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Sure, I know technically, I’m still on a mission, but I am really enjoying this job. And spending time with Alpha is an added bonus. I can’t believe how easy it was for me to assimilate into the club. Nor can I get over how Alpha let me join when I was ready to walk away and suffer the consequences of not completing my mission.
We fuck like rabbits, but we spend our nights separate because I don’t want to get too attached because I know how this ends.
However, he thinks the reason is the whole boss-work thing, which I only said because I could feel myself becoming attached, which is a huge problem for a bird.
Still, I have a job to do, and I have no idea when the activation code will be sent to my cell.
It could be any time.
For any reason.
I must keep focused.
No matter how much I might like Alpha.
Because, first and foremost, heismy target.
Doughnut finishes his bottle, milk dripping down his hairy chin. I hoist him up, then move him to the side gate. “Go on, off you go, big man.” He waddles off, his stomach full when he exits the barn.
I turn back to the pigsty where Fajita is still lying in the same position as this morning when I came in. She hasn’t moved. I walk over to her, running my hand along her hairy back. “Hey, girl. You doin’ okay?” I ask, but she doesn’t react. She didn’t even get up for her food this morning. I should have known something was off then because she is always the first to the trough.
Walking over to the cabinet, I pull out the thermometer, wipe the tip with the alcohol wipe, then move over to Fajita and takeher temperature. The other pigs gather around me like they can tell something is wrong with their friend. The thermometer beeps, and I glance down. “105… should be between 101.6 and 104. You’re on the high side, my girl. I think we’re gonna need to get a vet out here to look you over.” Exhaling, I pet her again, then stand and make my way out of the pigsty. I step out of my muddy boots, pull off my coveralls, slip on some Converse, and head for the clubhouse to find Alpha.
He’s not in the main room, so I head for his bedroom upstairs. Gently rapping on his door, I pop my head through to see him standing at his memory wall. He glances at me with a semi-smile and signals for me to enter.
I’ve seen him looking over his wall numerous times since I’ve been here, but I have never once asked about it. However, I am becoming increasingly curious about what all the items mean.
Alpha continues to stare at the wall, so I bump into his side. “You locking yourself away again?”
He lets out a sigh, turning to face me. “You ever think that sometimes the actions in your past are supposed to haunt you for the rest of your life?”
I narrow my gaze on him. “I think our actions in the past shouldn’t define us. I think we grow from them. They make us into the people we are now. Without our pasts, we don’t become who we’re meant to be.”
“But what if our pasts are just too fucking tragic. What if we aren’t redeemable? No matter how hard we try?”
My stomach rolls as I stare at him because I’m unsure if he is talking about him or me anymore.
Reaching out, I grab his hands in mine. “What’s going through your head? You seem like you’re in a bad place right now?”
“It’s the anniversary today,” he says, the words so low I can only just hear him.
Not understanding, I furrow my brows. “Anniversary of what?”
He spins from me, running his hand through his hair and pacing. “Eight years since the attack on the embassy.” He pulls out his dog tags from around his neck, gripping them tight in his fist. “Eight years since I killed my team. Everyone but my CO.”
My eyes widen in shock. I knew Alpha had been through some shit in the Forces, but I never knew it wasthisbad. “What happened?” I ask.
He continues to pace, and I let him. If he needs to burn off his steam while he tells me his truth, then I’m okay with that. “My team was sent in to extract the American ambassador and his family from a foreign embassy while their country was under attack. Our mission was simple. Get the ambassador and his family to the evac site immediately.”
He shakes his head like he’s living the memory in full, neon color. “But the hostiles raided the embassy sooner than we anticipated. We had to go on the defensive. Protect ourselves as well as try to get everyone out. It was too dicey, and my CO ordered an immediate mission abort.” His nostrils flare.
“The hostiles were everywhere. It was too dangerous, and for us to evac safely, we needed to leave. But we hadn’t acquired our primary targets, the ambassador and his family, onto the helos. So I went back, even though the rest of my team were leaving.” He grips his dog tags again like he needs the support right now.
“The problem is, with Special Forces, you’re a team. If one of your team goes back, we all do because wedon’tleave men behind.”
He turns to face me, clear grief and angst spreading across his face. “I’mthe reason they went back into that embassy.I’mthe reason they were all slaughtered by those fucking insurgents…” He pauses. “Eight unbelievably skilled soldiers died that day because ofme.”
I rush forward, grabbing his biceps and forcing him to look at me. “No, Alpha.Theygave their lives that day for the mission. You went into that mission knowing you could die for your country, right?”
