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“I, uh,” Cooper looks down at himself. “I haven’t been getting much sleep.” He shrugs.
“Yeah,” I say. “Me neither.” At least Cooper has the self-awareness to grimace.
“How’s your mom?” I ask, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Not good,” he says. “She’s fading. They gave her seventy-two hours two days ago.”
“Shit,” I breathe. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.” We stand there in silence for a moment and I take another sip of coffee before he speaks again. “Any chance you’d let me inside? I only have seventeen minutes left and I do have something I want to do, and say, and I’d rather not say it out here.” He looks around and then back at me, biting his lip, and I smirk.
“It would serve you right if I made you do it out here,” I say, and he flushes.
“I will if you want me to.” It’s not the answer I’m expecting and I swallow. Damn him. I sigh and step aside, gesturing for him to enter. It might be stupid but I never claimed to be smart.
“You’re down to fifteen minutes now,” I say, closing the door.
Cooper takes a deep breath.
“So, what is it?” I ask.
He takes my arm and pulls me towards the dining room where he releases me, before grabbing a chair and sliding it out,facing it towards him. Then he steps back and motions for me to sit. I raise an eyebrow but do as he asks, crossing my arms over my chest and giving Cooper a stern expression. “So far I’m not impressed.”
“Just hang on.” He pulls out another chair and sits down across from me, a few feet away. He looks me in the eyes and then speaks. “I know I hurt you. I know I hurt you beyond words, and I know I don’t deserve another chance and I don’t expect you to give me one. I fucked up. I know that. I was hasty and stupid and foolish and dumb and I am so, so sorry. And I know there are no words that can ever be enough to express that or make up for the damage I’ve done to our relationship. You trusted me, and I broke that trust. I should have clung to you and instead I pushed you away. I don’t deserve you, I know that, and I know apologizing isn’t enough. But I want you to know that I’m serious about changing, whatever that means for us. Even if it means you won’t ever take me back. Even if it means we are only friends from here on out, or if it means we can’t be in each other’s lives at all. I know I have some things in my life that I need to work on, and I’m going to. But first, I wanted you to hear this.”
Cooper pulls out his phone and presses play and music floods through the speakers, filling the room. To my utter astonishment he begins to sing. I’ve heard this song before, but never has it meant as much to me as it does now, coming from the man I love, in tears as he pours out his heart to me. His lips tremble, his voice shaking as the words from “You Are the Reason” by Calum Scott slip from them.
I’m breathless as I listen, my chest constricting, his voice rising and falling as tears streak his cheeks, but he doesn’t miss a single word, and his gaze never leaves mine. Fuck. I’m trembling now, too, and he continues to sing. This has to be one of the most emotional experiences of my life.
He rises as the song comes to an end and approaches me, shaking, and kneeling at my feet, utterly wrecked.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so earnest, so undone in front of me. He takes my face in his hands and pulls my forehead to his, closing his eyes as he chokes on the final words.
When the music fades he lifts his head and looks at me, cheeks streaked with tears, his chest heaving.
And for all of my hurt, and grief, and anger, I’m sobbing too.
That was awful. Cooper cannot sing, but it was the most heartfelt, sincere thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t want to be crying. Not again. Not in front of him. But I can’t help it.
“Cooper,” I choke out as he clings to me.
“Don’t.” His voice is gravely as he brings our foreheads together again. “Don’t, please. I don’t want to know what you’ll say, because if it isn’t what I want to hear I have to have this last moment with you.”
There’s a moment of silence and then he speaks again. “Wesley, I’m going to see a therapist. After talking with my mom it’s something I realize I’ve needed for a while, and I’m hoping it will help me work through some things that I think have been affecting our relationship without me even knowing it. I know this isn’t an excuse for how terribly I treated you, but I think I pushed you away because I was scared of you pushing me away first. I didn’t think I was good enough for you. I didn’t think I deserved you and I was afraid you would let me go so I let you go instead. I let that fear and insecurity cripple me and rob me of the best things in my life. And I don’t want that anymore. Not for us, not for my career as a pilot, not for anything.”
I sniffle and lift my head. My fingers find their way to his hair and stroke it. “That sounds pretty great to me,” I say, and he smiles. God I love that smile.
“I think, if you’re willing, I’d like you to be there for my mom’s funeral,” Cooper says, “and then maybe it would be bestif we took a break from each other again, so that you can figure out what it is you want, and if what you want is us. I’ll be doing therapy during that time and if you feel like you’re in a place where I’ve earned back your trust, then maybe we can start doing some therapy together?”
I have tears falling down my cheeks as I nod. Two days ago Cooper was the last person on earth I wanted to lay eyes on and now the idea of not seeing him for a few months is eating my heart out. But I know he’s right. He needs to work on some things and this time apart will be good for us.
He reaches up and presses a chaste kiss to my forehead and then takes my hands in his and squeezes. “I will always love you, Wesley.” His lips move to my hands and I feel his tears on my skin as they brush against my knuckles. My chest heaves, and then his eyes meet mine once more. “Please don’t give up on me,” he says, “because I won’t give up on us.” He strokes my cheek, then stands and leaves, closing the door behind him.
COOPER - 4 MONTHS LATER
It’s August now, and for Florida that means sweating in the shade, but today it’s not so bad, given how early in the morning it is. There’s actually a light breeze as I sit on the park bench sipping my coffee.
It has been four months. Four months since I started therapy. Four months since my mom passed away. Four months since I last saw the man I love with every cell in my body. And while I know that I did the right thing in taking a break and creating some space, my heart aches desperately for Wesley. For that sexy smile and that beautiful laugh, for those vibrant eyes and those soft, petite hands in mine. For those full pink lips and that warm body against my own.
