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“Over me saying I would punish her when I got home.” It had never made sense to me.
“You had no other fights?” At least Andy’s confusion seemed to match my own.
“You remember how she was. She didn’t fight. Ever.”
“But did you argue?”
I scanned my memory and it was blank. Sure, she’d been more pushy than usual but nothing I would consider an argument. “She was my slave. We didn’t argue.”
“I’m not judging what you had, but did you ever give her an opportunity to let you know she was unhappy? River was the most submissive woman I’d ever met. Maybe she didn’t know how to argue other than to say her safeword. Submissives and slaves give themselves over to us, but we, as Doms, are supposed to take care of them.”
“I did that! She was more than looked after. I made sure she had every luxury we could afford.”
“But maybe she didn’t need things. It is too easy for us to expect their obedience, but what we forget is we have to earn their submission.”
Now I was livid. “We signed a contract. I held up my end. She gave me her word and she should have lived up to her commitment!” Even as the words left my mouth, I knew they were wrong. As the anger flowed out of me and reason returned, I realized that what I had said wasn’t completely true. Had Ilived up to it? Had I checked in with her every day and made sure she was happy? I honestly couldn’t remember when our check-ins had turned into nothing more than a single question. Did you get your chores done?
The silence stretched for a few uncomfortable minutes before Andy spoke, “I was only saying that maybe there were things going on in her head that you weren’t aware of. She should have talked to you, but you should have been paying attention. And before you bitch, I know you were really busy around the time she left. All Doms aren’t perfect or mind readers. They are only human. If you really want that kind of relationship again, maybe you need to acknowledge that.”
Fucker! I needed to hear his words but it didn’t make them more palatable.
“Thank you, Andy. Not sure what or if it will help, but it’s something to think about.”
Andy laughed. “Happy to serve you, Sir.”
The fake subservience in his voice had us both laughing. The burden my heart had been carrying lifted a bit. The rest of the ride we kept the conversation light. By the time we pulled up out front of Rawhide Ranch, I was ready to have a transformative weekend.
Chapter 3
River
Ten minutes before my session with Mrs. Denten, the usual anxiety filled my mind with doubts. I purposely slowed my steps to both delay and calm down. Since beginning therapy several months ago, talking to someone had gotten a little easier, but arriving early would mean thinking about what we were going to discuss, and I didn’t want to do that.
A quick run-through of the Dungeon to make sure everything was fully stocked would fill time and keep my mind focused on something other than my emotional issues. It wouldn’t take long because I’d restocked the rooms less than two hours ago. The place was probably still spotless. But from what I’d heard, there were lots of guests due to arrive shortly and a second check couldn’t hurt.
Voices echoed through the empty area as I was putting a few extra rolls of toilet paper in one of the private rooms. Some of the guests must have arrived.
“I’m telling you, this place has it all.”
The masculine voice was upbeat and familiar. He was probably a regular bringing a friend along for a fun weekend.Pride at being part of this amazing place filled me, and I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips. Rawhide Ranch wasn’t just a sanctuary for those in need like me; it was a special place where people met the other halves of their souls.
Who knew, maybe someday I would be ready to find that someone again. Would my heart ever be strong enough to risk getting hurt again? My smile dropped. Who was I kidding? I didn’t enjoy speaking with people anymore, never mind meeting a man. But baby steps still move you forward, right?
The voice that answered the happy one caused my entire body to freeze.
“It certainly seems to have it all, but honestly, I’m not sure I’ll actually play with anyone.”
No, it couldn’t be him! Not here. Not now.
“I know but you should at least try. Watch some scenes and meet new people in the community.”
The voice I’d thought belonged to a regular, didn’t. It was Andy speaking as my hands shook.
“As much as I’d like to play and put River in my past… I don’t know. We’ll see. I’m not saying I definitely won’t participate, but I make no promises.”
No! Master was here! Invading my safe space. My stomach threatened to toss up my lunch as I crushed the roll of toilet paper in my hands. I had to get out of here. Had to go somewhere he wasn’t.
My appointment in Catherine’s office would be safe. But to get there I would have to leave this room. I didn’t want to be late but I also couldn’t face Cade. Thankfully, I heard retreating footsteps and managed to slide out of the room. The momentary glance of the familiar retreating back scattered my thoughts and I ran in the opposite direction.
