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My insides twisted. “I guess? Yeah?”
“No, of course not. Patrick mentioned something about throwing you a gender-reveal party, so whatever choices you make, I fully support you,” she added.
“You’re lovely,” I told her, “but I don’t even—”
“Sooo…” she interrupted again. “He had a few questions about why you transferred. I didn’t want to tell him it was because you wouldn’t shut up in a meeting, and I was so excited to be helping you along your career path, so I might have maybe mentioned that you were so manly and attractive that people were jealous, and that maybe you and I used to date, and I still wasn’t over you, and you thought it was best if we broke it off because it wasn’t appropriate to have a relationship in the workplace, especially since I was your supervisor?”
I sucked in a breath. “Heidi, no.”
“Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“No!” I yelped. “It was a misunderstanding, not a bad movie.”
“Well, don’t squeak like that when you talk to Melon Hamster-Pants—maybe Hammer-Pants?—or he’ll know you have tiny lungs. He’s calling you at noon.”
“Shit.” I almost dropped my cup of coffee. “What am I going to do?” I asked Heidi frantically.
“You have to be Harrison Ford!” she cried. “If you tell him I made everything up, he’ll call my actual boss, and they’ll totally fire me.”
“How did this happen?” I whispered to myself. “I literally just wanted to take the weekend before addressing this gender thing, and now you’re my ex-girlfriend and former boss, and everyone is intimidated by my masculinity. We don’t date our bosses, Heidi. Even each other.”
“I know. I made sure Melon knew it was mostly one-sided. But you’re missing the point. You have a virtual penis now,” Heidi said.
“Gross, Heidi, I do not!” I yelled.
“You sort of do. Or you might as well have. Maybe he only called and checked on your background because he thought you were a guy. Maybe you have, like, male privilege now! Wouldn’t that be cool? Then you could get promoted like you always wanted.” She took a breath. “I helped, Ana. I did.”
“Heidi, promise me you’ll never help me again.”
“I can’t promise that because I’m still not over you.” There was some rustling, followed by a frantic “I gotta go, bye,” and then silence.
I sat there, holding the phone, feeling the beginning of a panic attack flood through me. I took a deep breath and held it. How was I going to tell the Hammer that I was a woman after that? They’d throw Heidi out on the street or try to have her committed. But on the other hand, how could I not?
I let my breath out slowly and kept my eyes closed, trying to center myself, until I heard my email ding.
From: Melvin Hammer
To: Indiana Aaron
Subject: Catch-up Call
Hi Indiana,
I hope you don’t mind that I took a look into your professional history over the weekend. I’ll admit, initially I was skeptical that you were correct in your assessment on Friday. No otherteam member spoke up. This morning I had quite an interesting chat with your former supervisor, who informed me that not only do you have the technical skills I’ve been looking for, but also the presence and leadership necessary to command a team. The apps you’ve created are remarkable.
Would you be able to hop on a call with me at noon today?
All best,
Melvin Hammer
Manager, Artemis Team
Acknowledgment. Appreciation. What I’d always wanted and never been able to get. And it was being offered now because why? Because Heidi had told him I was an assertive guy? My email dinged again, and I saw a meeting invite appear on my calendar.
Catch-up with Melvin Hammer, 12:00 pm–1:00 pm.
An entire hour. If I took that call, he’d hear my tiny lungs. He’d ask if he could speak to my dad. I’d probably get scared and pass out, and end up getting both Heidi and me fired.
