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I hate that the man has got me wondering about my own sanity. I can’t stand the thought of him. I feel betrayed, but the logical side of me realizes that he stuck to the rules. He said from the very beginning we were having fun. He told me it wasn’t serious. I’m the one who read too much into the way he held me, the way he made me feel valued right up until he didn’t.
I broke the rules, and it seems a little narcissistic to blame him for that. But anger is hard to control when the heart is involved, and that’s just one more damn rule I broke. I should blame no one but myself, but it doesn’t make me hate him any less.
If only I didn’t begin loving those boys, this would be a million times easier. I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself, as if I had my fairy tale for a short moment, only for reality to come slamming back in and reminding me that alone is what I’ll always be.
I slam my hands on the steering wheel, a growl erupting from my throat.
This pity party shit can’t keep happening. I’ve cried too much, lost too much sleep, all over a man who can so easily cast me aside.
I can’t let it continue to eat away at me. I can’t let one person dictate the rest of my life. I sit up straighter, as much as my exhausted muscles will let me, and take several calming breaths.
I had a plan when I had to crawl back home after what happened with Sam, so it doesn’t matter that Chase ruined Lindell for me. The goal was never to stay. I was here to lick my wounds and get right back out there and live my life to its fullest. That’s what I should be focusing on.
Who cares that Chase and Emily got back together? Horrible people belong together. At least neither one of them are ruining other people’s lives.
Instead of following my gut and placing an application with Walker for the bar waitress position he has available, I pull out my phone andsearch for childcare companies that do the leg work and connect you with families looking for a nanny.
By the time I’ve completed the application online, I’ve almost convinced myself that it’s less about Cale and Cole, and kids in general who make me happy. I’m not going to get rich working as a nanny but an in-home position gets me out of Lindell, and that’s exactly what I need.
I feel resolute and empowered by the time I head back to my parents’ house.
“You look like you’re feeling better,” Mom says when I make it into the kitchen.
Regretfully, my parents saw and no doubt listened to the whispered details of the interactions Chase and I were having. As open as my family has always been about sex, I still get flushed when I see them. Those words were meant for Adalynn’s ears alone. It wasn’t something my mother should’ve heard, and worse yet, my father.
“I am,” I lie because I’m still fully in the fake-it-until-you-make-it camp. Hell, I’ll probably live there for the foreseeable future. Might as well buy a couple of fake flamingos for festive decorations.
“I wanted to—”
“I’ve applied online for live-in nanny positions in the city, so I’ll be out of your hair soon,” I interrupt because the last thing I need is advice or worse yet, more Lindell gossip. “I’ll be able to save all most all of my income so I’ll be able to pay you back quicker.”
Mom frowns, but she doesn’t immediately speak. It feels like all those instances when I was a teen where she stayed quiet, giving me a chance to back out of a fib I told.
I stand taller, swallowing hard as she looks at me.
“Plus,” I continue. “I have an outstanding invoice out, and once that’s paid, I can get you at least half of it.”
“We aren’t concerned about the money, Madison.”
“I appreciate that, but I plan to pay you back, nonetheless.”
They drained their savings, and they did so without complaint. My solid-as-a-rock parents didn’t even blink an eye when I needed help. They were there and supportive, and their frequent advice on how to handle my life was just the added extras they sprinkled on top.
“I’m going to nap,” I say before she can start on a long tirade about living with other people and how dangerous it is.
She has to know that living with someone the family knows ended up being the most dangerouschoice I’ve ever made.
I don’t know what I’ll do if Chase doesn’t pay his invoice. If he’s back with his ex, then I’d think it would be in his best interest to just take care of it. Why would he want reminders sitting around about the time we shared?
Before I crawl under the covers in my bedroom, I send a payment reminder, fully considering the possibility of hiring a lawyer if he doesn’t pay.
Why shouldn’t I be a thorn in his side?
Chapter 35
Chase
A lot of people would consider me a celebrity. There were times that my face and jersey number were on the cover of magazines more than world leaders and tech billionaires.
