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At that moment, Sophie resolved to be good, kind, and agreeable. She decided to build a life her mother could be proud of. She had to fixate on this during moments of profound fear and unhappiness at home. She could always clean up a broken egg. She could always cry in the bathroom alone. It was fine.
Chapter Sixteen
Present Day
Katrina’s birth year was 1958, which put her firmly in the baby boomer generation. And just like most others her age, she not only resisted therapy but she fully demonized it, assuming it was something for the weak-minded or very, very sick. “Good people deal with their own problems,” she’d said many times. “They don’t look for outside help.”
Why, then, was Katrina seated in a therapist’s office? She crossed and uncrossed her ankles, staring out the office window as an early March rain spat past the window. The therapist, a woman named Beth Waters, had stepped out to speak to her secretary, leaving Katrina to doubt every decision she’d made to bring her here today. By the time Beth breezed back in, smiling warmly, Katrina’s heartbeat was doing overtime. She wanted to run out to the parking lot and drive back home as quickly as she could.
“Sorry about that,” Beth apologized, taking a seat across from Katrina and adjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose.
“That’s all right,” Katrina said. She blinked at the therapist, then turned her attention to the four framed university degrees on Beth’s wall. Katrina was impressed. She was also, strangely, jealous. Many years ago, Beth Waters had made a decision about her life and committed herself to a goal. What had Katrina’s life goal been? The answer came in an instant. She’d wanted to be a good wife and a good mother. It had pleased her completely. She’d adored every minute. But she’d also failed in numerous aspects. Sophie, for one. And now, she still couldn’t bring herself to apologize to Sophie. She couldn’t stare at her own mistakes too long for fear they would destroy her.
That was the reason she was here, she supposed. She’d kept it a secret from everyone. Even Grant.
“I’m sorry,” Katrina stuttered. “I don’t know how to start.”
“That’s all right. There’s no real correct way to begin,” Beth assured her. “You can’t mess up.”
Katrina’s nose twitched.
“Why don’t you start by telling me a little bit about your life right now?” Beth suggested.
“Okay. Well.” Katrina swallowed. “My daughter is pregnant. And she’s getting married.”
“That’s reason to celebrate,” Beth said.
“You would think so. But Sophie? Sophie is a very, very sensitive person,” Katrina said, her eyes misting. “Up until recently, she abused drugs and alcohol. And now that she’s sober, I feel she’s rushing into marriage and children. I’ve seen her do it before. And I’ve said some things to her. Things I can’t take back.”
Beth nodded. “Do you want to have a relationship with Sophie?”
“More than anything!” Katrina cried, then clapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s a very complicated situation,” Beth assured her. “As a mother, you’re programmed to want to help your daughter. And it sounds like she’s fought your help.”
“She’s fought me at every turn,” Katrina offered, returning her gaze to the angry March afternoon outside the window. After a long pause, she added, “And I know it’s my fault. They’re my genes.”
“The addiction?”
Katrina nodded and blinked back tears. “My father. And my brother. But my brother had the good sense to get away from all of us and start a new life.”
“Where did he go?”
“First New York. Then California.”
“Do you resent him for running away?”
Katrina closed her eyes and sifted through her emotions. She was surprised to find resentment for Norm, caught up in her pride for him. Why wasn’t his Nantucket family good enough for him? Why had he left her all alone to deal with this mess?
“I’m such a typical case,” Katrina offered. “Family trauma. Difficult relationship with my child. I must be so boring for you.”
Beth remained quiet. Katrina opened her eyes to find Beth leaning forward in her chair.
“What would you say your goal is?” Beth asked. “Here in therapy?”
Katrina raised her eyebrows. Only one answer was obvious.
“I want to have a relationship with my daughter,” Katrina whispered.
