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At least that had been how it was the first year. Once I was in line to be promoted to an executive, even I could admit things had changed. Why couldn’t she have just had patience?
Wasn’t the bigger apartment and extra money enough to hold her over until I got the job? As an executive, I now had more flexibility with my time. I could have given her anything she wanted if she had just waited a few more months.
My phone beeped, cutting off the spiraling thoughts. Fuck. How pathetic was it that even when leaving to go on a BDSM weekend I couldn’t get my mind off River?
Andy:I’m downstairs. You ready?
Cade:Yeah, coming
Andy:Only if you find a willing lucky sub this weekend!
I rolled my eyes and grabbed my duffel filled with my weekend attire: leather pants, my favorite fetish clothes, a couple of changes of clothing and a few toys. I hadn’t played since River left. Even thinking about it felt like cheating. If I was honest, it still did, especially as I was never able to reconnect with her. The wound she’d left, the gaping hole in my chest couldnever be filled by another. But hopefully at the Ranch, I would at least start to move on.
I sighed as I stepped into the elevator and punched the button for the lobby. I studied my blurred reflection in the brass doors as I descended. Would the subs this weekend see the broken bits inside me? Or would they be fooled by the image I portrayed every day in the boardroom?
My height when I wasn’t slouched against a wall often intimidated people. I kept my thick shock of curly brown hair trimmed short, with just a bit of extra on top to stay with the fashion. At work it was usually slicked back, adding to the severity to what my hairstylist called my chiseled jaw and cheekbones to assist in my powerful image.
For this trip, it was free of product and a bit unruly. I wanted to be approachable. That had always been River’s favorite look. She’d run her fingers through my curls purposely messing them up. Then sigh and say, “that’s better”.
Damn it. I needed to stop thinking about her. I ran my hand through my hair flattening and controlling it as best I could. This weekend was about moving on. I was determined to at least have a little fun. With any luck, I’d get my groove back and my balls. I should at least start the search for a new slave. Only this time, I wouldn’t make the same mistakes I had with River.
Andy was parked right in front of the building, his usual cheerful smile plastered on his face. “Hey, man.” He pulled me into a hug and slapped me on the back a few times. “Are you ready for the best weekend of your life?”
I rolled my eyes. He was my best friend but his optimism often drove me crazy. “The best weekend of my life involved River in my bed, over my lap, her legs spread as I taught her a lesson in pleasure. Not sure we can beat that but I’m willing to try.”
Andy’s eyes shifted from merriment to sympathy. Well, hell. When had I become the pathetic man who dragged everyone down with him? I needed to quit talking about her. Maybe if I managed to keep my mind from constantly going there, I would stop thinking about her.
“Who knows, maybe Rawhide Ranch will have someone so like her that you will forget her name.”
“I’ll cheers to that as soon as I have a drink in my hand.”
Andy laughed and stashed my bag in the small trunk of his sports car. He pulled out into traffic and off we went, driving out of the city toward Big Sky. I’d never been to Montana, despite its relative closeness. The Ranch was famous for those of us in the lifestyle. It was only a few hours away. Why hadn’t I bothered to visit before now?
After settling into my current job, I even had every weekend free. I was at the height of my career and, unless someone died or retired, I wouldn’t be going any higher. That wasn’t likely to happen in the next five years. It was time to enjoy my job rather than scramble to the next spot.
I had a solid team and enjoyed mentoring the younger employees. I could focus on living my life. Settling down. Not that I had anyone to do that with but hope springs eternal.
The quiet of the drive was perfect for relaxing. Andy was my closest friend and knew I wasn’t in a chatty mood so he let me be. He’d pushed me into this weekend because I hadn’t taken any time off since River left. In his mind, if I could just get out there, I would find someone to help me get over my obsession.
Unfortunately, an idle mind wanders and the passing winter scenery wasn’t enough to keep me focused on the here and now. Thoughts of the first time I’d taken River to a BDSM club flashed through my head. We’d gone shopping for her outfit earlier that day and she’d practically vibrated with excitement.
The trip to the store had been an event in and of itself as she tried on revealing club wear. Each texture fascinated her as she rotated through spandex, latex, leather, silk. Every outfit more revealing than the last. But when she tried on a luminous gossamer material that hid nothing from my gaze, I told her we’d found a winner. Her rosebud pink nipples showed through the material with their sparkling piercings obvious. It was all I could do not to suck those sweet tips right there in the store.
My cock had been so hard it had been impossible not to notice. River’s knowing smirk had widened as she strutted like a runway model in front of me. That night at the club, all eyes were on my sexy little partner. We both reveled in the attention. There was no better feeling than knowing everyone envied that she was mine.
“You’re thinking about her again, aren’t you?” Andy’s voice cut off the flow of blood that had been moving toward my dick.
“Am I that obvious?” I stretched my long legs in the limited spacing of his Porsche to ease the uncomfortable situation in my pants. “We should have brought my car. Long drives deserve comfort.”
Andy laughed. “Stop deflecting. We aren’t going for a root canal, man, we’re going to exorcise our demons, or rather, your demons. Maybe if you actually talk about it, you can move on. All you’ve ever said is ‘We fought. She left’. I respect your privacy but this is getting ridiculous. Something more must have happened or you wouldn’t be so wrapped around the axel.”
It was hard to discuss but if I couldn’t share with my best friend, who could I share with? “Honestly, I wish I knew. We were supposed to go to the club but something happened at work and I couldn’t. She threw a fit and I told her she would be punished when I got home. She packed her shit and left. No note. No call. If she hadn’t packed two bags, I would have thought she’d been kidnapped.”
Andy made an annoying thinking sound but kept his eyes on the road. “You were the center of her universe, Cade. We could all see it. You sure there wasn’t anything else? It had been months since we’d hung out, but it’s hard to believe she’d leave because of one missed date.”
I sighed and closed my eyes forcing myself to admit the one detail I’d left out. “She safeworded.”
“Over what?”
