AllFreeNovel
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“Your turn,” he says, his voice deep.
“You don’t have to—” I say as he moves across the bench, pulling me on top of him, his cock soft against his bare thigh.
“But I want to,” he says. “Can I anyway?”
“Absolutely you can.”
Jesse pulls aside only what he needs to, pushing up my shirt and shoving the waistband of my jeans down as far as my thighs will allow. Ever since we got rid of the rules, he touches with me with abandon, reveling in the feeling of his skin against mine; he’s denied himself for so long.
His fingers are thick inside me, his tongue warm against my nipple. I could keep my eyes open, keep an eye out for cars or an errant hiker, but I don’t. What’s the point of fucking on the bench seat of his truck if there isn’t a little risk involved. I close my eyes and let myself float away on his soft exhales against my collarbone. I drown myself on the smell of his fabric softener, the truck’s faded leather cleaner scent, and of him, made acute by the humidity and our sweat and his skin.
I come on his hand and he holds me against him, holds me up. He keeps his fingers inside me until I climb off him, and then cleans himself off with his mouth. My panties will be wet for the rest of the day and when I tell him so he’s obnoxiously proud of that fact.
“Ready to go?” he asks. And I nod, but he doesn’t start the truck until I’ve righted my clothes and buckled myself back in. We pull into my parents’ driveway almost thirty minutes late for the barbecue. The front of the house is already banked with cars parked three deep. We walk around the back, past my apartment, toward the sound of music and Trey’s laughter and Miranda’s happy voice. Jay said he’ll stop by with his wife and kids later. Cally and her husband and little baby. Brooke and George and Marcus and April and Buck and more of Jesse’s friends, all of my people, everyone I could possibly love in one place. Audrey, too. I’ll accompany her to Lancaster, her to teach and me to attend the conference and do some research on a woman who emigrated from the area to New England in the seventeenth century. I’ll be back in time for the first week of the fall semester.
My chest feels too full for tonight, as if my love for them all, for this life, has increased the volume of love in my body and it pools in my chest waiting to spill out.
I stop before we turn the corner, lean against the vinyl siding, and pull Jesse with me. “Do we look OK?” I straighten his T-shirt, stuck suspiciously to his chest like he’s been sweating, and run my hands through his hair in a way that makes it look like I haven’t already had my hands in it.
“Yes,” he says, even as he rubs at what I think might be beard rash on my neck. “You look...”
I blink up at him. “I’m in love with you, too.”
“I know,” he says.
“It’s just that you said it to me and I didn’t say it back.”
He tucks my hair behind my ear, a useless gesture, presses his lips to my cheek, a gentle kiss. “You say it in other ways.”
As my heart rate finally slows I understand the urgency, the need I felt to touch him before, to show him exactly how much I love him. “I won’t be able to say it in those ways soon and I’ll... I just...” I touch his chest, press my fingertips to his jaw, lean into the gentle wall of man in front of me. “I don’t want you to be alone while I’m gone.”
The last thing Jesse deserves is for another person who loves him to leave him.
He blinks, his mouth stays in its neutral line, and I kiss his lips because I can and because I think he needs me to. He looks down and away, taking a deep breath. I give him the time and space to talk when he’s ready. “I won’t be alone. And you’re coming back, Lulu. I love you and you’re coming back.” He sighs. “But even if you didn’t, I’d be OK. And so would you. Besides, now is as good a time as any for you to leave. I don’t need any distractions the first month of my first semester back at school in a decade.”
“Are you calling me a distraction?” I practically screech.
“Yes,” he says solemnly.
“But I can help, you know,” I insist. This is a conversation we’ve had more than once. “I can read your essays. I can be your tutor.”
His dimple appears. “I don’t think there’s a lot of overlap between the history of witchcraft and practical nursing. I’d be distracted by how much I want to kiss my tutor.”
I press my fist to his chest. “I’m really proud of you, you know,” I say softly. “You’re changing everything, your whole life, all over again.”
He tips my chin up with his thumbs at my jaw. “I’m proud of you, too,” he says. “For choosing to belong here. I’m so glad you’re here, with me, Lulu.”
“Thank you.”
He presses me against the wall behind us, his hands move down my neck, my back, coming around me. His lips move soft and seeking against my neck. “We should...” He gestures to the backyard, his words pressed into my skin.
“Right.” I take a deep breath, shake out my hands. “Are you sure I don’t look like you just fingered me in your truck?”
He pats my hair down. “You’re beautiful.”
I’m scared to leave, even if it’s just for a few weeks. And, of course, I’m scared I won’t be good enough for the Lancaster conference, for my old colleagues. And old friends. Fears that are almost comforting in their familiarity but ones I won’t entertain anymore. Well, I’ll try not to.
Jesse pauses. “We’re going to be OK.” He puts his hand to his chest and then to mine, the touch saying more than he can.
