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I know their type. I’ve had their kind grace my office through the years. They are high-achieving people, used to navigating complex facts on the ground and calculating high-level risks, yet are ill-equipped to answer a question as simple as the one I just posed.
“Your phone was found in a dumpster off a tristate highway,” Jason says awkwardly, handing it back to me.
I take it from him and lay it beside me on the hospital bed.
“Please consider what we’ve said,” Kira says.
“I’ve made my decision. I’m not entering WITSEC. I want to rest now,” I say.
After they leave, I text Eddie to thank him for visiting me. But he doesn’t respond.
The night is dark and long. The hospital sounds that once terrified me—moans and cries coming from adjacent rooms, loud machines rolling down the corridors, I’m numb to now.
At some point, my phone makes a sound—a notification that it’s Eddie’s and my second anniversary.
Before our first trip to Santa Barbara last year, when we dropped Sarah off at Eddie’s parents’ place, his mom pulled me aside.
“Eddie’s dad and I will be thrilled when you two tie the knot,” she told me. “I know your generation takes things slowly, but my granddaughter needs a mother.”
I knew what she said was true and decided I would finally tell Eddie about what happened in my first marriage while we were away and alone.
As we ate dinner on an outdoor wraparound patio at the hotel’s seafood restaurant, I was summoning the courage to tell him the truth when he lifted his champagne glass.
“To finding you,” he said. “The best thing that’s happened to me since Sarah was born.”
I swallowed hard, fearful of opening up because of how he might react to finding out about my ED-related miscarriage.
“You’re the only woman I’ve dated since Helen died, and I know she had something to do with our meeting,” he continued. “When I was younger, I had all hopes for what my future children would be like one day—smart, good in school, athletic. But after Helen died, I realized what I hoped for more than anything was that Sarah grows up to be kind, like you were to me at the bakery when we first met. Thank you for being kind.”
Does a kind person keep secrets?I thought.
He clinked my glass. I sipped the champagne, trying to swallow down my guilt, unable to bring myself to tell him the truth about my past.
Later that night, I lay in bed, struggling to sleep, debating whether I should wake him up and finally tell him. But I didn’t. Maybe if I had, he’d still be here with me.
The nurse comes in and turns on the light to check my IV. In the cold, harsh fluorescent hospital room light, I can’t escape the fact I’m alone.
After she leaves, my phone makes another sound. A text from Sarah:
Hi Beans! Life360 says you’re in New York!
That’s so far. I miss you.
CHAPTER54
Day Five
IREST MY HEADback on the airplane seat’s headrest. The gauze is gone, and my hair is covering my stitches. The doctor referred me to have them removed in LA.
Unlike the red-eye flight I caught to NYC on Wednesday night when I was worried about my safety, now I don’t care. Maybe someone followed me onto the plane. Maybe they didn’t. It doesn’t matter anymore.
I haven’t heard anything from Eddie since he left me at the hospital yesterday.
I stare straight ahead at an old rerun ofFriendsplaying on the aircraft’s TV.
Eventually, the captain announces to prepare for descent, and we land into a rare LA storm. Rain hits the plane’s windows. I have no umbrella or raincoat with me.
I take a shuttle to my car parked in a lot near the airport and drive myself home.
