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‘I love you more,’ Nate says. ‘Now, shh. See you in Galway.’
I let my seat back and relax. Galway can’t come soon enough. I can’t wait to see my family. Four weeks abroad straight after the wedding has flown by and felt like a lifetime all at the same time. So much happened so suddenly in the months and weeks running up to our wedding that sometimes when I blink, I feel like the past year has all been a dream. If I concentrate, I find myself standing in the orchard, holding Nana’s hand and staring at the stars.
My parents moved into Nana’s old farmhouse shortly after she passed away. With my father retired and looking for a project, doing up the old house seemed like an opportunity Nana had been saving for him. I’ve never seen my mother more content than to be back in the house she grew up in. She bakes every day, and she’s obsessed with walking into town every Saturday morning to visit the farmers’ market. We’ve all told her the farmers provide the local supermarkets, and she can buy the same stuff there any day of the week, but she doesn’t care. She says it’s tradition, and we can’t argue with that.
Nate and I travel for an hour or so, as I drift in and out of sleep.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask, waking fully.
‘Yeah.’ Nate points at the road ahead. ‘I wish this asshole in front of me would drive between the bloody lines, though.’
I smile, glancing out the windscreen at the driver Nate is talking about. ‘I didn’t really mean are you okay driving right now. I meant more in general.’
Nate sighs. ‘I’m okay, Holly. I know this has been a hard year. The hardest. But when I’m feeling shit or low, I remind myself that this time last year, I couldn’t call you my wife, and now I can. Despite all the pain and heartbreak, this will always be the year that gave you to me. That’s the positive that I concentrate on when I need to be strong.’
I smile. I think about the same thing when I need perspective, too.
‘How areyoufeeling?’ Nate asks, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to meet mine.
‘I’m okay,’ I say. ‘I still can’t believe it’s been a year, you know.’
‘I know,’ Nate says. ‘Sometimes, it feels like it all happened yesterday, and other times, it feels like a lifetime ago.’
‘Yeah. Exactly,’ I say, closing my eyes to daydream of the past.
I must drift off to sleep because when I look out the window again, we’re pulling off the main road and onto the tiny laneway that leads to the orchard.
I hadn’t noticed Ben driving on the motorway behind us, but his car veers off the main road onto the familiar laneway straight after us. He parks up on the grass verge.
‘You ready to do this?’ Nate asks, turning off the engine.
I glance out the back window and into Ben’s car. He’s sitting, pensive, with his hands still gripping the steering wheel at ten and two. The long-haired brunette in the passenger’s seat leans across to kiss his cheek.
I’ve heard a lot about Ben’s new girlfriend – mostly from my excited mother – but today will be the first time I meet her in person. Ben called me sometime last week. The reception was terrible in the desert. All I could make out was something about Sabrina joining us today. Ben knows how much today means to me so I appreciate him checking if I was okay with a stranger-to-me joining us. Usually, I wouldn’t be, but I’ve never heard my brother use the term girlfriend before. I’m excited for him.
Ben and Sabrina have only been dating three months, and Sabrina didn’t make it to the wedding because her mother is unwell, and she is her sole carer. Ben was super-disappointed she couldn’t come, but he tried to hide it for both Sabrina’s and my sake. It’s the first time I’ve ever known him to really fall for a girl, so I can understand why my mother is so giddy about the relationship.
Sabrina is pretty, and as I watch her comfort my poignant brother, I think I like her already. I pull my stare away reluctantly, feeling as if I’m intruding on a private moment between them.
My parents’ car isn’t here, but the rusty old gate into the orchard is open and creaking as it sways in the wind. I suspect my parents have walked from the farmhouse. It’s a tedious walk on winding backroads, and the cars zoom around the many bends way too fast, but I know my mother will have insisted on walking today for old times’ sake. She’s probably even secretly hoping for rain.
Nate leans into the back of the car and gathers our waiting coats, hats and scarves off the seat. He must have thrown them into the car at the last-minute before we left for the airport last month. I’m so glad he had the foresight to consider the weather when we returned home. The winter’s day waiting outside the comfort of Nate’s car is a shocking contrast to the Dubai heat. My denim skirt and sleeveless shirt that I’ve flown home in don’t stand a chance against the Irish weather in January.
I snuggle into the material of the heavy black coat that I last wore the day of my grandmother’s funeral and take a deep breath.I can’t believe it’s been a year, I think.One whole year.My fingers tremble as I do up the buttons.
Nate gets out of the car first and walks around to my side. A gust of wind blows sharply against my face as soon as he opens the door. Nate reaches his open hand out to me, and I take it and step out of the car.
‘I love you,’ he says, pulling me close to him for a cuddle.
‘I know.’ I smile, snuggling close to him. ‘I love you too. We’re okay, aren’t we? We’ll be okay, won’t we?’
Nate sighs, and I feel his warm breath dance across the top of my head. ‘Wewillbe okay, Holly. We have each other.’
Ben and Sabrina follow our lead and get out of Ben’s car. Sabrina is taller than she looked from inside the car, and her faux fur coat complements her tan knee boots. She glances at my feet and smiles at my wholly inappropriate-for-winter flip-flops.
‘Did you have a nice honeymoon?’ she asks.
‘It was wonderful,’ I reply. ‘Complete escapism.’
