark feelings. I know what everyone might say right now but I could really not give a damn. Everything that I have been doing right now has been making it very clear that either which way, I don’t need Walker. If he wants to be a part of my life, great, I will happily accept him into my life but what I won’t do is chase after someone. He’s crazy if he thinks that I would do that.
Something about that man though, I can’t quite put my finger on it right now, but I just know that there’s no way in hell that I am ever going to be able to walk away from him. I don’t care what anybody says or does, he’s just something that I know I’m going to love, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I do wonder if maybe I had pushed the situation too hard and put him in a place where he didn’t have a choice. I obviously didn’t do it on purpose because I’m not that kind of person, but it is a worry that I do have to live with. If I did end up making a fool out of him and then he figured it out and treated me like dirt afterwards, the only person that I would end up being able to blame is myself.
It doesn’t matter what I do or how I do it, it’s just how it has to be.
Letting out a sigh, one of my vet techs looks up at me curiously. She just freshly left the University and is slowlylearning the ropes. She is really nice and has a cute name, Alyssa. I have been able to turn to her for matters that I needed some advice on. Of course, I still kept it professional and didn’t give out too much information because I don’t need the whole world to know what I’m doing but I just know she is someone that I can trust.
“You have been sighing an awful lot, Larissa.” She tells me, raising an eyebrow at me, “are you okay? Do you need help with something?”
I know this probably isn’t the answer she was expecting but I have to ask, “what do you do when you have finally caught the man that you have a big crush on, but he’s been in no contact since then? Do I just leave him be? Did I get rejected? I’m just so confused as to why he is treating me like this.”
“Oh!” Her eyes widen slightly as if she hadn’t expected it, “I guess there would be a few factors to answer that question. I guess it would be based on what he was expecting from you, Larissa. Does he like you, too? Does he want anything to do with you? Did he just want to mess around with you? Does he see a future with you? There’s a lot of questions that could be answered but I don’t know if he would give those answers.”
I just nod because it makes a lot of sense and I have no idea where to go from there. But the next thing I know, my phone is going off and I am surprised to see Walker’s name. I let it ring for a few seconds, not wanting him to think that I’m too eager before I pick it up.
“Hello?” I murmur, hoping that I don’t sound too crazy.
“Larissa.” Walker murmurs softly, sounding hesitant himself but still getting to the chase, “I was wondering if you’re free to meet me for dinner tonight. I think we have a lot to discuss.”
“I will see you then.” I agree with him.
I just hope I don’t live to regret this.
Chapter Eight
Walker
I feel like a complete asshole, and I wouldn’t blame Larissa if she wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I know it might sound like I am making some kind of excuse, but I had no intention of just not talking to her after we slept together. I’ve been really busy dealing with Littlefoot and Black Beauty, and this time of year around the ranch is complete chaos because we’re getting into competition season. I’m sure that Larissa already knew this but a part of me is worried over the fact that she might be misunderstanding and thinking the worst of me. I know what kind of man that I am, and I know that I have a lot to do to make sure that she knows just how much I do want her.
It took me a few days to come to that conclusion, but I want her more than I have ever wanted someone in my entire life. She brings out feelings inside of me that not even Candace was able to bring out. It’s a little scary because I have never put that much faith in someone before and I’m basically just giving it all to her. If I was sane right now, I would have kicked myself in the ass and told myself that I need to not be an idiot and do the rightthing, but I can’t think like that either. I just know that one way or another, I’m going to have to do what I can to make sure that I don’t get screwed in the long run.
Drawing in a deep breath, I wait patiently for Larissa to arrive at my ranch house since nobody would be here to disturb us. Nobody would but I have been hearing whispers among the ranchers about Larissa and me. I guess I should have realized that people might have been able to hear us in the barn but I’m just glad that nobody walked in to investigate because that would have been a sight to see, and I didn’t want anyone seeing Larissa the way that I see her.
I don’t know when I grew to be so protective and possessive of her but it’s definitely something that I have to get used to. I do kind of hope that either way, I learn from this, and I can just make her as happy as possible. I have been going back and forth in my head about the entire thing, debating long and hard about what would end up happening next.
I know it might end up sounding like an excuse, but I just know that one way or another, I’m going to be going down this path where I don’t know if it’ll end good. I want to put faith in us, but I’m also worried about losing her in the process. If I do, or if she has thought the worst of me just because I haven’t spoken to her, I know that there would be no turning back.
My stomach churns at the mere thought.
Yeah, I don’t know what I would do but I guess I’m about to find out.
Before I could process anything else, my phone suddenly goes off, startling me. I pull out my phone and I am confused when I see it is James. I have no idea why he is calling me, but something tells me that this phone call isn’t going to be a good one. I clear my throat and hope for the best as I answer the call.
