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I sit on the floor, my back to the door she’s banging on. My heart wants me to open it. But I know I shouldn’t. I know better than to listen to my heart.
My chest is going to explode. She’s still here. She isn’t yelling anymore, but I can still hear her. Her whispers. Her crying. She won’t leave. But I don’t move. I don’t check on her, to make sure she’s okay. Because I’m gone. She’s gone. Us. There is no more us.
So I close my eyes, streaks of tears rushing out of them. I cover my mouth with my hands, dropping my head onto my knees. Her voice repeats in my head. The little hope she has in her tone. That I’ll open the door for her. But there isn’t hope. It’s gone. I won’t give her a false one, because it’s over.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and sit there, waiting for her to leave. When she does, it’ll be done. It’ll be over. It feels like I might die right now because of the pain in my heart. Because of her sobbing. Her broken voice. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Nomatter what I do, I’m leaving. So, no matter what, I won’t open this door.
And I don’t.
Chapter 86 – Zero
Val
My body lies on the couch, like it has for the past. . .ten days, I think. I don’t have the energy to get up. I don’t want to get up. The announcement went out five days ago on January 15, 2025. The day Lorenzo died. There wasn’t a big funeral, only for family. I couldn’t go. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. I don’t think I’m ready to go and find out it’s real. That he’s finally gone.
Mom sinks onto the couch next to me and quickly pulls me to her side as she caresses my shoulder. “How are you doing?” she asks.
“Horrible,” I answer. Normally, I would lie. I’d tell her I’m good, or great even. She wouldn’t believe me, but she’d accept it. Now, I don’t lie. I tell her the honest truth. I feel absolutely horrible. I turn my head to her, and she’s already looking at me. “I want to die.”
Her brows furrow. “Hey, don’t say that. I’ll think you’re telling the truth, and I’ll go into panic mode,” she tells me. A sorrowful look is in her eyes, her fingers still stroking my arm.
“How did you do it?” I ask her.
“Well, I didn’t lose a friend, it was actually the opposite, so I couldn’t tell you specifically. But you just have to hold on, and things will get better. I know you will, because you are one of the strongest people I know.” She smiles. I’ll get through this. Everyone tells me that, yet it feels so hard right now. I lean into her.
“Do you want me to get you something to eat?” she asks. I shake my head. “I can make you pancakes.” I shake my head again. “Vi, please, you’ve barely eaten anything in the past five days.” I don’t want to eat. I have no appetite to eat anything. My body will just reject it.
“How about you go out,” she suggests instead. “It’ll make you feel better if you get some fresh air.”
I just sit there, not saying a word. I know I need to go out. I know I need to get up and eat something. I know I have to stop lying down all day, drowning in the emptiness. But I don’t know if I can. I don’t think I’ll be able to.
“Come on. He wouldn’t want you like this, you know that. He’d want you to try.”
A cold shudder goes through my body. He would. Past. Because he’s not here anymore. He would want me to get out. He wanted me to go on. He wanted me to talk to Elias, to reconnect with him, to tell him I love him. To be friends, at least.
I raise my arm to the necklace wrapped around my neck. The crystal petals. “He said he wanted me to talk to Elias. That he didn’t want us to be alone when he was gone,” I tell my mom.
“Then go. If talking to Elias will help get your mind off things, then go.”
Let this be my last wish. Let me die knowing I didn’t leave you hurt.He wanted this for me more than I did myself. I sit up straight, twisting my body toward her.
“You’d be okay? With me doing that?” I ask her. A smile forms on her face.
“Of course. I told you from the beginning. I trust you,” she answers. For the first time in ten days, I feel a sense of warmth in my body. At least I still have her.
I take my phone out, opening my messages.
Me:Hey Elias
I park the car in front of the Miller house and get out, walking to the back where there’s a small gathering of trees. They’re tall but are scattered around to give enough space. It’s already dark outside, the night falling and the sun disappearing. He said he would be here.
I continue walking until I see a figure moving. He notices me and walks forward. His arm is still in a sling.
“Val. Hey, are you okay?” he asks, running to me. We both stop not too far from each other.
“Hey. I’m okay, don’t worry. I just needed to get out of the house, and I thought I’d come and talk to you,” I tell him. The expression on his face softens.
“Oh. Yeah, of course. I’m here for whatever you need,” he replies.
