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I snorted. “No.”
“Is it a kink thing that you believe no one would understand?”
With an effort of will that had to do more with not wanting her to keep guessing, I confessed. “I’m a slut.”
Catherine raised her eyebrow. “I hope you aren’t insulting yourself, because you know we don’t allow that.”
“I mean the kink.”
“So, you like humiliation, fetish clothing, and exhibitionism? You must have seen plenty of people into those kinks in the Dungeon. Why do you think people would think less of you?”
Her obvious confusion settled my worries a little so I shrugged. It was hard to let go of fears that society had ingrained in me.
“I think you are underestimating the people here by thinking they will judge you. Now, your next point. You say you violated your contract.”
I nodded. “He was good to me. He worked hard, paid all the bills, I never had to worry about money. We signed a contract that said he would provide for me, and in return, I would take care of our home. I had a set of chores and responsibilities. If I didn’t hold up my side of the agreement, the punishments were clearly spelled out.”
“So, his only responsibility was paying the bills and punishing you?”
There was no judgment in her words but I felt ashamed.
“No, he was supposed to check on me daily and provide for my physical and mental wellbeing, and I was supposed to provide physical and emotional comfort.”
“And did he do that?”
“Technically, he asked me every day how I was doing.”
“And were you honest?”
Warmth traced down my cheeks as tears finally escaped my eyes. “I tried to be. But he was stressed and how could I be emotionally comforting if I was adding stress to his day? In the end, I couldn’t stay silent and he wouldn’t listen, so I took the coward’s road and left.”
Catherine made a few notes and then gazed at me as if I were a puzzle that needed figuring out. I wished her luck, because I would’ve liked to understand how all my puzzle pieces fit together too.
“I don’t know if you were brave or cowardly. Only you can determine that. What matters is that you did what you felt you needed to for you and that is very important. I think both of youare responsible for breaking the contract. But back to the issue of Cade being here. I encourage you to speak to him. If he doesn’t know where you’ve been, he might be relieved to know you are doing all right.”
“I doubt he noticed I was gone until he had to do his own shopping.” Okay, that wasn’t fair, but I didn’t like the guilt that I felt over possibly leaving him worrying.
“If you want, I can help you talk to him but if you can do it on your own, you should be open about your feelings. Let him know how he made you feel. You never know, men sometimes can’t see the forest through the trees, and perhaps he is in the dark regarding why you left. You seem to have constructed this huge disconnect but for him, it may seem like nothing. We all process and see things differently, River. Your job is to first take care of yourself. You can’t face the future when you’re stuck in the past.”
She was right about one or two things… sometimes people couldn’t see the forest through the trees, not just men, although I took that in the spirit in which it was meant. Society seemed to rely more on women’s intuition than men’s ability to see what women needed. And two, I was trapped in my past.
“Maybe.” Was my only reply.
She nodded affirmatively. “Good. Our session is finished for today, but I want a progress report next week.”
Crap!
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Catherine smiled. “Don’t worry so much, River. I have a good feeling things will work out.”
I closed the door behind me and peeked around the corner. No one was in sight. I took a few breaths, my emotions were still raw. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about Cade, but for now, I just needed to get to my room and think. Taking a chance, I sprinted down the hallway toward the staircase. One flight up and I would be in my room.
As I yanked open the door to the stairs and ran inside, I collided with a hard chest. Damn it! I never broke the no-running rule and the one time I did, there had to be someone in the staircase. I stumbled back and way too familiar strong hands reached out to steady me. I glanced from the hands, following the sculpted forearms to the bulging biceps and up to wide shoulders topped with a strong neck and that face I knew all too well.
“River?”
My heart pounded so hard I felt it in my throat. Immediately, I dropped my eyes out of habit. “Hello, M… Cade.”
