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‘Nate ishere? Like here right now, here?’ I squeak.
Ben turns his back on the kitchen and points towards the closed door of the large front room. ‘He’s been waiting in thegood roomfor about a half an hour.’
The good room is Nana’s favourite room in the house. Ben and I were never allowed in there as kids. I used to think it was in case we broke one of Nana’s china ornaments that are so finicky and fragile I’m still afraid to touch them to this day. But I realise now we were most likely kept away because the ornaments were a choking hazard. I bet I never would have thought of something like that four months ago. Before I got pregnant. Being pregnant has really made me think about everything differently. Including Nate.
‘Why is Nate here?’ I snap.
Ben eyes narrow. ‘Don’t you want to see him?’
‘We broke up, Ben,’ I explain bluntly. ‘A couple of weeks ago. I thought Nate told you. It’s really messy.’
‘Oh shit, Hols. I’m sorry,’ Ben says, sighing. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘I don’t need this crap right now, Ben. Not with Nana so sick.’
‘I know. I know,’ Ben says. ‘But maybe he wants to clear the air. You were together a long time, Hols. Broken up or not, he probably just wants to make sure you’re okay. He knows how close you are to Nana.’
‘Yeah, I suppose.’ I swallow. ‘I should talk to him, shouldn’t I?’
Ben smiles. ‘Yeah, you should. I’ll give you guys some space. I’m going to make some coffee. Do you want some?’
‘Ugh,’ I moan, the thought of drinking more making me feel sick again. ‘God, no. Not more coffee. But Nate might like a cup. Can you give us, um… ten minutes or so… and then bring some in to us?’
‘Holly, what’s going on? Is this really serious?’ Ben asks. ‘So serious you can’t even be alone with Nate for longer than ten minutes?’
‘Ben, please?’ I say, my eyes pleading with him not to ask any more questions. ‘Just come in after ten minutes. Promise?’
‘Holly…’ Ben rolls his shoulders back and stretches his neck; I haven’t seen him stand tall or straight since I arrived yesterday. ‘Do you want me to talk to Nate instead? Do you want me to tell him to leave?’
I shake my head. I know Ben likes Nate. They’ve become friends over the years. They like the same football team, and they’re both obsessed with shiny sports cars with enormous engines. Even if I did want Nate to leave, I wouldn’t expect Ben to give him his marching orders.
I press my fingers against my eyelids for a second, and it helps to relieve some of the pressure building inside my head. I take a deep breath and walk towards the front room.
‘Hols,’ Ben calls after me. ‘Coffee in ten minutes, it is.’
‘Thanks,’ I exhale, shaking a little.
I hear the kitchen door open behind me and swing closed again with a subtle thud. I freeze and take a moment to stand alone in the hall and breathe in the silence. A soft whimper escapes my lips as I think about the hub of activity this hall has been over the years and how silence doesn’t suit it. Fat salty tears trickle down my cheek and I wonder what will become of my family without Nana as the glue to hold us all together. My entire world is unravelling so quickly, I’m reeling. A sudden wave of dizziness washes over me and I grab the newel post of the stairs to steady myself. Instinctively, I call out to Nate, but he doesn’t hear me.
Nate is just on the other side of the door in front of me, but I feel as if we’re worlds apart and I’m so damn lonely. I wait out my dizzy spell before I walk with heavy heart towards the front room.
TWELVE
HOLLY
Nate is standing with his back to the door and his hands are in his pockets, gazing out the window. He doesn’t hear me come into the room. I stand behind him for a couple of seconds before I’m brave enough to whisper his name.
‘Holly,’ he says, taking his hands out of his pockets and forcing them rigidly by his sides as he turns around to face me.
He’s wearing his tailored navy suit, my favourite, and I wonder if he chose it on purpose. He’s also wearing a blue-and-red striped tie that I hate. Still, he looks good. Sexy even, despite the dark circles under his eyes and the newly etched tired lines across his forehead.He must be sleeping as badly as I am.Nate takes a deep breath, and I watch his chest rise; he holds it for a long time, and when he finally lets out a huge sigh, I can hear the emotion weighing him down.
‘Hols, I’m so sorry,’ he says, taking a baby step forward.
I shake my head and open my mouth, but no sound comes out. My feet seem to move independent of my body, and without thinking, I find myself racing towards him. Nate opens his arms, and I fall into a quivering mess the instant my chest collides with his. He gathers my heaving body into his arms and tucks my shaking frame close to him. The top of my head fits as neatly as ever under his chin, and when he lowers his head, I can feel his warm breath fall softly on my head. We stand, tangled together like a ball of knotted twine, for a long time without a single word.
Finally, when my legs become wobbly, and I know Nate worries I’m going to faint, he suggests we sit. I don’t want to pull away from the comfort of Nate’s warm body, but he makes the decision for me. Taking a step back, he reaches for my hand and leads me towards the floral couch in the large floor-to-ceiling bay window. I glance at my watch, suddenly regretting asking Ben to come in after ten minutes. It doesn’t leave us much time to talk.
‘How are you feeling?’ Nate asks once we’re both seated.
