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Hot nurse on the corridor
Maybe I should fake a heart attack
Ben’s texts are just about the only thing stopping me from tearing off my bored skin. I muffle my laugh and type my reply quickly.
Good luck with mouth to mouth
I try to find a heart-attack emoji, but unsurprisingly, there isn’t one, so I settle for the smiley face with a bandage around its head.
Let me know when Nana wakes xx
I hit send and drop my head back against the mound of fluffed pillows. The girl in the bed opposite is throwing me the bitchiest look. I can only guess it’s because I forgot to turn off my sound, and my phone is beeping every couple of seconds.
‘Some of us are trying to sleep,’ she eventually barks.
I want to snap back that it’s the middle of the day and some of us don’t want to be there at all. But instead, I throw her an apologetic smile, switch my phone to mute, and put it back down on the bedside table next to me.
I’ve only been confined to the ward for a couple of hours, but I’m already losing my mind. Nate popped out to the nearby shopping centre and picked me up some pyjamas, a toothbrush, and a few other overnight bits and pieces, but I haven’t taken them out of the multi-coloured rucksack they hide in. I just about agreed to take off my shoes, and that’s because Nate suggested I’d be more comfortable if I stretched my legs out on the bed with my feet up. But all I’ve done since is switch my attention between my phone and the ceiling. I haven’t told Nate I’m not staying all night yet. I’ll tell him when he comes back from the canteen. I sent him to get something to eat a while ago. He was hungry, but I also needed some space. He was fussing over me like a clucking hen. He means well, and I know he’s desperate to make up for pissing off to Ibiza, but if we manage to move past the last couple of weeks, it won’t be because he fluffed my hospital pillow ten times a minute.
There are six beds on the ward and three are occupied. It’s a prenatal ward, so thankfully, there are no newborns here, but I can still hear their tiny cries coming from the nursery.
‘Jesus, they’re crying again,’ the girl in the bed opposite moans loudly, rolling her eyes.
‘Babies do that,’ one of the girls on the other side of the room says, laughing. ‘Would you listen to her,’ she adds, looking directly at me. ‘Thinks she’s going to give birth to a baby who doesn’t cry. Best of luck with that, love.’
Both girls stare at me, waiting for me to say something. I fold my arms across my chest and close my eyes. ‘At least you’ll have a baby. A healthy baby.’
I don’t mean to sound bitter and jealous, but there’s no hiding my envy in the tone of my voice.
‘Are you all right?’ the first girl says, sounding much softer and more approachable than she did a moment before.
‘No,’ I admit, opening my eyes and sitting up. ‘I’m not. I’m really not.’
‘Is it your baby?’ the second girl says, making her way around the end of her bed to come stand next to mine.
‘I’m sorry. I can’t be here. I’m sorry.’ I hop up off the bed and slide my shaking feet into my shoes.
‘Where are you going?’ the first girl says. ‘We were only having a little banter about the crying babies, you know. We really didn’t mean to upset you. I’m so sorry.’
I grab my phone off the bedside table and stuff it into my coat pocket. I slide my arms into the sleeve of my coat and zip it up. I’m instantly too hot.
‘Sit down,’ the second girl says, standing right next to me now. ‘You don’t look good. The nurse will be here soon. I don’t think you should go anywhere until she’s seen you.’
I bend down and gather the rucksack Nate bought earlier and clutch it close to my chest as I stand back up.
‘Please tell the nurse I said thanks, but I’ve got to go.’ I say, exhaling sharply.
‘Press the bell,’ the girl beside me says to the other girl. ‘Call the nurse.’
I march towards the open double doors of the ward, pausing as I step onto the bright corridor. There are nurses, doctors and patients scattered in the hall. Tiny beads of sweat gather at the base of my spine; I can feel them cling to the waistband of my jeans. I feel like a kid trying to skip class without one of my teachers seeing. A nurse brushes past me, knocking her shoulder against mine.
‘Oh, sorry,’ she apologises as she hurries on.
I twist my head over my shoulder and watch her turn onto the ward I’ve just come out from. I pick up speed, walking as fast as I reasonably can without looking like I might break into a full-on sprint at any second. I know the other girls on the ward will be filling the nurse in on the story of my escape. I also know that if she does come looking for me, she can’t force me to stay. But my mind is so exhausted and overwhelmed; even the thought of any sort of confrontation right now makes me want to fall into a heap on the floor and cry.
I reach the daunting door at the end of the straight corridor. I push. Nothing. I try pulling on the handle, but the door doesn’t budge. There’s a buzzer on the wall, and I inhale sharply as I realise I have to press it for release. Someone says something through the intercom, and I manage, ‘Out please.’
The doors buzz and release and I charge through with my head down.
