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Ben shuffles on the spot and mumbles through an awkward introduction, but Sabrina and I are distracted by silly footwear, and I have a feeling we are going to be good friends.
‘What size are you?’ she asks, pointing at my feet.
‘Six. Why?’
‘I’m a seven,’ she says. ‘I have a pair of Uggs in the back if you’d like to borrow them. They’ll be a little big, but they’ll keep you warm.’
‘Yes. God, yes.’ I laugh, looking down at my toes that, despite my golden tan, are turning blue.
Sabrina leans into Ben’s car and fishes out the comfortable warm boots and passes them to me. Her hand brushes off mine, and she pauses for a moment to eye me with sympathy and kindness.
‘I’m so sorry to hear about your baby boy,’ she whispers.
‘Thank you.’ I swallow, instantly emotional.
‘Ben told me all about him. He showed me all the photographs. He was very beautiful.’
‘Thank you,’ I repeat, steadier now. ‘He was.’
‘Are you ready, Hols?’ Nate asks, tilting his head towards the swaying gate.
I slip my feet out of my flip-flops and into Sabrina’s Uggs. I throw my silly, summer footwear into the back of Ben’s car and hope I remember to fetch them later.
‘Let’s go,’ I say, smiling as I watch the rusty gate sway. ‘Let’s wait for the stars.’
FORTY-SIX
HOLLY
It comes as no surprise to find my parents are already waiting under Nana’s special tree.
‘How was the honeymoon?’ my father asks, throwing his arms around me for a monstrous bear hug that almost winds me.
‘Look at the colour of you,’ my mother says. ‘You have a fabulous tan. I want all the details. I can’t wait to hear all about Dubai.’
‘Jesus, Blair, don’t embarrass them. I’m sure they’d like to keep the gory newlywed details to themselves.’
I laugh. Mostly because Nate’s nose and cheeks flush, and I know he’s thinking over the countless times we made love while we were away.
‘I’ll start digging, yeah?’ Nate says, hurrying away to reach for the shovel leaning against one of the trees.
‘Good idea,’ I say.
‘I’ll help,’ Dad adds.
There’s only one shovel. Nate digs while Ben and my father stand on each side of him watching. It’s hardly a team effort. Nate jokes about how he’d never manage without their help.
‘Holly, love,’ Mam says, taking me by the elbow and guiding me gently aside.
My mother bends over a floral blanket spread on the grass and fetches the small white box I left with her and Dad for safekeeping while Nate and I were in Dubai.
‘You’ll be needing this, sweetheart,’ Mam says, standing back up and passing the box to me.
I pull it close to my chest instinctively and take some deep breaths. There’s a brief moment without words where Mam and I say everything we need to with some gentle smiles and nods.
‘There we go,’ Ben announces suddenly when Nate has a small, somewhat round hole dug in the soil next to Nana’s tree. He sets the shovel down and turns around to look at me with sad eyes.
‘Are you ready?’ Nate asks, his eyes dropping to the beautiful box cradled close to me.
